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JulyDiaz

Episode 69.5 — Minisode 69.5

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From IMDB trivia:

 

The film's poster features ninjas on it along with Kurt Thomas. There are no ninjas featured or referenced in this film.

 

This is going to be amazing.

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If that's the case, then it's only a matter of time before HDTGM gets a show on IFC

I would watch the hell out of that as a TV show!

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Am I going to be crucified if I say I found this unbearable - as opposed to the glee I'm seeing in most reactions? I end up having a fun time watching most of these movies, but this was just... ugh.

 

I like karate moves. I love batshit craziness. But this movie just came off as super creepy to me.

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You guys! This is going to be fucking awesome! Even the comments for the minisode are killing it. I'm so jazzed for this.

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I like karate moves. I love batshit craziness. But this movie just came off as super creepy to me.

 

Was it the lingering crotch shots or the awkward kissing that made it creepy for you? Because those two things are the saving grace of this movie, imho.

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You had me at Bing.

 

(Damn you, Bruce Reid Robinson II.)

 

...

 

The listenership for HDTGM must be growing in giant leaps; the whole explanation of "this is what we do on the show" during the minisode must have been due to that. This has got to be the #2 show on Earwolf now, right?

 

 

I would not doubt it. I'm sure it is a must-get ticket in L.A. because the live shows seem really cool.

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oRAAv8ml.png

 

This guy's eye-work cracked me up.

 

 

Lol, that's the old lady that gives him a rub down in the palace.

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Lol, that's the old lady that gives him a rub down in the palace.

Wait what? I thought she was a man the whole time!

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It is goddamned inexcusable that they aren't doing a Gymkata/Equilibrium double-feature.

 

 

 

Whoa! What the hell?!!!! Christian Bale is playing Neo, now? Did this go straight to DVD because I don't ever remember seeing this on a marquee.

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Wait what? I thought she was a man the whole time!

 

I'm sure they'll be a gender discussion ala the country-of-origin dispute in the Devil's Advocate episode.

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Aside from being an obvious ripoff of The Matrix, Brave New World and Fahrenheit 451, Equilibrium is not a bad movie. Don't forget that this director also did Ultraviolet, which would be a much better movie for this podcast (Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever also should be done long before Equilibrium).

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Aside from being an obvious ripoff of The Matrix, Brave New World and Fahrenheit 451, Equilibrium is not a bad movie. Don't forget that this director also did Ultraviolet, which would be a much better movie for this podcast (Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever also should be done long before Equilibrium).

 

I think ripoff is a strong word. Equilibrium is what would come out if the writer was just told to read the Cliff Notes of Brave New World and Fahrenheit 451 and forced to watch nothing but Resident Evil movies. While watching the trailer I half-expected that crazy "RAWR RWAR RWAAAAR!" heavy-metal-like music to start playing.

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I think ripoff is a strong word. Equilibrium is what would come out if the writer was just told to read the Cliff Notes of Brave New World and Fahrenheit 451 and forced to watch nothing but Resident Evil movies. While watching the trailer I half-expected that crazy "RAWR RWAR RWAAAAR!" heavy-metal-like music to start playing.

 

That describes a soundtrack I would have bought around 2002...

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the precise nature of gymnastics and the killing power of karate.

 

laSWblu.jpg

 

Well, it's "The skill of gymnastics. The kill of karate." But the real point is...

 

Shouldn't the movie's name be GYMKARATE? Or GYMRATE? Gymkata sounds like a foot infection you'd get from the showers at 24 Hour Fitness.

 

And there is no actual karate in the movie anyways. There's the infamous pommel scene and some double bar work and a bit of archery, but I don't recall karate ever being used by anyone at any point.

 

From IMDB trivia:

 

The film's poster features ninjas on it along with Kurt Thomas. There are no ninjas featured or referenced in this film.

 

4nAAnPT.png

 

I'm not saying these are legit ninjas, but they're in the film.

 

I've got $20 on June finding the Village of The Crazies upsetting.

 

BXzHBu4.png

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That describes a soundtrack I would have bought around 2002...

 

If System of a Down counts as that RAWR RAWR music, then you may have seen that in my player around the same time.

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laSWblu.jpg

 

Well, it's "The skill of gymnastics. The kill of karate." But the real point is...

 

Shouldn't the movie's name be GYMKARATE? Or GYMRATE? Gymkata sounds like a foot infection you'd get from the showers at 24 Hour Fitness.

