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Darian

After Earth

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If any good comes out of this movie it will be that Will might get Jaden some acting lessons before giving him the lead in another 100 million dollar movie.

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At ANY point, does the older Smith say "Welcome to Erf!"? He should. He just fucking should.

 

I fully expect M. Night to show up in a cameo as the guy that explains everything...

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It seems that M Night's budgets get bigger while his movies get worse. I held some skepticism about this one right from that first trailer where Will Smith says humans haven't lived on Earth for 1000 years and then immediately says everything on Earth has evolved to kill humans. Huh? Think that one through, Will.

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I almost went to see this one tonight. decided to save it for a rainy day.

 

This was one of the non-splattered tomato reviews:

 

"A simplistic, father-son morality play strictly for little kids and diehard Will and Jaden Smith fans. Destined to be added to the pantheon of inadvertently-funny blaxploitation flicks with a devoted cult following."

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With how brutal the reviews are and how well Fast 6 did opening weekend, I wonder if Fast 6 could beat it this weekend. If it were able to there would be no way to spin it as a succesful opening, given Will Smith's track record. No matter what though this will make a ton of money overseas based solely on the two Smiths.

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Is Will doing a Sidney Poitier accent in this movie? Who thought that was a good idea?

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I think he's actually attempting to do a southern accent, but that's not what is coming out of his mouth.

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With how brutal the reviews are and how well Fast 6 did opening weekend, I wonder if Fast 6 could beat it this weekend. If it were able to there would be no way to spin it as a succesful opening, given Will Smith's track record. No matter what though this will make a ton of money overseas based solely on the two Smiths.

 

Definitely, most analysts are saying that this should make around 30 million for the weekend, which is HORRIBLE for a June weekend premier, let alone one starring Mr. Summer Blockbuster Will Smith. Even if Furious 6 has a sale drop off of 50% it would still make twice as much as After Earth. Unfortunately, Will's ego has been getting bigger and bigger these past couple years so he is going to continue to buy movies for his kid to star in. Plus, he probably turned a lot of people off after saying he turned down Django Unchained because he felt he wasn't going to be the main character in comparison to Christoph Waltz, even though the character is featured throughout the whole movie, kills the villains, and has his name in the damn title.

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Is M. Night America's Uwe Boll?

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You gotta give M Night a ton of credit for continuously conning his way into directing these big budget films, despite piling up crapfest upon crapfest.

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Some of the reviews I've read indicate that the movie is mostly tedious as opposed to egregiously silly, so it may not be that fun to do on the podcast.

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Is Will doing a Sidney Poitier accent in this movie? Who thought that was a good idea?

 

This is one of the major complaints I've read. Apparently both Smith boys have this strange accent that everybody has in the future, and neither one pulls it off very well. I'm guessing that's why the most you hear Jaden say in any preview is "No suh". There is literaly no point in making a 14 year old use a weird accent while asking him to carry a movie with this much CGI interaction.

 

I agree with Sean, all the reviews I've read have said that while it's horrible it's more of a "when will it end" kind of horrible. So even though this movies reviews are on par with M. Nights worst, Airbender, it doesn't seem like HDGM material.

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You gotta give M Night a ton of credit for continuously conning his way into directing these big budget films, despite piling up crapfest upon crapfest.

 

You don't need to con people when your movies, despite their quality, earn back more than twice their budget.

 

http://www.businessw...x-office-profit

 

Though I do wonder if they did research to see if M. Night's name on the product would hurt box office. That's counter-intuitive to me because I didn't even know this was his film until this week, and I had little interest in seeing it until I did. Don't overlook the "ironic douchebag" market.

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To me, what's amazing about this movie is that it makes "Now You See Me" the reasonable new release to go see in theaters.

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Just got home from this. Boyfriend and I have been angry ranting about it for an hour already. Still ranting.

 

 

UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH

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I didn't know if anyone has seen it and I'm scared if I start typing it will turn into a wall of crazy text... but here goes.

 

My main beefs were...

 

1) There was essentially no reason to have them crash land on Earth. The animals WERE NOT more dangerous or "evolved to destroy humans" in any way and one of them was actually really friendly (don't get me STARTED ON THE FUCKING GIANT FRIENDLY CONDOR) and the fact that the air wasn't breathable made zero sense considering the vast amount of plant life. Also, if it really froze every single night, then nothing would be alive. uughggh whhhyyyy. Why not a massively radiated planet full of toxins and mutated cockroaches?!?! The only actual danger on Earth was the alien they brought in the cargo hold (another obnoxious trope) It really seemed like Shyamalan was trying to cram in some sort of convoluted environmental point about animals thriving without humans or something, (there was a scene of like 1,000 buffalos roaming peacefully by) but it did not land at all.

 

2) Jaden's character was bullshit. Did he want to be a super soldier? Or was he just a whiny baby who didn't want to do this at all?? He had no drive and he puttered around and made poor choices and frustrated the hell out of me.

 

3) And the worst case of all of the two poorly pooooorly developed characters was Will Smith. His character was so cold and unfeeling to the point that he appeared to be a Vulcan or and android or something. But despite his horrible nature, his family just ADORES him!! His daughter calls him giggling on the video phone while he stares unfeeling at the screen. WHY DO THEY LIKE HIM?! HE'S A DICK. I kept waiting and waiting for the monologue where he apologizes to everyone for becoming so hard and letting them all down, but NOPE.

Like, I can't tell you how upset I am, like nearly to the point of breaking down in frustrated tears, about Shyamalan's directing choices. Like, if he wasn't such a terrible, performance squashing director who let actors make actual choices. If Will's character was more like his character in Independence Day, charming but a damn good solider. If he had been rooting for Jaden in those tense moments, if I believed he was actually on his son's side I'm telling you I would have wept and clapped through this whole movie. They made the stakes SO HIGH but nobody gives a shit!! I wanted yelling and crying and cheering! ANYTHING!!!

