Small Soldiers (1998)

[swansonator21 5]

On the one hand, I loved this movie as a kid.

 

On the other hand, this movie is utter garbage.

 

It's like if you took the slow reaction time of Sleepaway Camp characters, combined it with fucking magic Chucky action figures that are both sentient and retarded, and sprinkled some Mohr and Cross for comic relief.

 

Not only was this Phil Hartman's last role, but they dedicated the movie to him. Really? Small Soldiers? That's exactly what I think of when I think of Phil Hartman.

 

The whole movie in on youtube in chunks.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwIt5wagRsg

 

Also, this trailer sets the soldiers up as a response to the end of the cold war. Holy shitballs.

[seanotron 2307]

I wholeheartedly endorse this suggestion. I'm trying to envision the pitch meeting with Tommy Lee Jones.

[PayWithHugs 0]

I saw this movie in theaters. If memory serves correctly, the small soldiers shoot someone in the leg with corn-on-the-cob holders. This movie is amazing.

[Johnny Unusual 525]

This isn't a great movie, but it isn't that bad either. It's a so-so movie. Still, I would like an excuse to have Joe Dante on the show. Maybe he and Paul can talk about Piranha 3D or even Piranha 3DD!

[klause 0]

I think this movie might be too much in the middle ground to be a good candidate. It's too watchable to be a bad-bad movie, but not crazy awesome enough to be a bad-awesome movie like Crank or Fast 5

[Roonami 11]

Saw this movie as a teen, too, and teens were the targeted audience for this movie. Even at that time we could tell this movie was probably too dark for the intended audience.

I believe the movie was softened up in the middle of production because certain sponsors were getting in on this movie, which kind of explains how it borders on a dark action comedy, but instead is an awkward summer flick.

[RyanSz 3140]

I remember seeing this as a kid and enjoying it  since it was basically an attempt to make a twisted Toy Story. The idea that by putting in a missile guidance chip into an action figure somehow makes them sentient is insane. I also love that Dennis Leary's CEO character is so stupid rich that he has his assistant follow him with a computerized check writing machine in order to write payoffs for people and I have to assume that Jones only signed on because of his kids or grandkids begging him to and thinking this would be another Toy Story type film.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

On 8/21/2018 at 5:28 PM, RyanSz said:

I remember seeing this as a kid and enjoying it  since it was basically an attempt to make a twisted Toy Story. The idea that by putting in a missile guidance chip into an action figure somehow makes them sentient is insane. I also love that Dennis Leary's CEO character is so stupid rich that he has his assistant follow him with a computerized check writing machine in order to write payoffs for people and I have to assume that Jones only signed on because of his kids or grandkids begging him to and thinking this would be another Toy Story type film.

Yea that was a time where all you had to was sprinkle words like VR, A.I. And megabytes of RAM and could feel like you had your bases covered. I was all on board for a missile guidance chip giving them sentience. 

I was not on board for said microchip also being able to not only bring a legion of barbie dolls to life, but also apparently give them the ability to move despite the fact that the barbies were just hunks of plastic. 

[RyanSz 3140]

On 8/22/2018 at 7:46 PM, Ofcoursemyhorse said:

Yea that was a time where all you had to was sprinkle words like VR, A.I. And megabytes of RAM and could feel like you had your bases covered. I was all on board for a missile guidance chip giving them sentience. 

I was not on board for said microchip also being able to not only bring a legion of barbie dolls to life, but also apparently give them the ability to move despite the fact that the barbies were just hunks of plastic. 

But Barbie can do anything...I mean have you seen ALL of the uniforms she wears?

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I just remember being blown away that they were all wearing camo. Like did the commando elites paint them like that or is camoflauge the stock bra and panty combo for all the dolls. 

Also when I read about the indepedent breakdowns of the newest Tesla Model 3, and they said that some of the components were military spec levels of quality. I couldnt help but think about this movie and worry about an impending mutiny from Tesla cars gaining sentience.