The only Corona I want to hear about is the cool refreshing beer I drink on the beach. Also the coronavirus pandemic, so I can know how to act safely and responsibly to this health threat.

[The only Corona I want to hear about is the cool refreshing beer I drink on the beach. Also the coronavirus pandemic, so I can know how to act safely and responsibly to this health threat.]

The only Corona I want to hear about is the cool refreshing beer I drink on the beach. Also the coronavirus pandemic, so I can know how to act safely and responsibly to this health threat.

[That new uptight manager at the Mexican Restaurant really takes the fun out of fundido, comprende?]

That new uptight manager at the Mexican Restaurant really takes the fun out of queso fundido, comprende?

[Time waits for no man, but Tom Waits for snowman]

Time waits for no man, but Tom Waits for snowman

[Coronavirus? More like corona-bummer! I'm not a fan!]

Coronavirus? More like corona-bummer! I'm not a fan!

[Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, and please pass the aux cord to your boy Scotty Aux-cord-erman aka the host of America's Podcast Comedy Bang Bang!]

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, and please pass the aux cord to your boy Scotty Aux-cord-erman aka the host of America's Podcast Comedy Bang Bang!

[As Wichita Falls, so falls my Wichita balls. Mazel tov!]

As Wichita Falls, so falls my Wichita balls. Mazel tov!

[And the award, for this episodes catchphrase goes to...no...no fucking way...can I say fuck? I don’t care holy fuck you did it baby! Captain Pukefish for “meta-award announcement catchphrase”!!! This is captain pukefish’s first catchphrase of the show.]

We gotta make this happen!!

[I'd rather be jacked off than jacked on!]

I'd rather be jacked off than jacked on!

[How Many Rumps Could One Chump Pump If A One-Pump Chump Pumped Rumps?]

[Hands down, the best way to do a push-up.]

Bahahaha

[there once was a young lad from burbank whose taint was quite nice but his fur stank he'd shampoo it at three but at four he would pee then at six it smelled like an old turd, rank]

there once was a young lad from burbank
whose taint was quite nice but his fur stank
he'd shampoo it at three
but at four he would pee
then at six it smelled like an old turd, rank

[now my penis is quite long and spikey and it reaches way down to my nikes when i run in the sand i must hold it in hand then i soak it in Vaseline nightly]

now my penis is quite long and spikey
and it reaches way down to my nikes
when i run in the sand
i must hold it in hand
then i soak it in Vaseline nightly

[Fell asleep on the job]

Fell asleep on the job

I was stroking my knob

Now my foreman is pissed 

Who, you ask? Foreman Bob!

[Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can. That's The Exorcist code!]

[I smoke up some Cheeba then head to Amoeba and listen to my country music crush, Reba.]

Makin me a believa!

[I'm Scott Soccermom, and I would like to spend the next hour telling you why I absolutely hate the post office and internet ordered mattreses]

I'm Scott Soccermom, and I would like to spend the next hour telling you why I absolutely hate the post office and internet ordered mattreses

[If wishes were horses, horse races would be a logistical nightmare what with all the gamblers wishing that their horse wins. The wish horses would probably interfere with the race.]

If wishes were horses, horse races would be a logistical nightmare what with all the gamblers wishing that their horse wins. The wish horses would probably interfere with the race.

[I don’t give a rat’s ass or a mouse’s ass, but I do give a mean back rub. Oh and may I offer you this gerbil’s dick?]

[Jerkin' ain't workin', that's why my balls are hurtin']

Jerkin' ain't workin', that's why my balls are hurtin'

[Anyone who falls asleep around my dominatrix is snoozin for a bruisin!]

Anyone who falls asleep around my dominatrix is snoozin for a bruisin!

[I think Jay Z was crazy to call Beyonce his fiancee. But what do I know, I just want to rock a feller]

I think Jay Z was crazy to call Beyonce his fiancee. But what do I know, I just want to rock a feller.

[I haven't seen so much shuttlecock since the time my faithless wife took up a gig driving the bus for the local single men's badminton team]

I haven't seen so much shuttlecock since the time my faithless wife took up a gig driving the bus for the local single men's badminton team

[Hot dog, is that ketchup?]

Hot dog, is that ketchup?

[Whose dick do I have to suck to get a piece of ass around here?]

Whose dick do I have to suck to get a piece of ass around here?

[Holy guacamole, this pesto is the best, yo!]

Holy guacamole, this pesto is the best, yo!