Episode 59.5 — Minisode 59.5

[wakefresh 689]

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2msIhcjomM

 

Wish granted. I taped this episode of Step By Step as a kid and watched this scene over and over because I thought it was so cool. I know it so well, I can actually tell there's a fight with a henchman missing from this clip. They worked Sasha Mitchell's martial arts abilities into the show on occasion, but this was obviously the most gratuitous example.

 

Ok, here's the pitch: Mitchell and Duffy get invited to this mysterious karate tournament in an far off, exotic land right after this scene. The guy running the tournament only speaks through a loud speaker, no one ever sees him in person. Mitchell and Duffy are beating everyone's ass and getting laid until Duffy calls back to Dallas, TX to speak to his rich oil baron dad. That's when he sees a group of women burning Nic Cage in a makeshift wicker man.

 

Then he goes to one of the tournament guards and says, "Suddenly, I'd like to leave your island." When the guards fight back, Duffy's all like, "Man, you come straight outta comic book." Then SHIT HITS THE FAN!!!

 

Mitchell and Duffy are whooping everyone's ass, blowing shit up, fighting their way to the main temple where the tournament organizer is waiting who turns out to be....Al Pacino! Then there are about 20 minutes worth of monologues where Pacino is talking about finger blasting Mona Lisa and how his favorite sin is pride. Then he says to the two of them, "I need you two to fuck to bring about the Anti-Christ."

 

Duffy and Mitchell smile at each other and say at the same time say,"Free will, right?" And then proceed to karate chop each other's heads off....

 

And then we are transported back in time to when Mitchell and Duffy first got the invite to the strange tournament, which is only moments after the bar fight for Dana's virtue.

 

We start playing The Jets "You Got It All"

 

Fade to black.

 

 

 

 

Let's make this happen people.

[jason_ped 2]

STREET FIGHTER: LEGEND OF CHUN LI, would make a better movie to review. STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE is more like 60's style Adam West Batman, all camp. I think everyone buys into as well especially Raul Julia. The word is that the movie was so bad it killed Raul, also JCVD said he took Kylie to pound town, so he had a pretty sweet time. I have STREET FIGHTER on VHS, so yeah I'm a fan. I'm on record as saying your doing the wrong STREET FIGHTER movie. I mean Chris Klein as Nash, "he walks through raindrops" or "you just bought tickets this dance". What does that even mean? Best worse movie ever! JCVD does have a great line about kicking Bison so hard his grandkids will feel it, real Mel Gibson BRAVEHEART shit right there. Just glad were done with the fuckin musicals, great work guys.

[JustinL 216]

 

Mitchell and Duffy are fighting their way to the main temple where the tournament organizer is waiting who turns out to be....Al Pacino! Then he says to the two of them, "I need you two to fuck to bring about the Anti-Christ."

 

 

It's actually ironic you say this. The Anti-Christ character in the revolting Christian book series Left Behind was spawned using DNA from two gay men. A great blog called "Slacktivist" has been doing a nearly page-by-page breakdown of the entire series for the past decade, expounding on its awfulness both morally and as literature. There's twelve books. He's currently in book THREE. It's amazing.

 

http://www.patheos.c...x-i-posts-1-50/

[DeanMcfadden 0]

make sure you guys look out for the sad clown bison painting,it could be the best thing ever created

[BrockLandreth 8]

STREET FIGHTER: LEGEND OF CHUN LI, would make a better movie to review. STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE is more like 60's style Adam West Batman, all camp. I think everyone buys into as well especially Raul Julia. The word is that the movie was so bad it killed Raul, also JCVD said he took Kylie to pound town, so he had a pretty sweet time. I have STREET FIGHTER on VHS, so yeah I'm a fan. I'm on record as saying your doing the wrong STREET FIGHTER movie. I mean Chris Klein as Nash, "he walks through raindrops" or "you just bought tickets this dance". What does that even mean? Best worse movie ever! JCVD does have a great line about kicking Bison so hard his grandkids will feel it, real Mel Gibson BRAVEHEART shit right there. Just glad were done with the fuckin musicals, great work guys.

 

The good-bad movies always make for the best episodes.

