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About tehjeff

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  • Birthday 03/31/1984

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  1. tehjeff

    Dead Silence

    This movie had moments that could have been really cool, like the flashback scene with the ventriloquist show, but other than that I don't understand...much of any of it. Who the fuck is the main guy? I mean, he and his wife were both from that town? I guess? What the fuck does he do? The movie took zero time in establishing anything for anyone -- some independently wealthy guy who lives in a nice apartment with his girlfriend but can leave for long periods of time back to his home town in his cherry classic muscle car? The police tape up his apartment and the place is pretty wrecked but despite the fact that he is a suspect he can just go home and fuck with everything I guess? Is Donnie Wahlberg the only cop on the force? Why is he some weird amalgam of generic detective cliches? If his hometown is literally bankrupt why are there still people there? Literally no store is open and the town is 100% boarded up except for apparently his family's mansion and the funeral home? Was the goal the entire time to create the "perfect doll"? I think the main character has literally 20 lines of dialogue. What Huh Where?
  2. tehjeff

    Chronicles of Riddick (2004)

    All I remember is that this movie has some really terrible camera angles. Everything is kind of tilted. And it lacked any of the grit and oomph of Pitch Black.
  3. I just watched The Happening last night. And I was so excited to come to the forum and add to/begin the discussion (I figured there was already a thread but you never know). And now I am sad. After reading through this thread. Because Christmas wasn't just canceled. It never existed.
  4. tehjeff

    Lost in Space (1998)

    I watched this a couple of years ago and found it to be just the right kind of awful -- fast-paced and entertaining, but with lots of ridiculous plot points and some pretty rough CGI. I loved the movie when it came out, and I remember owning the soundtrack (and having a crush on Lacey Chabert). It has some cheese-tastic lines and some really badly delivered dialogue from William Hurt, Heather Graham, and Matt LeBlanc. Also a terrible child actor and a CGI monkey that changes color. BUT Gary Oldman is pretty great. As he always is. I think this would be a good episode because it takes such a crazy left turn midway through the movie, and I can just hear Jason screaming "WHAT THE FUCK".
  5. tehjeff

    Rage (2014)

    I will give this movie credit for turning into a fully-fledged PSA regarding gun safety in the final 15 minutes. Did not see that coming.
  6. God I love Ben, especially the way he prompts other people when improvising. "Remember that thing? Yeah? And then you said..." Really fun openness with the dialogue. Also his Goofy was amazing, and the British child. And Gil as Donald... "QUACK QUACK."
  7. tehjeff

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    I feel like there were no arcs to the major players. So Peter and Gwen are together, then they aren't, then they are. But in between there is very little happening in regards to their relationship aside from one scene where they meet and talk about being friends, and basically the next is them getting back together and confessing their love. What was the point of the entire thing? If you wanted to add weight to her death then I'd have almost preferred them be together the entire movie because then the impact would have been greater. Saving it for the sequel would make sense, I guess, but really I think they should have done it in the Sinister Six film. This movie gave no time to developing their relationship and what his being Spider-Man does to it. In the original trilogy Peter and MJ are having issues because 1) he cannot split his time between being a hero and being Peter to a degree that would make for a good relationship, and 2) eventually his celebrity overcomes hers and that adds friction. Those are legitimate concerns with which to add drama and tension! In ASM2 it's just "i see ur ghost dad and i really didn't care about his last warning until now bye". Electro could have been really cool, but they didn't want to give the character enough screen time to really see that sort of development. He seems bumbling and nerdy, but Spider-Man awakens this obsession in him and we see that turn from lighthearted to being legitimately scary -- THAT would have been great, to where maybe he puts other people in danger to draw Spider-Man out so he can help him save the day, etc. The entire movie just felt like a waste of money and characters. Like...what is the next step? Are they going to move onto MJ? Is the Sinister Six really the next big element? Just more villains? That isn't exciting after getting this clusterfuck. It's also really annoying how much the Rhino is featured in everything when he is literally in it, in the suit, for 20 seconds.
  8. tehjeff

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    The first one wasn't fantastic but it was bearable. This one is just really sloppy. There is so little effort given in developing anything, and even the action scenes suffer because they are tailored to 3D viewing. Things just happen in the movie, and at the end I just felt like I watched a really, really long trailer because I was shown a lot of important shit but I had no context or development to work with.
  9. tehjeff

