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J'toneJJackson

The Villain (1979)

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This 1979 film stars Kirk Douglas and Arnold Schwarzenegger and basically what is a live-action version of Wylie Coyote and the Roadrunner. The movie is directed by Hal Needham, whose claim to fame is being Burt Reynolds Stunt Driver. This movie is completely "bonkers" and will "literally" have you going "bananas"

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this shit is bananas. B - a - n - a - n - a - s

Bonkers, hey totally nuts

Literallyliterallyliterallyliterallyliterally

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That picture alone sells me on this film.

 

Looking for it right now...

 

I love the film's poster art.

 

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it's like smokey and the bandit and The Cannonball Run but minus any of the elements that made it any good.

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Just finished watching this.

 

I don't think I've ever shouted, "OH FUCK YOU, MOVIE!" so much at a flick.

 

The plot is Arnold and Ann Margaret ride a wagon for 2 hours while Kirk Douglas tries to rob them using every single Wiley E. Coyote trick in the book. I mean literally every single one. Every scene has you thinking that they can't possibly get any more Looney Toons, yet every single scene proves you wrong.

 

Here is Kirk in a typical scene.

 

daXVeva.jpg

 

Imagine an entire movie of this, complete with slide whistles, trombones, and BOOOING sound effects.

 

I dare you not to throw something at your TV at the very end.

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Sidenote: can anyone name a funny western comedy, aside from Blazing Saddles or Three Amigos?

 

"Cat Ballou?"

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I forgot 2 important parts:

 

Paul Lynde as an indian chief in what might be the single most offensive portrayal of "white guy as native american" in film history.

 

 

and then the most baffling part: this movie is full of rape jokes!

 

All the parts that aren't loony toones is either Ann Margaret trying to get Arnold to fuck her, or Kirk Douglas remarking how he's going to rape Ann-Margret. Eventually Paul Lynde joins hops on board the "let's rape Ann-Margret" train.

 

The only possibly way they could have passed this horrendously stupid movie off is as a live action Loony Toones for kids, yet they cram it chock full of rape jokes!

 

HOW DID THIS GET MADE?

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Sidenote: can anyone name a funny western comedy, aside from Blazing Saddles or Three Amigos?

 

 

I liked Shanghai Noon too.

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Another factor that needs mentioning, the sheer number of punchlines that fall completely flat. When it isn't Loony Toones or rape jokes, it's entire scenes to set up a verbal joke that falls so flat it becomes this performance art anti-comedy.

 

Example: a 2 minute long scene where the only purpose is for Arnold to start telling Ann about his gun.

 

"This is my custom made six shooter."

"What makes it custom?"

"I had it custom made to hold seven shots."

"A six shooter that holds seven shots?"

"Yes....."

"......."

 

See, because the gun is called a six shooter, but it can shoot seven times. Seven is a different number than six so that is funny.

 

Two full minutes for that "joke". Silent pause at the end like they were expecting to dub in a laugh track later.

 

Every third scene is a mutli-minute setup for a dropped "punchline" like that.

 

I never imagined there would be a flatter wild west comedy than Lightning Jack, but there it is.

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YEESSSSSSS!!!!!!! Who saw Arnold Schwarzenegger and thought "he looks like a cowboy"? I used to watch this movie as a child with my grandma who loved westerns. I loved it because it was essentially a live action roadrunner/Wylie coyote cartoon.

This was my first exposure to Arnold and it is seared into my memory forever. Please do this movie, you won't regret it.

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