StopEatingBees

You can't spell macchiato without "a", as in, I would like "a" macchiato

My wiener is seven inches in dog years

Pop quiz, hotshot! Is Pepsi okay?

Hi, I'm Molly. This is my friend Mary Jane, and that's my cousin Opioids McPCP. She's an alcoholic.

All I said was "miners really know how to work the shaft" and now I need bail money? I thought this was America!

A cigarette rests between her tits, Wtf is with that shit, It is the wrong way

I dig two graves before I dig two graves, and then I dig two more

You may not like it, but THIS is what peak male performance sounds like.

I just wanna have a drinking problem, a troubled past, & nothing left to lose, WITHOUT also having to fight crime

Goldilocks would have LOVED the taint. Not too ass, not too balls. Just right.

When the spoon hits your eye, Like a spoon in your eye, That's an eyespoon

At the butt crack, it's/ A little old place, where cheeks/ Can clap together #Haiku

Changing the lyrics from "Love Shack" to "Butt Crack" somehow makes that song more family friendly

Find a penny, pick it up, now wash your hands, 'twas in my butt

Hey girl, I see a cracked pelvis in your future... Don't get in the cab! It doesn't make it through the intersection in time! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THESE POWERS!

The Purge is coming up, I am gonna insider trade SO HARD

You're thinking of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, the mongoose. I'M Frikki-Dikki-Daddy, the domgoose.

Rockabye baby, in the tree top, did you do this, Steve? I'm calling the cops

My Hadron Collider is a grower, not a shower

Pegasus may not have a horn but he sure knows how to peg a bro

Jesus wants me, this I know, for he told me "Te quiero"

Some people call me a beta soyboy. Some call me the gangster of cuck. Some people call me morose. Wah wah.

The camera loves you, but the boom mic thinks it can do better

Look at this phonograph, the cylinders it used were made of wax

The only true knowledge is in knowing that you know way too much about Marvel