alfredosolisfuentes

Bagel Boss killed Jeffrey Epstein

Just to be clear, you gotta wear the 3D glasses the whole time if you wanna get the spaghetti juice. All right. You can stop emailing me about it now.

Im not gay or straight. I’m sitcom star ALF and I love to eat pussy.

An orgasm would be nice but an American flag covered in barbecue sauce would be even better.

The penis is technically a vehicle

Sticks and stones may break my bones but I will still tell you nothing. I ain’t a snitch, you are going to have to kill me.

I guess I’m the one who is going to have to say it. Grimace is a bitch.

My neck, my back. I’m glad the McRib is back.

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s probably going to be it. You may as well go back home to your family’s human ass meat farm. It’s what you deserve.

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen a dog eat sushi, I would finally have enough ammo to give my gas powered nickel gun a decent test run.

Shout out to Papa Butthole

Today in a very special edition of Comedy Bang Bang, we get to the bottom of the question in everybody’s minds. Which Rolling Stone member called Shirley Temple a giraffe-obsessed whore?

You can run but you can’t hide so please stop trying to play hide and seek with us, you suck. Go run a marathon or something.

GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM!!!

The 90’s called, they have materialized into a being made of static energy and they need a skin suit to fit into society.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink it unless you spike it with a little tequila. Horses are know for being raging alcoholics. It’s sad but what you gonna do?

I’ve heard of an open mic, but an open casket?!

You can lead a horse to water but Mr. Hoofington is no ordinary horse. You try anything funny out there and he will make sure they never find your body

Today’s guest is not A.J. from The Backstreet Boys so sorry to disappoint you all again

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again. Me and my grandpa were in a teleporter accident and now we are one person so you can call me the Grandpaman

What is this, Light Your Penis On Fire Day? It is? Cool

The only way out of this place is in a body bag, luckily I have a body so I’m 50% of the way there.

I’ve eaten so many of Bart Simpson’s shorts I’m starting to look like Homer. Also, I’m dying.

I made a skateboard out of cardboard and broke my legs cause this is America!

I’ve heard of junk in the trunk but poop in the butt?