This Dead Air Brought to You By...

[StevoDoccerson 97]

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES! IHOP! Do you like your pancakes, crepes, and waffles covered in candy? Come to IHOP! Seriously. We will COAT your food in pure sugar. Not enough for you? SMOTHER THAT IN YOUR CHOICE OF SYRUPS! IHOP! "Aw fuck it. Might as well."

 

Also Coming soon: TUBE & TROUGH! All your food, served in a trough! Tubes full of your favorite flavor liquid!

[Silly Lacy 102]

Do you enjoy puzzled smirks on the faces of strangers you encounter? Get a Gym Membership Key Tag!

 

Gym Membership Key Tags! Let people know you're giving money to a gym, even if you don't plan on going.

 

Get the Key Tag!

[ThePinkPhantom 20]

Telegraph! In a complex world of sounds, moving pictures, flashy graphics, and emoticons, you need the simplicity of dashes and dots STOP Telegraph! It's the original Internet STOP Telegraph! Because communications technology peaked in the 1880's STOP Telegraph! It's the orginal Twitter STOP Telegraph! Just STOP

 

From the makers of Pony Express, when it absolutely, positively has to get there weeks from now!

[Carrionghoul 22]

Mr. Clean Nasal Spray!

 

Tired of those dirty, dirty thoughts. Just one or two puffs of Mr. Clean Nasal Spray and you'll be thinking clean thoughts in no time!

 

Side effects may include: headaches, nausea, bleeding from the nose, ears, mouth and eyes, and randomly voiding your bowels!

Mr. Clean Nasal Spray is not responsible for reacurring nightmares, the possible loss of random childhood memories, or the onset of full blown Alzheimer's!

 

Mr. Clean Nasal Spray! AHHHHHH! Now your thinking Clean!

[TotallySweeeeeet! 2]

Mean Gene's Okra-land. For all your okra needs, whether deep fried, pickled, or sliced up for gumbo...get to Mean Gene's Okraland. It's where the slime lives

[ThePinkPhantom 20]

The Big Bang! The beginning of everything! Big Bang! ::Micro-Machine Man voice::Not-to-be-confused-with-"Let-there-be-light"-The-Big-Bang-does-not-support-or-deny-the-existence-of-a-supreme-being.-Please-consult-your-minister-before-supporting-The-Big-Bang.-The-Big-Bang-is-not-responsible-for-any-damnation-that-may-result-from-its-use.-All-Rights-Reserved::end Micro-Machine-Man voice::

[ThePinkPhantom 20]

Has your sword lost its shine? Is your armor offensive? Well clean them and keep them clean with ShiKn-ightAll^TM! Items treated with ShiKn-ightAll^TM resist the worst dungeon dirt! Slimes and jellies slide right off! Rust monsters turn up their noses!

 

We took a common shield and treated it with ShiKn-ightAll^TM. We then left it in a dungeon infested with Gelatinous Cubes! After one week our team of intrepid adventurers recovered the shield, and it gleamed a brightly as the day we left it!

 

So get to your local peddler or merchant and ask them for ShiKn-ightAll^TM! Accept no substitutes!

 

::jingle:: When your gear needs extra shine, ShiKn-ightAll^TM does it, every time! ::end jingle::

 

ShiKn-ightAll^TM!

 

^{(No adventurers were hurt in the making of this ad. Just lots and lots of Gelatinous Cubes.)}

[ThePinkPhantom 20]

Owlbears! What's that bear doing to that owl? Owlbears!

[Effigy_Power 47]

Milk!

If you have to pour a white liquid over your cereal this morning, why not make it milk?

Milk. Brought to you by the people who brought you Butter, the spreadable mucus that won't make you violently throw up.

[Effigy_Power 47]

E-Cigarettes.

When your Fedora and unicycle don't quite cover it yet.

[Effigy_Power 47]

Footie Pajamas for adults.

When you want to obscure your partner's sexual characteristics because you are sick of physical intimacy, why not order a pair of matching unisex footie pajamas? Nothing telegraphs to the world that you have ceased to be a sexual being.

[Bad Wizard 39]

Footie Pajamas for adults.

When you want to obscure your partner's sexual characteristics because you are sick of physical intimacy, why not order a pair of matching unisex footie pajamas? Nothing telegraphs to the world that you have ceased to be a sexual being.

 

Haahahahaha

[Bad Wizard 39]

Owlbears! What's that bear doing to that owl? Owlbears!

Milk! If you have to pour a white liquid over your cereal this morning, why not make it milk? Milk. Brought to you by the people who brought you Butter, the spreadable mucus that won't make you violently throw up.

Truly the two best!

[StevoDoccerson 97]

Coachella! For 3 days you'll be surrounded by the amalgamation of all your old shitty roommates! Enjoy all the music good enough to skip over on Pandora!

Coachella! Remember HEY YA? Those guys!

Coachella! Also Arcade Fire in a non-formal wear required performance! 45 whole minutes! 4 whole songs!