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Everything posted by StopEatingBees

  1. There are no stupid questions. There are no stupid answers. None of your friends can see or hear you.
  2. Yo mama so dead that after sex I rolled over twice and she was dead
  3. It doesn't do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to twerk
  4. These primordials aren't much for conversation but they sure make a tasty soup
  5. I guess when I heard Cupid would shoot his love arrows at me, I didn't picture a metaphor
  6. If 2’s company and 3's a crowd, what are 4 and 5? Pedophiles. Stay away from them.
  7. Thanks to autocorrect, my girlfriend is sucking my clock. I had no idea I was into this.
  8. I'm more than just a pretty wiener, you know.
  9. "Eat a bag of dicks" is such an antiquated insult. Oh no, free food, what a drag
  10. When I finally found Waldo, he had a visible erection, and I forgot why I'd been hunting him
  11. Maybe I'm not perfect. But they say practice is perfect, and I've been called a "practice guy"
  12. Star Trek was totally unbelievable. I mean, come on. ALIENS?
  13. Captain America ripping a log in half isn't the only thing that gets me hard, but it never fails
  14. Therapy only gets me hard like 1 out of 5 times
  15. What did the envelope say to the stamp? Nothing, they were both victims of 9/11
  16. At the base of the column of the spine, you're coccyx
  17. Just yelled "Beetlejuice" into a cave, now we wait
  18. My favorite method of execution would be "beaten to death with my own dead body."
  19. I was gonna go freshen up my coffee but I decided I'd just get older instead
  20. God's will stipulates that before the meek can inherit Earth, they must spend one night in this haunted mansion
  21. Don't tell me whether or not I bury survivors, you don't know my life
  22. I made a Play-Doh bust of Joe Rogan, is it still non-toxic?
  23. A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? Smoking.
  24. I told my daughter she wasn't hot enough to get kidnapped, but I guess she showed me.
  25. Bought an everything bagel because I wanted to see my dead dad again. He wasn't there though.