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    Ultimately the movie suffers from this lack of jazz hands.
  10. Never has one movie made so little sense. It makes the original Spider-Man trilogy look fucking amazing. The script is so lazily written, the movie is just a collection of things held together by spit and string and it is just insane that something so big and important to a studio can get so little attention.
  11. tehjeff


    When Netflix recommends you a movie based on the fact that you watched In the Name of The King 2, and then you learn that it stars Wesley Snipes and he looks like this: http://www.lionsgatepublicity.com/uploads/assets/0e4d695c-e330-11e2-9b3f-005056b70bb8.jpg You know it has to be good.
  12. Before I delve into Silent Hill: Revelation, I'd like to state that I actually really like the first Silent Hill movie. I like the game series, and while it was a bit wonky with the dialogue and delivery I felt Silent Hill (2006) has a cool visual style and some genuinely cringe-worthy horror moments. Silent Hill: Revelation takes what positive elements exist in its predecessor and wipes its ass with them. Not only is it a terrible, terrible movie in its own right it also takes the time to completely fuck over the movie that came before it by basically retconning events and ignoring basically the entire ending to tell its own weird and confusing tale. I don't understand what is wrong with Kit Harrington, aside from Game of Thrones and How to Train Your Dragon 2 he has done Pompeii (no) and this movie (double no). Basically it follows the first film -- Sean Bean and his daughter are constantly on the move because dark forces are trying to draw her back to Silent Hill for dark purposes. Except that... (SPOILER ALERT) His daughter ended up being pretty much dead/not a real person at the end of the first movie. She was a manifestation of the "good" part of Alessa, the tortured character behind the demonic machinations of Silent Hill. Both the mother and daughter return to their home, to find themselves still a part of the ghostly afterlife while Sean Bean lives on. So basically Revelation says says "fuck that" and makes the daughter alive and a real person, and goes as far as to re-do a stupid scene where the dead mom talks to her husband from the ghost world using some Mortal Kombat Annihilation-level of visual effects. Aside from that, the effects are really bad. This movie was made in 2012, and 1) it looks worse than the first Silent Hill, 2) it looks worse than the recent video game iterations, 3) it looks like someone really liked the Resident Evil series of movies and based the visual style of this movie on those. Nothing makes sense in it, you will often times pause to exclaim aloud "THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE". It also has Malcolm McDowell in it for like 3 minutes, and they say the word "Facebook" four times. The only thing is you sort of have to watch the first movie to really understand how shitty this one is. Like Mortal Kombat and Annihilation. Edit: Oh yeah, also, they straight-up use footage from the first movie to supplement scenes in this one. They also use footage in this movie out of sheer laziness, like a birds-eye video of a car on a winding road -- this was ripped straight from the first Silent Hill.
  13. The music was brilliant, David Bazan sounded amazing. Unfortunately I listened to some tracks on YouTube that are a bit more produced and while good I much prefer the acoustic, low-fi versions. I need to look into an album with those versions. The Atlantis bit was amazing, I am using this episode as the perfect introduction for people who haven't listened before because it's beginning-to-end genius. I loved Huskey as the President, especially the occasional fade-ins during the end of that portion during his final speech. "Legalize cocaine...New Girl reruns..."
  14. tehjeff

    Fantastic Four (2005)

    This movie is ridiculous, and the effects are so terrible. They go to insane lengths (lol) to NOT show Mr. Fantastic stretching, and for good reason because apparently that little bit of movie magic was beyond the effects crew. The movie takes every opportunity it can to show Jessica Alba nude or near-nude, to the point where it makes no logical sense: - The Thing causes some shit on a bridge, and the rest of the family arrive and want to help. - Oh no they need to get to Ben but be unseen, so Reed tells Sue to go invisible so she can sneak up there. Midway, as she is stripping off her clothes, she re-appears. Then she disappears again. - 5 minutes later she meets with Johnny and Reed up ahead -- how the fuck did the two of them get ahead of the crowd? What was the point of her going invisible? It was pointless! - Also they are touted as heroes of sorts despite causing massive damage to a New York bridge for no good reason. Chris Evans is the only one trying in this movie.