 

And there is no actual karate in the movie anyways. There's the infamous pommel scene and some double bar work and a bit of archery, but I don't recall karate ever being used by anyone at any point.

 

 

 

4nAAnPT.png

 

I'm not saying these are legit ninjas, but they're in the film.

 

I've got $20 on June finding the Village of The Crazies upsetting.

 

BXzHBu4.png

 

laSWblu.jpg

 

Well, it's "The skill of gymnastics. The kill of karate." But the real point is...

 

Shouldn't the movie's name be GYMKARATE? Or GYMRATE? Gymkata sounds like a foot infection you'd get from the showers at 24 Hour Fitness.

 

And there is no actual karate in the movie anyways. There's the infamous pommel scene and some double bar work and a bit of archery, but I don't recall karate ever being used by anyone at any point.

 

 

 

4nAAnPT.png

 

I'm not saying these are legit ninjas, but they're in the film.

 

I've got $20 on June finding the Village of The Crazies upsetting.

 

BXzHBu4.png

 

It is sort of messed up that the biggest fight scene for the main character is against a bunch of people with mental illness. It would have been way better if he had beaten up Thorg instead of the crazy people getting him.

 

I like this game:

Gymkata sounds like a genre of porn that has to deal with gloryholes in gym bathrooms.

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Also, "the kill of karate"? I don't think killing is really a central tenet of karate.

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Also, "the kill of karate"? I don't think killing is really a central tenet of karate.

It doesn't make sense grammatically, either. I know they were going for alliteration, but there's no "kill of karate". That's like saying "the deadly of kickboxing".

 

Or maybe it's like "a murder of crows", where a "kill of karate" is the term for a group of karate fighters.

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This movie is a propaganda film for the U.S. Gymnastics Association. I bet they were looking to get young kids interested in gymnastics and build up the program to battle against the Russians. Remember, this is at the height of the Eastern Bloc doped up athlete, and the U.S. was actually getting a run for its money at the Games (the Olympic kind, not the Parmistan kind). It explains so much about why the movie is the way it is:

 

No cursing.

 

That's why they cast a Playboy bunny as the love interest and there was no nudity. This movie would have been 100% better with a nice boob or ass shot.

 

Also, this explains why the plot is so crazy. It doesn't have to make sense if the main audience is 6-8 year-olds. When the CIA guy is like "Military action is out of style," it doesn't make sense to anyone who has taken a U.S. History class, but to an elementary-aged child, it makes total sense

 

All of the animals. Kids love animals.

 

 

And they also try to make it seem like you can use your gymnastic skills to beat people up. That's why the pommel horse is in the Village of the Crazies because they wanted to make a connection between that piece of equipment and excitement. I wonder how many guys started doing gymnastics because of this movie.

Edited by Shariq Torres

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No cursing.

 

That's why they cast a Playboy bunny as the love interest and there was no nudity. This movie would have been 100% better with a nice boob or ass shot.

 

Also, this explains why the plot is so crazy. It doesn't have to make sense if the main audience is 6-8 year-olds. When the CIA guy is like "Military action is out of style," it doesn't make sense to anyone who has taken a U.S. History class, but to an elementary-aged child, it makes total sense

But it's an R-rated movie! Which is weird, because at this time in cinema, you could get away with some cussing and a quick boob shot in a PG movie.

 

I wonder how many guys started doing gymnastics because of this movie.

Zero.

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Whoa! This movie is R-rated!!!?!?!?!?!? Ok, so I have to rethink my whole premise. Maybe it wasn't a propaganda film, but a vanity project for Kurt Thomas. Maybe he was insanely jealous of Mary Lou Retton and was like, "I'm gonna show that bitch how a REAL Olympic champion does it. I'm making a movie!"

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Am I going to be crucified if I say I found this unbearable - as opposed to the glee I'm seeing in most reactions? I end up having a fun time watching most of these movies, but this was just... ugh.

 

I like karate moves. I love batshit craziness. But this movie just came off as super creepy to me.

 

No worries, it's a thin line between so bad it's good, and just straight up bad, and that line is different for each of us. I felt the same way about A Talking Cat!? which people were super pumped about but I was like this shit is just boring as fuck.

 

Also, did you watch this alone? I try to never watch these movies alone, having like-minded people in the room along for the ride always heightens the movie. I never would've gotten through Birdemic on my own.

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