EPISODE 112 — Agata, Gabe, July, Our Close Employees

[Silvrwoman 4998]

haha you all are cracking me up. i've been sick the past couple of days (like if July's character was real), but the butt and dick jokes have really cheered me up.

 

I don't have a dick joke to contribute, but I have been wanting to discuss the scary part of this week's episode...

 

I don’t remember exactly what Sean said, but it was something like, “I fucking hate doing this podcast!” I’m sure it must feel awful to do something that you don’t like doing, but do you think that Einstein liked physics? I heard dude sucked at math as a kid! Anyway, I think I’ve made my point.

 

Then, to my surprise I think that Hayes said that Sean said something like, “Nobody ever fucking listens to me! I'm like Mr. Bean’s weewee over here!” Now, this makes no sense to me. Not just because the sentence structure and word choice are poor, but also because it would not be true according to the only statistical representation I learned about in elementary school, the STD chart depicting you and your partner’s sexual partners, basically strongly implying not only that I had sex with my 5^th grade boyfriend, but also that he had sex with multiple other people before me, and now all of us kids have gonorrhea. Anyway, if I’ve recommended Hollywood Handbook to everyone I’ve ever met, and then they continue on to recommend Hollywood Handbook to all their sexual partners, chances are there’s gonna be a few “infected” people out there, if you know what I mean.

 

Ok, I'm gonna stop there cause I actually do have a fever and I can't tell if any of this makes sense

[Joe Lerini 7329]

Get well soon, silvrwoman. Hope that gonorrhea clears up.

[robinsbruce 4985]

Does anyone else remember the exact moment in their life when they realized they probably have one of the nice kinds of HPV? Just me? Hmmmmm.

[kobthatreal 5896]

Does anyone else remember the exact moment in their life when they realized they probably have one of the nice kinds of HPV? Just me? Hmmmmm.

Humped a Puppy Virus? Cant say i didnt warn you.

[Blink 1844]

I just remembered my HS graduation speech where I lead with "ome say that we're about to start a great Journey, but I'm more of a Foreigner fan"

 

And I can still feel the pain of the silence that followed

[robinsbruce 4985]

Humped a Puppy Virus? Cant say i didnt warn you.

 

Rose is worth it bro. She's ride or die, to the park for a walk.

[SteveH 11126]

I just remembered my HS graduation speech where I lead with "ome say that we're about to start a great Journey, but I'm more of a Foreigner fan"

 

And I can still feel the pain of the silence that followed

 

Were you the valeDicktorian?

 

 

 

 

 

 

You just got roasted, son.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Bruce, I've also been hanging out with a hottie:

[Blink 1844]

Were you the valeDicktorian?

 

You just got roasted, son.

 

Speaking of dicks, the salutatorian's speech was about all the faculty ones he could fit in there

[robinsbruce 4985]

Bruce, I've also been hanging out with a hottie:

 

Sup?

[Silvrwoman 4998]

 

 

Sup?

Ginnie's already taken! Don't even think about it Bruce. Oh no she's clawing at my phone and drooling...

[Jack Johnson P.I. 3649]

"norm what you actually said made no goddam sense so I'm typing this instead"

 

-me

 

anyone who hasn't watched Nathan for you is stupid and you'd be as dumb as starbugs to not watch his show. Thanks for the laugh norman, you sure crack me up!!

[robinsbruce 4985]

She sounds like a top lass. Tell her I'm v generous wit dem treat biscuits.

[Joe Lerini 7329]

I just remembered my HS graduation speech where I lead with "ome say that we're about to start a great Journey, but I'm more of a Foreigner fan"

 

And I can still feel the pain of the silence that followed

That's okay, Blink. Someday love will find you...

[apocowarg 2696]

I was wondering today whether there was a website that's basically just a photo encyclopedia of the dicks of every animal. Not like porn stuff, but just a helpful resource if you were wondering what a Capybara's dick looked like, for example. It probably does exist, but I'm too afraid to google it. wikidicks?

 

Typical male. I share a lovely picture of a capybara eating corn and you want to see its gross hog. This is why I had to delete my grindr profile.

[thejjar 5031]

 

This is why I had to delete my grindr profile.

 

I have a The Grinder profile to support our intrepid hosts. I choose fred savage as my avatar.

 

 

PS: look guys I made the joke Sean didn't want us to make!

 

[Just Add Pepper 2026]

So I imagine next week's episode of Hollywood Handbook will be the call-in episode they recorded. I was unfortunately busy at the time of recording, so for the benefit of my forum friends, here's a bit of a "what could have been", call it gonzo fan fiction if you will.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

JAP: Hello, am I on?

 

SC: Yeah you're on, no need to say hello, Adele.

 

HD: It's like this guy thinks we haven't heard the Adele song and don't know he's ripping her off.

 

SC: Frankly, I'm tired of men thinking they can just walk all over Adele, and this guy here, I'm sorry what's your name?

 

JAP: Uh, Casey.

 

SC: This guy Casey, he's just one more in a long line of men who think they can steamroll this poor woman.

 

HD: Frankly, I don't know how he sleeps at night.

