Kevllis

With great power, comes great abuse of that power to harm people who annoy you

The number one cause of being horny? Horniness

Was geht ab, bratwurst?

Snitches get stitches.... of love

DICKS.com is NOT what I thought it’d be!

Great, now I know what a migraine is- looked it up, apparently it’s some sort of headache..

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it fall- did it crush my cat kody?

Dropping the kids off at the pool- it’s like they love that fucking water park more than the puppy they made me buy them last month

I should just wear a sandwich board that says “I’m fat” yeah, that ought-a cover up my fatness

I love Mike from Better Call Saul, hope he never gets turned into goo

Heavily monitored for your own safety

The greatest dynasty baseball trade I’ve ever made: (Yep, it’s come to this)

Traded Brandon marrow/Jed lowrie/Jake arrieta for Joey Gallo - 2019 preseason Traded Gallo/chavis for Aaron judge/ Ian happ/ kolton wong - mid season Immediately traded Wong/Holland/larnach/and puig for Eugenio Suarez/jarred Kelenic*(opening a spot to pick up FA dylan carlson) *right before either prospect blew up So yeah, this is where I am emotionally right now

Known to cause lead poisoning

I’ll give this catchphrase an “A” for affort

Guys, I’m not looking for a new catchphrase, this is just the bit I’m doing until I get “what’s up hotdog?” Back... Idiots

Are you or someone you know suffering from “Jenny from the block”?

Ever notice how the more you say a certain word, the less it sounds like a word? Does “kerfuckaluff” even have meaning anymore

Ding dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The mother of six...

Like tears in rain, you’re going to get double wet

A man, a plan, Ted Kaczynski

You say potato, I say tomato, you say we’re talking about two different things

Unfortunately we only have time for two final features- the entire show, and a little something called plugs

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but Brenda, I ran over your dog

These boots are made for walking, and I’m not sure what else they do