StopEatingBees

You can't spell "Earwolf podcast" without scatplow fedora

A patient accused me of improperly amputating his asscheeks, so I offered a rebuttal

Dr. Frankenstein molested me when I was 9. But sure, HE'S not the monster.

I guess "you look like a million pounds" is only a compliment in Britain

When you're reincarnated as one of the worms that eats your own dead body, that's amoré

That's right Jesus, I'm NOT your real dad. HE puts your mother's face on toast, and I could never do that to her.

I'd watch an entire Marvel show about their super suits' design, repair, and laundering process

The answer is an ear of corn, really cleans you out too.

Remember when the Coneheads were in the Jake From State Farm commercial? No, you only think of yourself.

It's weird that we don't have any nationwide competitions between all 50 states other than "hottest chick"

Dad, I wanna visit my ancestral homeland. Whip out your nards

Sir Mix-A-Lot really established an unattainable standard for honesty within the Big Butt Liking community

I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of ass. Guess I'll chew bubblegum.

God is my copilot. Urkel is my Air Marshal. The flight attendants are all of the Doctors Who. This plane kicks ass.

Scrappy-Doo was annoying, but he was right - you CAN just beat up the guy in the mask

Does this movie take place in the Guy Fieri Cinematic Flavorverse?

Maybe the sun don't shine in YOUR ass

What did the turkey do to God to get permanent face nards

Thanks to inflation, a bird isn't worth shit anymore. Hand OR bush.

Top 5 Fingers With Access To Your Holes (Number 4 Will SHOCK You)

A man who hated redundancy died this morning. Now he's gone forever, and always will be.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, shit yourself. Right now! There's no stopping us if we all do it together!

I like my coffee how I like my women, needlessly complicated in a way that irritates Starbucks employees

No shit, Sherlock. Not until you solve the murder. Then I'll shit wherever you want.

Mars has two moons so we better be damn sure none of the colonists are werewolves