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Posts posted by StopEatingBees
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Baloney is just Meat Roll-Ups, and personally, I'm ready for some Meat By The Foot to hit the market
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Shave the proposal into your chest hair, then make her fish the engagement ring out of your wild, unkempt bush
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The best three things to buy together are ipecac, laxatives, and a stopwatch
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I was gonna go to college, but in the end, I just put a little mercury in everyone else's coffee instead.
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Man, you know what's hot? Titties.
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Vegetables are good in stew, but some fit best inside of you
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Beethoven's 7th Symphony is incredible overall, but his 2nd Movement is the shit
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The Kinder Egg is both chocolate AND curiosity, and as such, it's got the skills to kill ALL your pets.
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I'd imagine the statute of limitations has already expired for whoever let the dogs out in 2000
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Therapist just showed me 8 pictures of his butthole. He said they're ink blots but I know b-hole when I see it
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Daughter just lost her first tooth! That'll teach her to shut up while I'm watching Ant-Man
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If man were meant to have sex, God would've gave him a wiener. Wait, you guys all got wieners? What the hell, God?
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Bees dance to communicate because any misinformation would spell disaster for the hive, and everyone knows hips don't lie
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I had melted breakfast cheese in my mustache for four hours and none of y'all told me
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Why would I limit myself to one burial site when there's chainsaws
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You had me at "you're just my type," then you lost me at "oh na na na na."
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It takes different strokes to move the world, which is why I switch hands every 30 seconds. You're welcome, world.
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Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No. Who asks that?Â
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As God is my witness, my dog pissed on gymnasts
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Mommy and Daddy, sittin' in a tree, G-E-T-T-I-N-G. Divorced.
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Folks who don't want DC to become a state are ok, but I find the pro-state much more stimulating
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Until you can balance a Cheeto on your boner and launch it into your mouth, you can't tell me nothin
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Listen to Buttholes (& Plugs).mp3 by Corey Miller on #SoundCloud
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My phone doesn't recognize my face unless I'm getting pegged. How can it tell?
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