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Pure Guava

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Pure Guava last won the day on September 5 2018

Pure Guava had the most liked content!

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About Pure Guava

  • Rank
    This is actually Adam Scott, Hollywood Bad Boy
  • Birthday 04/03/1973

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Profile Information

  • Location
    Adam Scott's house, usually.
  • Favorite Earwolf Podcast
    Hangin with My lovely wife Naomi, reading Harry Potter to my kids, listening to U2, REM, and if I need to change my vibe? Drop some choice Dead shows (1972 for mellowing me out after kicking Hollywood's ass, 1977 for getting me revved up and ready to kick Hollywood's ass again). then it's time for some straight chillin' round the way, Santa Cruz style, ya know? Puffin' hooters, chewing boomers and making tie-dye shirts for my Dad's friends, then at sunset head down to my church, which you might know as the beach, but for us Cruz Cruisers AKA the Boardwalk Bunch AKA the SCBOYZ it's known as church, not the beach. So church bells ring and I open my eyes to discover I'm kneeling in front of an altar boy not a blue foamy crusher that's when I realize I went to an actual church, not the beach, which is known as church to me, but instead of hitting the gnar-gnar water ladders with my 8ft soft-top boogie board (ages 12-up only, I don't play around with that kiddie stuff, that stuff that is for kids) custom spray painted to have the original poster art for The Lost Boys but my head airbrushed over that dude from Bill and Ted that's not Keanu because that's why I got into pretending to be other people in front of cameras, to meet remake Lost Boys with the same cast except not-Keanu and I guess another reason I slyly waited until now to smirk at you knowingly, pull my sun shades down my nostril middle and I turn to the camera I envision everywhere I go at all times " I heard you can make some pretty big paychecks, we're talking BOO-KOO-DOLL-ORR-AYS BROOOOOSSS"

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  1. Pure Guava

    Bumblebeez nuts

    Got ‚Äėem
  2. Knock knock. Who's there? Oregon. Oregon who? Open this door immediately Oregonna have to break the fucker down
  3. What's up vegan organic free-range cruelty free locally sourced farm to table hotdog? Oh man, with a catchphrase like that you know we be all up in Portland's guts tonight, y'all!!! (Sorry)
  4. Alright Portland, I admit Bridge City is a cool nickname but it doesn't come close to L.A.'s "Under the Bridge Downtown City", the only nickname Los Angeles has ever had or needed.
  5. Portland? More like Sportland, ammirite? Nothing says Sportland like adding an "S" to the beginning of the word "Portland" as I have just demonstrated for all of you ball bopping puck fucking hoop humping Oregon sonsabitches only seconds ago.
  6. If you're happy & you know it keep it to yourself, nothing dampens the already suicidal mood of your pathetic family & friends more than the confusion that follows another outburst of random applause from the hands of you, Mr. Happy P. Smileyshit
  7. Rip City. Bridgetown. Portlandia. Logville. Flannel Bay. Coffee-n'-Rain-sylvania. Damn it Portland, when it comes to nicknames it's quality not quantity, pick a name out of a SLeater Kinney trucker hat and stick to it you hipster fucks.
  8. Portland? More like Abortland because all the hipsters will get that I am making a reference to the Simpsons episode with the personalized license plate joke, leave the baby killing jokes to those evil fucks in Abortland Maine
  9. Wakey wakey, sleepy head, time to rise and shine...Use your blood magic to cause our corpse soldiers to rise from the dead and fill the sky with the black smoke of our vanquished enemies until the sun ceases to shine, that is.