tonybelmario

The rooster says "cock a doodle do" but the hooker says "any cock will do" and that's the only difference between the two

My grandfather had to give up everything to make it to America including his own name when he got to Ellis Island. It crushed him to do that, but the best revenge is living well and the Smellybutt family is doing just fine thank you

If you think New York has good salsa, you should see some of the other culture we've appropriated!

New Fork, New Fork! A utensil so nice I came all over my first one

I want a city that never sleeps and a buttered bagel between the sheets

Hey, I'm bangin here! COMEDY bang banging that is!

I try to set an example. I come early, I stay late, and yet I still get called a terrible one night stand

A stitch in time is a blackout

If you sea salt-thing, sage something

Ever see the back of a $20 bill...... on bath salts?

well done, obv you get more props and stunts than bruce willis

Empire state of mind your own damn business, this is New York!

If you see something, say something. If you see something on SeeSo, Scott has succeeded as a sellout!

Stick israeli dicks in your baleywicks, it's time for pee wee hockey highlights bang bang!

Webster's dictionary says the word courage is pronounced ˈkərij

Hey MOMA, can you FlatIron my MSGeans? I GhostBusted my Empire load on this Broadway's Port Authoritities and ruined my Pants Station.

I took my Enron shares to the Stock Exchange, but they wouldn't even give me store credit!

Don't step in Central Park dressed sexy after dark. And don't do more than 7 seasons or they'll say you jumped the shark

Nothing against the ole melting pot, but I'd rather vape it

Somebody, stop! ...me?

Cleanliness is next to godliness which was RIGHT THERE an hour ago before you started moving all my shit around

PILLOW FIGHTS!!! But he would rather take you to bed.

Sid Caesar sipped his saucy salad. The crispy croutons created crunch.

Pretty pretty please, get on those pretty pretty knees. I don't know why I find them so attractive, I must have brain disease.

No, sir, I am not going to believe you invented Google just because you claim your name is "Mr. Google."