 

SC: Most likely trundled up in a big pile of money and penthouse magazines ANYWAY what are you calling for Casey?

 

JAP: Hey guys, it's Just Add Pepper from the for-

 

SC: Stop! I didn't ask who you were, I asked why you were calling.

 

HD: Mmmyes, not my tempo, Casey.

 

SC: Yes, definitely not my tempo either.

 

JAP: Sorry.

 

SC: Sounds a tad insincere but ok..I'll take it. Anyway, Just Add Pepper, why are you calling?

 

JAP: Well I was hoping to hear your guys' thoughts on Oscar season, any big movies you've seen and thought, that one's gonna take home the gold?

 

SC: Hm, well, that's a tough question for me personally to answer, since most of the big contenders are movies that I worked on.

 

HD: Me too, I also worked on most of the Oscar movies this year.

 

SC: Yes, like...Oscar Schindler's List II, Schindler's revenge.

 

HD: Oscar the Grouch: The Movie. Very close to my heart.

 

SC: Hmmyes, but aside from that, well I just think that Joy is gonna win it all this year, and you know why? Cause women are STRONG now. You hear that, Just Add Pepper?

 

JAP: Uh, yeah, that one looks really good.

 

HD: And just because women don't make as much money DOESN'T mean they can't invent a broom.

 

SC: Yes, and isn't that empowering? Anything else, Just Add Pepper?

 

JAP: No, that's, uh, that's it...thanks.

 

SC: Hmmkay, well I hope you learned something today.

 

HD: Yes, I hope this will be a real turning point for you.

 

JAP: Yeah, thanks guys.

 

HD: Byyyeeee

 

JAP: (hangs up)

 

SC: Man, what a piece of shit.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

[Game of Scones 5812]

racist

[Joe Lerini 7329]

I was also going to call you a racist.

[SteveH 11126]

Typical male. I share a lovely picture of a capybara eating corn and you want to see its gross hog. This is why I had to delete my grindr profile.

 

I said FOR EXAMPLE. Of course I don't really wanna see a Capybara's dick. That would be crazy. HAHA can you imagine? A guy that just sits there at work, zoning out, and thinking about what different animal dicks must look like? And then that guy seeing a picture of a capybara and being all like "oh man i'm really curious about what that thing's dick looks like. Is it inside? like a cat? If only there was a website..."

 

and then he looks at the clock and it's 5 so he can go home. but then he's still thinking about what a capybara's dick might look like the whole ride home. And then he gets to the daycare to pick up his son and he's like "ok. get it together, Steve bro. You're a father. You can't be thinking about Capybara's dicks all day." And then he just keeps wondering because he doesn't even wanna look it up on his home computer because it's such a weird thing. Is it though? I mean, it's just curiousity. Why do we have to sexualize everything in this culture? It's just a part of the anatomy like anything else. Why can't I be interested in the anatomy of animals?

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Steve I think your intellectual curiosity is wonderful and should be encouraged. I am a man of science myself, and also a former anatomy instructor, so I am happy to help you out. Here's a scientific illustration of a capybara's penis:

 

[Houston 4819]

Steve I think your intellectual curiosity is wonderful and should be encouraged. I am a man of science myself, and also a former anatomy instructor, so I am happy to help you out. Here's a scientific illustration of a capybara's penis:

 

 

Spunky,

 

So the holiday season is coming around and my family are all big IFLScience types so I think they'd really get into dick science art. Do you do commissioned work? PM me.

[Just Add Pepper 2026]

Spunky,

 

So the holiday season is coming around and my family are all big IFLScience types so I think they'd really get into dick science art. Do you do commissioned work? PM me.

 

Check ur inbox

 

NOTE: This is a satire. I think it is DISGUSTING and GROSS when men send unsolicited dick pictures to people on message boards.

 

FOLLOW-UP NOTE: However, I am unflinching in my realistic portrayal of the problem, so...check ur inbox

[Houston 4819]

 

Check ur inbox

 

NOTE: This is a satire. I think it is DISGUSTING and GROSS when men send unsolicited dick pictures to people on message boards.

 

FOLLOW-UP NOTE: However, I am unflinching in my realistic portrayal of the problem, so...check ur inbox

 

When someone says "I was harassed online" and "all men are bastards who just want you to see their dicks" it can ring a bit empty. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't believe them, but it's hard to take on another person's offense when you didn't experience it yourself. That said, seeing Casey's kibbles and bits at 1280x1160 on a retina screen.... that can change a man. I now have an insight into what it might be like to be optically violated online. It's probably not good to spam your dick to virtual strangers. Quantity interactions do not make up for quality ones. Casey, I feel like I learned something about how to engage with others online, thank you! I feel like I am more empathetic to others experiences now. Honestly, I feel a lot of things. So many new stirrings inside me. Casey, check your inbox for a reply.

[rod aug 5637]

Steve I think your intellectual curiosity is wonderful and should be encouraged. I am a man of science myself, and also a former anatomy instructor, so I am happy to help you out. Here's a scientific illustration of a capybara's penis:

 

damn capybaras got big dicks lmao mine is like 1/4 the size of that