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StopEatingBees

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Everything posted by StopEatingBees

  1. Ants in your pants isn't cool. You know what's cool? Double A batteries in your bodily cavities.
  2. Past the teeth & over the gums, WTF Dad I'm calling the cops
  3. Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I just, I just like collecting rocks
  4. Ladies, PLEASE, you're both disgusting
  5. The glass isn't half-full, my pee is just double-glassed. Now quit doing math and drink.
  6. It's a bird! It's a plane! So?
  7. A picture of a rolling stone killing two birds in a bush is worth a thousand words, also it gathers no moss, the stone I mean
  8. If I have to beg and plead for sodomy, I don't mind, cuz I'm into bottoming, ain't too proud to peg
  9. A fantastical creature with the head of a baby hippo, and the body of a dead baby hippo
  10. You're telling me a galactic Lovecraftian horror fried this rice
  11. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's just illegal to make them fight, Steve
  12. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is 3008, and Juliet is 2000 & late
  13. When in doubt, whip it out. 911? Better run.
  14. Your Tinder profile says you love commitment, but now that the bus is here, you need change? Walk home, liar.
  15. Just got back from getting crunchetized by the Cap'n. I think I need an adult? Preferably a non-seafaring one.
  16. Not saying he couldn't have had it coming, but she does seem to be imagining all the offenses in question. Believe women, but. Come on. Come on Carrie Underwood. Gimme something more concrete than "probably."
  17. Be a trustful Russell, not a suspicious Aloysius.
  18. Oh, you played stupid games and won stupid prizes? What's it like to be a WINNER, you complainy chode?
  19. Flamin' Hot Cheetos in the streets, Freezin' Cold Cheetos in the sheets
  20. My favorite part of Funky Cold Medina is when Tone Loc gets fucked by a dog
  21. What are we gonna do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky... the Shocker's dirty work
  22. "I was five seconds away from retirement," I lamented, backing away from the ledge
  23. I'm not a doctor, I just play one in a hospital! Many people have died.
  24. Is that a boner in your pocket or is your penis just happy to be engorged
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