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Everything posted by StopEatingBees

  1. Now I guess you'd say, "But Mr. Temptations, John Coltrane did some of his best work on heroin!" To which I'd reply, "Call me The. Mr. Temptations was my father. Also, yes he did, but you're not a saxophonist.
  2. Dorothy really shit the bed ditching Oz to go home to Kansas, those shoes were worth at least $8 million.
  3. Bitcoin mining is a lot like shoplifting. Wild if literal.
  4. My dog's wiener just touched my hand. Am I gonna turn dog gay?
  5. It's not cheating if your mighty cum blast rockets you around the earth so fast, you turn back time to before you did it
  6. See you later, violator! After a while, pedophile!
  7. They really have that process down to a t
  8. Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Testicles
  9. I'll take "Words That End In -uttsex" for $600, Geordi
  10. Hey girl, are you Spartacus? No, I AM SPARTACUS
  11. I guess what I miss most about the womb is fist bumping my dad's dick
  12. Where do I see myself in five years? The FUTURE, bitch
  13. A hippie, a horticulturalist, and a White House photographer walk into a bar. One of them better show me some bush.
  14. Paint me green and let's have Shrex
  15. Fun Fact: If you were to lay out all the blood vessels in an adult, end to end, you'd be arrested
  16. In my culture we only show our buttholes as a display of remorse, or to close a trade deal
  17. CoverGirl is a very honest name for a makeup company
  18. If you want honesty, ask a kid or a caricature artist
  19. Eat at Freud's, I recommend the deep dick pizza. I mean dish.
  20. Tragedy Bang Bang is all too common in this country
  21. I need to know two things: the melting point of Dippin' Dots, and average human butthole temperature. Nevermind why.
  22. Sorry about your car. In my defense, I forgot I was on fire.
  23. I feel you, left ball. I also have only two close friends.