Episode 33 — Anders Holm, Our Close Friend

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

Fun Fact: X-Men: Days of Future Past was released in Jamaica under the title X-Mon: Days of Future Past, Mon

[robinsbruce 4985]

Guys we can totes hit 300 this week if we push through. Lets talk about sex bay bee.

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

Uhh uhhh... Amazing Spider Dash Mon 2

uhhhh... Godzilla Bumbaclot

I'm sorry BRRII the bit is starting to collapse I need to escape it! I wish I could've carried us over 300 but it all unraveled!

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

That one with Zac EfMon and Seth RogMon?

[showshowbro 1177]

plus the tickets are 2 extra dollars, it's like I died and gone to hog heaven

 

dude, it cost 16$ to see a 3d movie in new york.

 

once i turn 18 -- it'll cost 19.50$

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

That one with Zac EfMon and Seth RogMon?

Living Beside Youth Dancehall

[greggy 15909]

 

dude, it cost 16$ to see a 3d movie in new york.

 

once i turn 18 -- it'll cost 19.50$

wwhoa i am awestruck

[Freja 1290]

showshowbro please tell me your mom isn't chaperoning our senior trip I will fkn lose it if she is

[greggy 15909]

here in small town america you can get a ticket to the zoetrope show at the bijou theatre on main street for a buffalo nickel, and it comes with a bushel wagon of popped corn to throw at the screen

 

3d movies still cost $14 tho, fuc*ed but true

[showshowbro 1177]

showshowbro please tell me your mom isn't chaperoning our senior trip I will fkn lose it if she is

 

you think i would let that shit fly??? last names A - N have Mr. Fucking Dybdhall but Sarah told me she saw him watching porn on his phone so I'd like to see him try to tell me what to do.

 

you should definitely steal some vodka because like -- the lincoln memorial is boring as fuck.

 

who are you rooming with??

[honlads 8798]

3D tickets are expensive but they're worth it because it's almost like the ticket is actually there thanks guys

[Freja 1290]

 

you think i would let that shit fly??? last names A - N have Mr. Fucking Dybdhall but Sarah told me she saw him watching porn on his phone so I'd like to see him try to tell me what to do.

 

you should definitely steal some vodka because like -- the lincoln memorial is boring as fuck.

 

who are you rooming with??

 

i dunno i might not even go at this point. tyler and them were sayin something about his lake house so might do that instead. just really getting sick of kara at this point and im in a double w/her and mr dybdhall said i can't switch. kara keeps tagging me in her "truth is..." posts and im fkn sick of havin to tell her she has a pretty smile neways glad your mom isnt coming see you in homeroom

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

Mr DY B-Hole is mroe like it.

[Joe McGurl 8358]

*wakes up from napping since Thursday*

WHAT DAY IS ITTTTTT

 

*looks at calender*

*sees that it's Sunday*

 

Oh, alright.

 

*goes back to sleep*

[JulyDiaz 2797]

Guys we can totes hit 300 this week if we push through. Lets talk about sex bay bee.

okay, but nothing too gross. lets keep it nice and PG like that awesome fan fic y'all

[robinsbruce 4985]

Nothing butt the most literary of finger blasting for you July.

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

Hey guys I called my mom today and she was at a graduation party for a family friend and said she'd call me back and never did. How do I cope with my crippling rejection???

 

BTW we talk like 4 times a week and it's probably been AT LEAST two days since we last talked??? Does she hate me now???

[greggy 15909]

tim, your overreacting, she probably doesnt hate u, maybe she just decided she loved her friend more than you but you still come in right under them

[chanson 9697]

tim, your overreacting, she probably doesnt hate u, maybe she just decided she loved her friend more than you but you still come in right under them

 

...unless you aren't. Then you're fucked.

[kobthatreal 5896]

Tim wakes up groggy and with a sore back. "Slept on the earwolf table again? dang, lifes g-double-o-d gooooood." He kisses Shelby Fero's signature, "I really hope this is Shelby's signature and not the horse car girl, Carol? I don't know." After Tim realizes he's talking to himself he then also realizes that some one is listening. It's his cat. He named his cat "kitty" after Kitty Pryde, not the x-mon, the rap girl? Tim's got a thing for young red heads. "Hey Tim, want to fuck?" The cat puts it's butthole in Tim's face and practically begs for it--with it's face down, ass up, "That's the way I like to fuck!" raps Tim. "LUDA!" screams Ludacris as he jumps in through the window. He's covered in broken glass and his arms are broken. Tim is pissed. "WHAT THE FUCK LUDA!?" Luda scampers out the front door. "essgessgessgesgsssgess ssssTim iiii am a sssssnnaaake and I ssssWill ssssbe sssbbaaacck."

