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Joe McGurl

Survivor Season 34: MEGATHREAD

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK that was the most insane tribal of all time. Malcolm got boned so hard there man. Wow.


This ended up crazy for points too with Tai finding and correctly playing the idol and where the two tribes that went Tribal both ended up getting more points than the tribe that won Immunity due to 8 point across the board game for Probst saying that "he has never seen anything like that in Survivor" and gains from his patented Probst points man. They're rare but when they come into play...folks, they're a #GAMECHANGER




Week 3 Leaderboard



1) Joe McGurl - 234 points (+1 spot)

2) SaltPeanuts - 231 points (-1 spot)

3) Charlie - 227 points ( - )

4) MarcusIrving - 209 points ( - )

5) Fabio - 192 points (-1 spot)

6) Greggy (+3 spots) & Marshall Mellow (+2 spots) - 189 points

7) FunnyBefore - 186 points ( - )

8) Asteck - 185 points (-3 points)

9) Ronniehog (-3 spots) & JJPI (-2 spots) - 184 points




JT is in trouble now. I'm gonna be so fucked. This season is only 3 episodes and is already amazing. Gottdamn

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my bracket is absolutely busted, and i hate it so much!!!!!! ciera and malcolm you deserved better.

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‣ sorry JT you fucked up buddy

‣ the only bad thing about finding an idol is eating the paper and wrapping its in so no one sees it


‣ uhh jeff uhh michaela broke our ball jeff


‣ michaela murders jt with anti-loser eye lasers


ok i got this because of what a great save it is but also aubrey looks like she dancing

‣ lol michaela is still so pissed about second place. i sincerely love that about her

‣ oh my god is this the thing that sets debbie off??

‣ haha ok yes so this is how debbie turns around her losing the reward for everyone into her being the one who was wronged





‣ ok i give in im a varner fan now after his eyes in reaction to sandra eating the sugar. i wont call you fred flintstone any more

‣ well, this week anyway


‣ debbie is insane

‣ the fact that other people arent automatically winning the challenge proves debbie would have been perfect

‣ lol culpepper is so insanely good at challenges

‣ *sandra picks up some random rusty piece of metal from the set dressing* oh hey we have immunity too look at this pirate bullshit we have

‣ sandra is so goddamn good at survivor. i wonder if anyone will ever realize how dangerous she really is or if its already too late

‣ if michaela goes home this week after malcolm last week i will be so pissed


‣ holy shit. michaela deserves to win survivor for manufacturing this reaction shot alone


‣ wow very twisty season

‣ full PROBST episode. this was start to finish great survivor

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Whoops forgot to post last weeks leaderboard!


Week 4 Leaderboard


SaltPeanuts - 281 points

Joe McGurl - 276 points

Charlie - 273 points

MarcusIrving - 258 points

JJPI - 230 points

Marshall Mellow - 226 points

Greggy/Asteck/Fabio - 225 points

BeforeAfter - 222 points

9) Ronniehog - 220 points

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‣ ty aubry for waking up to sandra, i need you in this for my fantasy team

‣ everybody. drop your buffs. ok now pick them back up again haha classic probst prank


‣ tai is a cutie, even if he does drive ya crazy sometimes

‣ damn zeke getting smart on sandra too, although voting her out is easier said than done


‣ andrea is NOT just another pretty face. she invented a new way to wear your jeans


‣ tfw tai get 2 idols

‣ aww its nice that debbie gets to have a nice time


‣ sorry

‣ oh boy cochran showed up what a surprise

‣ things are about to get romantic ;)

‣ im not going to make a gif of this because it was genuinely very sweet

‣ sandra is a survivor machine

‣ cool puzzle

‣ michaela pulls the sled over the sand through sheer force of will

‣ dang they owned that puzzle

‣ lol tai your a fool dude

‣ oh hey sandra agrees with me


‣ i thought sandra might have possibly pulled it off right to the very end, she is an incredible player and the show will be less good without her.

‣ another PROBST ep i think, its a little bit of a comedown after last week’s record holder but still excellent survivor

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Week 5 Leaderboard


SaltPeanuts - 353 points

Charlie - 349 points

Joe McGurl - 337 points

MarcusIrving - 326 points

JJPI - 298 points

Greggy - 280 points

Asteck - 276 points

Ronniehog - 275 points

Marshall Mellow - 267 points

BeforeAfter - 266 points

Fabio - 264 points





Hali is so cute, I want to hug and kiss her, with permission of course

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‣ this week’s ep has been pretty thoroughly spoiled for me which is very frustrating and makes doing these notes a pain in the ass but whatever thats why they call it game changers baby



hali is becoming one of my favorite reactors



‣ another classic disgusting survivor pizza

‣ lol the soaring music behind jeff talking about this pizza is ridiculous

‣ i think the problem is theyre at these remote islands with people who have never even heard of a pizza and the behind the scenes people on survivor are completely unable to cook so they describe the concept of pizza to islanders and they take what they can get