 

 

 

This is already too long, I'm rambling. I can tell y'all more if you want, but I doubt this makes any sense.

 

 

also the space ship was made out of netting and paper holy christ

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Ever since I saw the first preview for this I've had an unhealthy hatred for it and have been waiting for months hoping critics would hate it and it would bomb. That said I can't bring myself to actually pay money to see it, so thank you Shannon for sharing all this craziness with us.

 

Also, were the accents as bad as people are making them out to be?

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Also, were the accents as bad as people are making them out to be?

 

They went in and out to be honest. But they were weird as fuck. Like civil war era southern with weird british vowels on occasion. garbage. so unessecary.

 

Like at one point, (in ADR) Will Smith says something very close to, "Son, dontchu break ma damn cutlass!" (that got a HUGE laugh... there are very odd "jokes" strewn about too) And I was like, "YES! BE THAT GUY!! LET ME CARE ABOUT YOUUU!" But it is the one and only time in the whole movie where he has any semblance of a personality.

 

 

Me and the BF were really excited to see this today, we love terrible movies. Like in a completely un-ironic way, just appreciating the fact that millions of dollars are spent on something so awful it just fills me with glee. But this wasn't even fun bad. I can't really even say that it was bad! It just was. There was a framework of an incredible movie in there, it looked pretty fabulous, but the characters were so weak and so lacking in charisma that it was frankly boring. There wasn't even a Shyamalan twist to be pissed at!! (Our theory was it would be that the whole thing was a virtual training exercise and it wasn't real)

 

I wanted it to be more like Oblivion. I LOVED Oblivion. Is there a thread for that yet? (I should know that) Ohhhhh my goddd I could talk about that movie forever. It absolutely DELIGHTED me with its terribleness.

 

 

edit: made an oblivion thread

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To me, what's amazing about this movie is that it makes "Now You See Me" the reasonable new release to go see in theaters.

 

Having just got back from seeing Now You See Me it was the right choice as that movie was pretty good. It had some decent humor and a decent twist to go in line with the overall theme of the movie, so much to the point that one bitch at the back of the theater was loudly expressing her disbelief.

 

As far as After Earth is as much a error on the part of the Smiths as it is M.Night. Smiths for the fact that their inflated egos felt that they could make this movie, for the son's benefit no less, and basically act in front of a green screen and rake in the dough. Will was able to do it with I Am Legend because he can be a great actor when he wants to be. For M. Night this is the other of his two big cliches that he relies on heavily, the earth must be respected or it will destroy us or it can save us. Signs had the god awful twist of water being harmful to the aliens, Lady in the Water was about a civilization that broke off from man because they didn't respect water or some shit, the Happening was about plants getting revenge on people for not respecting the environment, and now this movie.

 

I was actually surprised to see Gary Whitta's name attached to the screenplay along with M. Night as Whitta has had good work with Book of Eli and the bigger parts of the Walking Dead video game that came out last year.

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They went in and out to be honest. But they were weird as fuck. Like civil war era southern with weird british vowels on occasion. garbage. so unessecary.

 

Like at one point, (in ADR) Will Smith says something very close to, "Son, dontchu break ma damn cutlass!" (that got a HUGE laugh... there are very odd "jokes" strewn about too) And I was like, "YES! BE THAT GUY!! LET ME CARE ABOUT YOUUU!" But it is the one and only time in the whole movie where he has any semblance of a personality.

 

 

Me and the BF were really excited to see this today, we love terrible movies. Like in a completely un-ironic way, just appreciating the fact that millions of dollars are spent on something so awful it just fills me with glee. But this wasn't even fun bad. I can't really even say that it was bad! It just was. There was a framework of an incredible movie in there, it looked pretty fabulous, but the characters were so weak and so lacking in charisma that it was frankly boring. There wasn't even a Shyamalan twist to be pissed at!! (Our theory was it would be that the whole thing was a virtual training exercise and it wasn't real)

 

I wanted it to be more like Oblivion. I LOVED Oblivion. Is there a thread for that yet? (I should know that) Ohhhhh my goddd I could talk about that movie forever. It absolutely DELIGHTED me with its terribleness.

 

 

edit: made an oblivion thread

So he DOESN'T say "Welcome to Erf!"? That's all I need to know :( *sigh* If I was going to Earth in the future and lived in a universe where Will Smith had existed as a popular actor that starred in a certain film where he knocked out a giant alien with one punch, I would be saying it ALL the fucking time. Oh, it'd be funny at first, but then it would get old, REALLY old, before it turned back around to the point that it became HILARIOUS because I had committed to it so completely. And then I'd take it too far, and my fellow Earth explorers would murder me.

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The problem with trying to make Jaden Smith happen is that Jaden Smith doesn't have 1/1000th of his father's charisma. That kid is dull as dirt. Well, when he's not out shopping with Kylie Jenner in his Iron Man costume. No seriously, that is a thing that happened.

 

jaden-smith-kylie-jenner-new-york-city_zpse431f6ad.jpg

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The problem with trying to make Jaden Smith happen is that Jaden Smith doesn't have 1/1000th of his father's charisma. That kid is dull as dirt. Well, when he's not out shopping with Kylie Jenner in his Iron Man costume. No seriously, that is a thing that happened.

 

jaden-smith-kylie-jenner-new-york-city_zpse431f6ad.jpg

That kid's made some serious bank. You'd think he'd be wearing something a bit more...screen accurate? That's still closer than Terrence Howard ever got to putting on the armor...

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Someone needs to slap him for that.

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