 

Tim shrugs and puts warm butter on his finger, "You ready or what Kitty?" Kitty looks disturbed. Kitty used to fuck Luda and loves snake dick, and she knows Tim's fingers aren't long enough. Kitty pulls down his fur to reveal a 8 inch dong thick as a bottle of tennis balls. "I think you're the one who's gonna be buttered up today." Tim pulls at the collar of his turtle neck and gulps.. some cat sperm down. "Not as nice as I remembered, but I'm glad you came."

 

"Oh, meow, lets make you come now." The cat lifts up its skirt and does a pole dance on Tim's new paper towel holder. "I hope you wiped it down because you're not the first to get loose on that!" Tim laughs and puts his hands back in his pockets and continues to jerk off through his Jeans. "It's... it's... its.. gonna.. bloooooow." Tim unbuttons his pants as fast as possible, "ahh! why'd I choose button fly! I don't think im gonna maaaaake itttttt----."

 

Tim looks down at his ankles, "SSSsssSSSsss I sssTold u i'd be sssssback." Ludacris had sunken his teeth deep into Tims left leg. "ssssssLUDA!" hisses Luda as he scampers back out the door.

 

"Yes Tim, it was our plan all along," says Kitty as he/she laughs maniacally, "I've grown quite tired meow of you fingerpoppin my asterisk asshole. I'm goin to be with Luda..." Kitty walks out the door and slams the door behind her. Tim, devastated, crawls back onto the earwolf table. Luda and Kitty watch him from the recently broken window, "Sssssame time tomorrow Tim?" asks Luda.

 

A mash-up of David Bowie and Tupacs "Changes" fades in the background.

 

"Same time, Luda. Same time everyday. Nothing ever changes...."

[greggy 15909]

ok now i will be a joke police officer, last time i let you off with a warning but i think that just emboldened u

you get a ticket for reckless endangerment of a fictional cat and defamation of character of ludacris and probably tim smokin trees

[kobthatreal 5896]

oh come on!!! whats the damage? 2 weeks in the hole?

[greggy 15909]

thats what she said

lol haha lateskis brb gotta go hang myself

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

Mikey Pigsso, Things you got right:

 

1) I do sleep on the table. I do have a thing for Shelby Fero (well, the kind of thing you have for someone you've never met). If I had a lot more confidence than I do and if I ended up meeting her, I might try to ask her to hang out (but I'm pretty awks in person, so it'd probably not be clear to her whether I was asking her on a date or just to hang out as bros. She seems like she can bro-hang with the best of them, though, so I can't go wrong either way! Unless she said "no", which she probs would).

2) I like cats

3) I live alone, so such blatant activities are possible

 

Things you got wrong:

 

1) I don't wear jeans. I used to own one pair, because I went on this thing in high school and they made us wear jeans, but I gave them to my dad afterwards. I never wear jeans.

2) I don't really curse/swear. It's just something I never picked up. Don't believe me? Go look back on all my posts. You won't see anything.

3) I don't wear turtlenecks. Don't believe me? Ask my mom (watch out though she's in the habit of not returning my calls). Even from a young age I used to hate them and say that I felt like I was choking.

4) While I love cats, I don't currently own one. I live alone, work long hours, and go on reasonably long business trips frequently enough that I don't feel like I can responsibly own a pet at this point

5) The story doesn't really make sense. Is Ludacris a rapper or a snake? Or is he a snake the same way DMX is a dog??? Please expand upon this in the sequel. I actually debated whether to put this in the "wrong" section as it is now, or have a third section about open questions, but I got lazy and didn't want to make a third section.

 

So unfortunately the "wrong"s do outweight the "right"s here, I'm afraid. I'm going to have to give you an "EEHHH! Wrong". But please do try again.

[showshowbro 1177]

'lunk' is such a derogatory term and it SICKENS me that people call me that behind my back.

 

 

ps. i hooked up with a black girl last night and i'm considering never going back.

 

pps. that's a 2 pound weight and it was very embarrassing taking that pic but i did it 4 U GUYS!!!

 

edit: (and 3 girls)