‣ too bad culpepper cant just throw the balls into the nets

‣ the talk about how hard survivor is was so good. i genuinely loved that

‣ culpepper crying is my new sweetie


‣ haha something about having to cut their shitty pizzas with the machete really tickled me

‣ ooo i think hali’s got it

‣ it was great everybody gave hali credit <3 i like nice things

‣ fuck you fred flintstone

‣ jeff varner fuck you you will never be back on survivor

‣ wow probst taking it to varner good job

‣ the tribe’s reaction is so beautiful to me

‣ wow zeke turning the metamorphosis thing from earlier is so incredible

‣ god damn jeff not even taking it to votes. very powerful episode of survivor

‣ the first ever JEFF PROBST episode

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‣ ok this week im going to passive aggressively call out people who probably arent even reading this for NOT spoiling me on anything so now i think this ep must be boring!


‣ lol too many twists this season, chill out jeff

‣ of course its tai



‣ a feast fit for a king

‣ surprised there wasnt some sort of advantage for the have nots there

‣ wtf debbie just showed ass to tai. then said she was pretending to be drunk

‣ can you get kicked out of survivor for sexual harassment debbie is going for it this ep

‣ i thought zeke would end up telling everybody, probably the best move

‣ i’d be down with 1 woman 1 man immunity, p big field right now

‣ oh well. hope michaela wins i dont want her to go :c

‣ nice job andrea, cool a woman won this one

‣ ugh i dont want hali going either blah

‣ really loved that sideways cirie/michaela convo, michaela is one of the few people in survivor to have one of those and not rush off trying to scramble

‣ this tribal is boring get on with it



‣ RIP hali you were great

‣ its funny she calls herself a goat though

‣ “hmm calling cirie a grandma is too much and she’s going to see this someday, better knock it back to aunt” - aubry

‣ oh word andrea is really in charge?



‣ theyre about to feed you tai, you dont have to eat the soap



‣ no tai wait



‣ just when i was thinking there hadn’t been that much gif material in this ep so far haha

‣ thank you marshall for the great reward, mr marshall the man who did this for us

‣ man the challenges on this ep suck. i know theres just too many people but it makes for a boring ep

‣ jeff this is the time for you to bring up how good tai is with poles

‣ damn good work tai


‣ the lady on the tv is cute folks. had to be said and i think i might be the only one to have noticed this

‣ glad that michaela doesn’t seem to be on the chopping block this time

‣ ahh yes ozzy the classic “i can find food” gambit, this always works

‣ really no idea who is going

‣ damn, debbie really did it

‣ RIP ozzy you were very boring to me and no one cares about fish

‣ PRO ep i was right at the beginning, very boring

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ok after i talked to some people i'll bump it up to a soft PROB because of good character stuff from cirie, michaela, tai, and zeke (although zeke was fucking up)

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I don't wanna brag. but tonight I told someone I was in a survivor fantasy league and they actually seemed interested.



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‣ wtf why would you not pick michaela for a challenge, that is weird to me

‣ you’re right michaela, it doesnt make any damn sense


‣ god help them if i ever meet the editor who BUTCHERED this peek into heaven

‣ whoa what a truly powerful moment, thank you jeff for telling us how historic it was


‣ great observation by sarah: most people dont notice whether a car’s plates are expired, but police, the people whose job it is to charge people for having expired license plates, do

‣ congrats to my husband troyzan, someday i will see that dick i promis you


‣ lol troyzan must be smellin rank out there


‣ haha this is so mean of me to post, sorry michaela youre my favorite so its ok for me to pick on you


‣ “i need aubry to think i’m her best friend and i think its working”

‣ yes aubry make some moves pls

‣ i hope debbies damn face falls off in this vote she is being very annoying

‣ michaela rules



‣ for all my lonelyhearts pals you can let this loop and practice kissing on your screen

‣ FUCK YES rip debbie, this season was much better for having you but it was time to go

‣ this ep is a very soft PRO thanks only to that last minute blindside, what a snooze

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No, YOU have been forgetting to post the points leaderboard for the past 2 episodes!



