The number one cause of being horny?... Horniness

[The number one cause of being horny?... Horniness]

The number one cause of being horny?
 

Horniness 

[Was geht ab, bratwurst?]

Was geht ab, bratwurst?

[Snitches get stitches.... of love]

Snitches get stitches.... of love 

[DICKS.com is NOT what I thought it’d be!]

DICKS.com is NOT what I thought it’d be!

[Great, now I know what a migraine is- looked it up, apparently it’s some sort of headache..]

Great, now I know what a migraine is- looked it up, apparently it’s some sort of headache..

[If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it fall- did it crush my cat kody?]

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it fall- did it crush my cat kody?

[Dropping the kids off at the pool- it’s like they love that fucking water park more than the puppy they made me buy them last month]

Dropping the kids off at the pool- it’s like they love that fucking water park more than the puppy they made me buy them last month

[I should just wear a sandwich board that says “I’m fat”. yeah, that ought-a cover up my fatness]

I should just wear a sandwich board that says “I’m fat”

yeah, that ought-a cover up my fatness

[I love Mike from Better Call Saul, hope he never gets turned into goo]

I love Mike from Better Call Saul, hope he never gets turned into goo

[Heavily monitored for your own safety]

Heavily monitored for your own safety  

[The greatest dynasty baseball trade I’ve ever made: (Yep, it’s come to this)]

Traded Brandon marrow/Jed lowrie/Jake arrieta for Joey Gallo - 2019 preseason

Traded Gallo/chavis for Aaron judge/ Ian happ/ kolton wong - mid season 

Immediately traded Wong/Holland/larnach/and puig for Eugenio Suarez/jarred Kelenic*(opening a spot to pick up FA dylan carlson) 

*right before either prospect blew up

 

 

So yeah, this is where I am emotionally right now

[The greatest dynasty baseball trade I’ve ever made: (Yep, it’s come to this)]

The greatest dynasty baseball trade I’ve ever made:

(Yep, it’s come to this)

[Known to cause lead poisoning]

Known to cause lead poisoning 

[I’ll give this catchphrase an “A” for affort]

I’ll give this catchphrase an “A” for affort 

[Guys, I’m not looking for a new catchphrase, this is just the bit I’m doing until I get “what’s up hotdog?” Back... Idiots]

Guys, I’m not looking for a new catchphrase, this is just the bit I’m doing until I get “what’s up hotdog?” Back... Idiots

[Are you or someone you love suffering from “Jenny from the block”?]

Are you or someone you know suffering from “Jenny from the block”?

[Ever notice how the more you say a certain word, the less it sounds like a word? Does “kerfuckaluff” even have meaning anymore]

Ever notice how the more you say a certain word, the less it sounds like a word? Does “kerfuckaluff” even have meaning anymore

[Ding dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The mother of six...]

Ding dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The mother of six...

[Like tears in rain, you’re going to get double wet]

Like tears in rain, you’re going to get double wet

[A man, a plan, Ted Kaczynski]

A man, a plan, Ted Kaczynski

[You say potato, I say tomato, you say we’re talking about two different things]

You say potato, I say tomato, you say we’re talking about two different things

[Unfortunately we only have time for two final features- the entire show, and a little something called plugs]

Unfortunately we only have time for two final features- the entire show, and a little something called plugs

[Butter me up and call me a biscuit, and also put a t-shirt and a hat on me that says “biscuit”, because I’m a biscuit]

Butter me up and call me a biscuit, and also put a t-shirt and a hat on me that says “biscuit”, because I’m a biscuit 

[I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but Brenda, I ran over your dog]

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but Brenda, I ran over your dog

[These boots are made for walking, and I’m not sure what else they do]

These boots are made for walking, and I’m not sure what else they do