StopEatingBees

If you like the pants I keep in my pantry, you'll love what I've got in my country

My mind is tellin' me no, but my body... Oh. Actually, it turns out they both say no.

Pepsi was found dead in its apartment Friday night, guess it WASN'T okay

Jesus Dr. Melman, the last guy who filled my cavities just wanted 20 bucks and a ride home

Thanks to repetition, my happiness is now inexorably linked to hand clapping. It hurts so much

I had a great idea for a sex toy company until Beyond Meat came along and stole my name

Thanks, I appreciate it

Nah, he died

I wish I may, I wish I might, fellatio a fish tonight

All I said was "Craisin Bran" and Mark Cuban shot me in the knee with a crossbow

Every journey starts with a single step. That's also how they end. Therefore it's impossible to know which is which. Just sit back down.

The devil's in the details, but it's ok because Link is in the description and he's got the Master Sword

What if this is the one. My big break.

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by the implausible monetization of basically nothing

For every spider you eat in your sleep, there's a hundred more you're not eating

The candle that burns twice as bright is indicative of a worsening gas leak, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW

maybe werewolves are just mad because they also get their periods around that time

You can lead this horse to water, AND make it drink. This horse will do anything you ask, so get weird with it.

It takes one to know one, but no one to blow one. To go down on one's wiener, I mean. There's products for that.

It's not what you think Your Honor, my son was missing, and the photo of his conception was the only picture we could find

I was vegan for twelve years, then I bit my tongue

And then God said unto Abraham, "I'm bored, go Gallagher your kid on top of a mountain or whatever"

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? I'm burning because of you. I'm a vampire and you gave me gonorrhea.

I guess both of Luke Skywalker's hands feel like someone else when he's crankin it

The sponsors of this episode are all Nazi sympathizers, so shop accordingly