fredsolo

You are the butthole in my heart

I did not have sexual relations with that woman because I'm gay

Ladies and germs, guns, and steel is the name of my new autobiography. It was written by my car.

I probably should apologize for what you are about to listen. Im so sorry.

You can lead a horse to water but that doesn't mean you can suddenly declare yourself King of the Animal Kingdom. You still need to submit an application.

They really need to reboot Birth of a Nation.

If you are wondering how many times we'll quote Zach Braff during this program, the answer is A LOT!

Did you know Aaron Spelling invented the alphabet after he realized he was the wizard the prophecy was talking about?

George Lazenby is the best James Bond. Just sayin.

I didn't ask to be President of the Council of Ducks but what else could I do? That turtle said he'd break my legs.

Trigonometry? More like Tiger Botany!

I really want to encourage people to give the movie Norbit a chance. It's well worth it.

If this is your first time listening I must warn you that what you are about to hear will change not only your life but the course of human history.

This is all Hugh Grant's fault!

When God closes a door you better get your shotgun because the Mutant Buddhist Bears are on their way.

I am truly honored that my catchphrase was used in what turned out to be Harris' last podcast, since he was probably the guest that has made me laugh the most. Hopefully it made the transition from Scott's heartfelt speech to the silliness of Farts and Procreation easy for people to take. RIP Harris

The final bit with Harris calling from Heaven made me cry and laugh so much at the same time. God bless you Harris Wittels

RIP Harris Wittels Don't care if Scott uses this or not, just wanted to express my condolences.

If I die today I blame the hip hop

I believe seduction sauce is a real thing

Why doesn't anybody care that I invented the first pair of dog sunglasses?!

Haters gonna hate this delicious strawberry cake on the grounds that it's too lemony but hey, what you gonna do?

I will never trust butterflies. I don't care how cool their special effects are.

This little piggy will be the death of us all.

Welcome back to Brendan Frasier's Colonoscopy Talk Show. I'm your host John Poopturo.