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Fade in...close-up of elderly man in mirror with blank expression, mouthing the wrong words to "I Took A Pill in Ibiza"...fade to black.

Since the Red Dawn remake is on the verge of being unleashed upon the world like so much Commie propaganda, I figure it might be a good idea to examine the awfulness that was the original, or doing a joint episode where both are dissected for comedic effect. I have not seen the remake, obviously, but I'm pretty confident from the trailer that it's going to be not-so-good. North Korea invades the US, huh? Sounds likely! "How DID this get made?" indeed. Just mocking the original would be wonderful. It has Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen as siblings, Swayze's future 'Dirty Dancing' co-star Jennifer Grey, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, Harry Dean fucking Stanton, and Powers Boothe being manly while talking around a camp fire. Are there age-inappropriate/potentially statutory rape-ish googly eyes made in Powers Boothe's direction? Hell yes! The plot is basically a series of militarily impossible situations that have the Keystone Cops of the Soviet Union and their dirty Mexican Latin American allies invading the US via the choke-point of American power: Calumet, Colorado. With the help of John Milius's dicrtion and screenplay, it all adds up to the least subtle bit of Reagan-era propaganda this side of a 'Just Say No' after school special.