Blast Hardcheese 636 Posted January 18, 2014 Since June and Paul are expecting, it seems only natural that HDTGM should review an animated movie to subject/indoctrinate their little one to. To this, I recommend the 1987 animated abomination G.I. Joe: The Movie. Let's break it down: • The opening off-Broadway song 'n dance "Coooo-braaaa!" fire fight on the Statue of Liberty. • "Starring" Burgess Meredith, Don Johnson, Sgt. Slaughter, and Chris Latta (a.k.a. the fat, sweaty "Sharing Husband/titty pimp" from Road House) as Cobra Commander. • The introduction of Cobra-La, an ultra-gonzo, fucking bananas army of serpent-themed weirdos who eschew human technology in favor of "organic" weaponry such as plane-like creatures that shoot what looks and sounds like cum-bullets, airships made of giant kidney-shaped worms and bridges and other palace refineries made of giant insects (start prepping your nightmares now, kids!) • Previously insurmountable and impervious freakish new enemies defeated by our heroes in the third act by not altering their game plan or attack strategy one bit. • Killing-off a major character, realizing that didn't go over so well in the animated Transformers movie, and ADR-ing a "He's going to be okay!" at the end. Add to this, G.I. Joe the Movie is really fuckin' entertaining ...as far as bad movies go. Yo Joe! So, besides being a vehicle in order to ramp-up toy sales, how did this movie get made? Knowing is half the battle. Share this post Link to post
PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138 Posted January 18, 2014 Since June and Paul are expecting, it seems only natural that HDTGM should review an animated movie to subject/indoctrinate their little one to. To this, I recommend the 1987 animated abomination G.I. Joe: The Movie. Let's break it down: • The opening off-Broadway song 'n dance "Coooo-braaaa!" fire fight on the Statue of Liberty. • "Starring" Burgess Meredith, Don Johnson, Sgt. Slaughter, and Chris Latta (a.k.a. the fat, sweaty "Sharing Husband/titty pimp" from Road House) as Cobra Commander. • The introduction of Cobra-La, an ultra-gonzo, fucking bananas army of serpent-themed weirdos who eschew human technology in favor of "organic" weaponry such as plane-like creatures that shoot what looks and sounds like cum-bullets, airships made of giant kidney-shaped worms and bridges and other palace refineries made of giant insects (start prepping your nightmares now, kids!) • Previously insurmountable and impervious freakish new enemies defeated by our heroes in the third act by not altering their game plan or attack strategy one bit. • Killing-off a major character, realizing that didn't go over so well in the animated Transformers movie, and ADR-ing a "He's going to be okay!" at the end. Add to this, G.I. Joe the Movie is really fuckin' entertaining ...as far as bad movies go. Yo Joe! So, besides being a vehicle in order to ramp-up toy sales, how did this movie get made? Knowing is half the battle. The first thing I thought of when Retaliation was delayed was how it was EXACTLY like what had happened 25 years before, only on a much larger scale. I think they eventually admitted "Yeah, killing off Duke, who is played by a guy that just had an AWESOME year, was a huge fucking mistake", and I thought they would make his demise more ambiguous, like we wouldn't see a body, leaving it open for his return in the next film, but nope, we got his charred corpse. *sigh* Share this post Link to post
Joven 373 Posted January 18, 2014 CobraLALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA It makes sense that Duke didn't die...all that happened was a snake was thrown at him, snakes aren't known to be that sharp... OneWallCinema has a good iriff for this, I've watched it a few times now, http://www.rifftrax.com/iriffs/onewallcinema/onewallcinema-gi-joe-movie-1987 Share this post Link to post
Rattrap007 52 Posted January 19, 2014 If you watch the Blu-ray of it with the commentary, you learn about some of the problems involved. The writer wanted it to be darker. Cobra-La was a placeholder name he used till he could come up with a better one, but the studio decided to use it. He says if he had known that he'd have used something like Granny's Body Factory... If he had his way he would have simply written Shipwreck's Tijuana Vacation... Also I kinda take offense on the song and dance opening line. That is the best part of the entire damn movie. Tons of awesome action, it has a decent plot, and is beautiful to look at... Share this post Link to post
Blast Hardcheese 636 Posted January 19, 2014 If you watch the Blu-ray of it with the commentary, you learn about some of the problems involved. The writer wanted it to be darker. Cobra-La was a placeholder name he used till he could come up with a better one, but the studio decided to use it. He says if he had known that he'd have used something like Granny's Body Factory... If he had his way he would have simply written Shipwreck's Tijuana Vacation... Also I kinda take offense on the song and dance opening line. That is the best part of the entire damn movie. Tons of awesome action, it has a decent plot, and is beautiful to look at... I apologize Rattrap007. Given your avatar, I have a feeling we like a lot of the same things (G.I. Joe, Transformers, James Bond, etc. ) Don't get me wrong, this opening scene is really spectacular in terms animation, action, tempo (I particularly like how Duke plants the bomb on the Cobra air ship and the explosion cascades through the haul in these extended light ripples). But that song... I was 11 or 12 when this movie came out, and I remember that song giving me embarrassment shivers when the vocals came in. Not as bad as "You Got the Touch," mind you, but still... Share this post Link to post
Rattrap007 52 Posted January 19, 2014 I apologize Rattrap007. Given your avatar, I have a feeling we like a lot of the same things (G.I. Joe, Transformers, James Bond, etc. ) Don't get me wrong, this opening scene is really spectacular in terms animation, action, tempo (I particularly like how Duke plants the bomb on the Cobra air ship and the explosion cascades through the haul in these extended light ripples). But that song... I was 11 or 12 when this movie came out, and I remember that song giving me embarrassment shivers when the vocals came in. Not as bad as "You Got the Touch," mind you, but still... I wasn't actually offended or anything. Just wanted to embellish my disagreement.. As for the song I know it. Crashing through the sky comes an evil cry Cobraaaa (Cobra!) Cobraaaa (Cobra!) Armies of the night Evil taking flight Cobraaaa (Cobra!) Cobraaaa (Cobra!) Nowhere to run Nowhere to hide Panic spreading faaar and wiiiide Who can turn the tiiiide? GI JOOOOOOOE A Real American Hero GI JOOOOOOOE GI Joe is there GI JOOOOOOOE A Real American Hero GI JOOOOOOOE GI Joe is there Fighting for freedom wherever there's trouble over land and sea and aaaair! GI Joe is there Can the world oppose deadliest of foes Cobra! (Cobra) Cobra! (Cobra) Joes will risk it all to end the evil call of Cobra (Cobra) Cobra (Cobra) They never give up The never say die walking tall with banners high They sound the battle cry Yo Joe (Yo Joe) GI Jooooooe A real american Hero GI Jooooooe is there Fighting for freedom where ever There is trouble. Over Land and sea and air! GI Joe is theeeeeere! (Narration: GI Joe is the code name for America's daring highly trained Special Mission force. It's purpose is to defend the human freedom from Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world.) GI Jooooooe A real american Hero GI Jooooooe is there GI Jooooooe A real american Hero GI Jooooooe is there Fighting for freedom where ever There is trouble. Over Land and sea and air! GI Joe is theeeeeere! GI Jooooooe A real american Hero GI Jooooooe is there GI Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe The first half I did from memory. I got the song on my ipod. I am such a nerd... 1 Share this post Link to post