[wakefresh 689]

 

It's actually ironic you say this. The Anti-Christ character in the revolting Christian book series Left Behind was spawned using DNA from two gay men. A great blog called "Slacktivist" has been doing a nearly page-by-page breakdown of the entire series for the past decade, expounding on its awfulness both morally and as literature. There's twelve books. He's currently in book THREE. It's amazing.

 

http://www.patheos.c...x-i-posts-1-50/

 

 

Didn't Kirk Cameron star in movie adaptations for these books? That alone is enough to make me poo poo these books. Cameron doesn't believe in God, he believes in something else that is a mismash between the Old Testament God in the Bible, and Archie Bunker.

[Wien 401]

I love this movie so much. I had a lot of fun watching it. More than most HDTGM movies. This movie has THE craziest opening ever, second only to William Forsythe's Strike Force.

[Smigg 1488]

I'm amazed no one has brought up the greatest exchange in the movie:

 

VEGA: "Where were we?!"

 

*Ryu kicks Vega*

 

RYU: "You were losing!"

[Wien 401]

I'm amazed no one has brought up the greatest exchange in the movie:

 

VEGA: "Where were we?!"

 

*Ryu kicks Vega*

 

RYU: "You were losing!"

 

There is much more baffling shit than that going on. The Zangief/E Honda fight with Godzilla noises, brainwashing a monster to be good by making him watch wedding videos (which is typically enough to make anyone insane), the teetotaler bureaucrat that is set up to show that diplomacy is wimpy and defeatist. Zangief's "Change the channel!!" (which in all fairness, did make me laugh) Fucking Dhalsim very randomly being bald and shirtless in his last scene, with NO explanation at all or even a hint of explanation. The fact that most of this movie seems to try its hardest to at least try to mimick what it might perceive to be reality, even on science fiction terms (re: M Bison's magic boots), yet Ryu throws a fucking fireball out of nowhere, and NOBODY seems to be surprised about that. That pose they all do at the very end.

 

And of course, the most egregious front to me from this movie.... every Street Fighter character is squeezed into this movie (even freakin T Hawk) EXCEPT for Fei Long!

[Smigg 1488]

 

There is much more baffling shit than that going on. The Zangief/E Honda fight with Godzilla noises, brainwashing a monster to be good by making him watch wedding videos (which is typically enough to make anyone insane), the teetotaler bureaucrat that is set up to show that diplomacy is wimpy and defeatist. Zangief's "Change the channel!!" (which in all fairness, did make me laugh) Fucking Dhalsim very randomly being bald and shirtless in his last scene, with NO explanation at all or even a hint of explanation. The fact that most of this movie seems to try its hardest to at least try to mimick what it might perceive to be reality, even on science fiction terms (re: M Bison's magic boots), yet Ryu throws a fucking fireball out of nowhere, and NOBODY seems to be surprised about that. That pose they all do at the very end.

 

And of course, the most egregious front to me from this movie.... every Street Fighter character is squeezed into this movie (even freakin T Hawk) EXCEPT for Fei Long!

 

What makes it even worse is that not only do they fit them in any old place, they're nothing like they're character for the most part, like Ryu, the main protagonist from the very first game (which I played on the Sinclair ZX Spectrum in the 80s), all of a sudden, he's a con man.

 

I loved the "Change the Channel!!" line, speaking of Zangieff, did anyone else see him in the new Die Hard movie as one of the gang members (the tattooed guy who goes into the helicopter with the red lighting near the end)?

 

Sagat for me is perhaps the worst one. He was the final boss in the original game, a 7' 5" Muay Thai Champion, now he's "Victor", and looks like the Xerxes/Persian Nightclub owner in the 300/Lesbos episode of South Park.

 

What about that awesome part where Bison says to Sagat "I GUESS YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT DID YOU!!" whilst covering his eye? That's an awesomely delivered line.

[JeremyMorton 0]

Yeah, sorry Paul, but considering Uwe Boll's body of work, this is hardly the worst Video Game adaptation of all time.

I believe that the worst video game movies are House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark, with Uwe having made a *slightly* better movie with BloodRayne.