Kevllis

I’ve lost three family member to depression- Depression is the name of my pet alligator

For sale: brand new baby shoes, worn only once in a tiny motorcycle accident

Hi yes, I’d like to order the liver

Lick the tree, and try not to pee, it’s Comedy Bang Bang

Remember remember the..... day this podcast happens to fall on

Your source for the saddest moonwalking around

And John is in the stall, getting fucked by Paul....? all while there’s an easy, steady drum...? all I know is I want to imagine Paul and John fucking, and George and Ringo playing bingo

Do I change this to: Just Disappointed Money with Jim Cramer ?

Are you mad???

Pfft, typical Paul

And John is getting fucked by Paul

He’s not the mad hatter, he’s just the disappointed hatter

I didn’t know what limestone was, looked it up, and now I do..

I can only cum if I’m being physically stimulated, or, in some cases, mentally stimulated

Lucky for you, you can’t smell a podcast

I like my women like I like my coffee- better with analogies than I am

My favorite Pringle Stack is just to half the ratio of any flavor with plain

Butter me up and call me a biscuit, and also put a t-shirt and a hat on me that says “biscuit”, because I’m a biscuit

New Catchphrase suggestions: first drafts only!

Why do all my improv friends hate my style of “shooting down all their suggestions” while we’re riffing? I do that with my Boston comedian friends all the time....

For all you know, this is hell, pal

Quick tip for losing weight while really working out your abs- vomiting after meals

Hey..

Business in the front, business in the back, really it’s just a haircut

Pain is just fear leaving the body..... wait, no, someone definitely just gut stabbed me with a knife