Aloha

[ssrobison 0]

Let me just say that Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies. I knew Aloha got some of the worst reviews of the year, but I had to know why. There was a lot of talk about how it portrayed Hawaii and the culture, but I didn’t see any of that as the real problem with the movie. There was a reverence for the Hawaiian culture and their myths and having Emma Stone as a quarter Hawaiian was fine, if mildly irritating. The terrible movie is everything else that no one mentioned.

 

 

There isn’t one character that is developed, and Bradley Cooper’s character is just supposed to be ultra-brilliant---but we never really see why. One of the plots involves Rachel McAdams (the ex-girlfriend) as having Cooper’s child and never telling him until now. Both of her kids love Cooper instantly for no reason. The son isn’t Cooper’s son, but he clearly wishes he were. One of my favorite parts is that climatic scene between Bradley Cooper and John Krasinki that is completely telepathic and written in subtitles. I’m not joking, that is in the movie! Cooper tells Krasinki that he didn’t sleep with his wife and they hug. I’m just scraping the surface here and think HDTGM must do this movie immediately. It’s current, it’s horrible, and needs to be made fun of right now.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

No movie will ever beat "Wolf of Wall Street" when it comes to scenes involving telepathic combat. Not this, not "X-Men". NOTHING.

[Lando 2019]

For a while, they were advertising this heavily on the Fios on demand menu. I kept having to hear Bradley Cooper aggressively saying "You can't pick my brains. They're unpickable" and a conversation where Rachel McAdams saying "You're a workaholic who creates work to avoid real work" and Cooper responds with "Yeah well I'm still working on that." I imagine Crowe being pleased with himself for those lines.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

God reading the hacked Sony emails about this movie were fucking mind-blowing.