Week 8 Leaderboard


SaltPeanuts - 557 points

MarcusIrving - 503 points

Charlie - 469 points

Joe & JJPI - 461 points

Asteck - 453 points

Ronniehog - 437 points

Greggy - 396 points

Fabio - 394 points

BeforeAfter - 368 points

MarshallMellow - 453 points

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‣ when debbie is the one calling the shots, your alliance has some problems

‣ oh yeah the crazy window washer bench challenge, this is fun



‣ lol ok editor chill out we get it, there was actually more to it than this but i dont want to make you sit around all day loading gifs

‣ blue is a lot better at the pullers telling where the pieces are

‣ its funny to make a big deal out of the horse race aspect of the beginning of this challenge and then the puzzle takes an hour to complete



‣ this guy’s voice sounds like one of the puppets on mr rogers neighborhood, its crazy

‣ its funny when they get excited about the concept of a lazy susan






‣ what are you doing? you can fly, dummy

‣ really thought this one was michaela’s, good work andrea


‣ this lizard got a LOT of screentime this ep...possibly sleeping with a producer??


‣ one of the biggest mysteries of this episode is what was debbie doing that they had to censor? she’s smiling really big so i dont think she’s mad. did she hold up a picture of the prophet muhammad? did she do the i love you sign at sarah but cbs censors thought it was like a lesbian thing and didnt want the controversy? i hope debbie says after the show is over

‣ rip zeke, you were a great player and truly a game changer

‣ poor michaela is taking it way worse than zeke did

‣ PROB ep, great challenges, big move


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‣ sorry i’m so late getting to this! crazy week :c

‣ do you think they just recorded the clip of the island guy going “oooooooh” one time and toss it in to the music whenever or do they have him on the payroll and he records new ones?

‣ lol tai waving at sarah’s dude

‣ andrea trying real hard to cry but never quite gets there




‣ aww, michaela’s mom is so cute, i love her

‣ wow the culpeppers reunion followed by cirie and her son broke me, teared up

‣ the family challenge is too mean i dont like it



‣ lol cirie’s son ruled, we gotta get him on some season to play

‣ ooo you know what we need? one of those immunity challenges where jeff tempts them with food

‣ rip sierra, i didnt know your name for a long time but then i did but now it doesnt matter

‣ lol sarah pulled such a snake move to get that advantage

‣ sorry there arent that many gifs or jokes, not a lot to this one

‣ PR ep, fairly boring but it was nice seeing tai and michaela taking some inititative

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SaltPeanuts - 639 points

MarcusIrving - 565 points

JJPI - 535 points

Charlie - 512 points

Joe - 510 points

Asteck - 509 points

Davey - 493 points

Fabio - 463 points

Greggy - 438 points

BeforeAfter - 418 points

Marshallmellow - 374 points

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dang SaltPeanuts is whooping us all so badly we should probably just give him the Red Lobster gift card and $20 cash prize right now. Joe if you could take care of that and also thank you for doing these megathreads, this fantasy league makes watching the show so much better

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anything could happen! I heard a rumor someone on this thread has a secret advantage.

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‣ have they always done a ton of these? seems like im noticing them a lot more this season. probably drones making cool helicopter shots much cheaper

‣ hmm immunity in the first challenge? are two people going out tonight?tumblr_inline_oqbc0iI7101t1zpts_500.gif

‣ this really depends on what book you’re getting because if they just have some intern in advertising churn out “grimace’s big day” then who gives a fuck but if this finally gives me the push i needed to get through “gravity’s rainbow” then this is a big dealtumblr_inline_oqbci35tna1t1zpts_500.png

‣ very cute aubry

‣ weird move michaelatumblr_inline_oqbd3uomwm1t1zpts_500.gif

‣ andrea has never been very good at shaking hands

‣ dont feel good about michaela’s chances tonight!

‣ damn cirie got hammered on that one

‣ oh boy here goes sarah

‣ lol you dont get private convos at council dummy thats why you talk this shit over beforehandtumblr_inline_oqbechp7Vo1t1zpts_500.gif

‣ tribal make out party

‣ rip michaela :c i love you on survivor but i dont think you will ever win it

‣ PROB ep, love a good double elimination

‣ oh damn one more ep? i didnt realize we were there already


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Joe if you could take care of that and also thank you for doing these megathreads, this fantasy league makes watching the show so much better








SaltPeanuts - 669 points

MarcusIrving - 609 points

JJPI - 553 points

Joe - 537 points

Charlie - 534 points

Davey - 533 points

Asteck - 531 points

Fabio - 478 points

Greggy - 451 points

BeforeAfter - 447 points

Marshallmellow - 391 points

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1) SaltPeanuts - 723 points

2) MarcusIrving - 653 points

3) JJPI - 624 points

4) RonnieHog - 593 points

5) Charlie - 580 points

6) Joe - 568 points

7) Asteck - 542 points

8) Fabio - 516 points

9) BeforeAfter - 495 points

10) Greggy - 476 points

11) Marshallmellow - 397 points


After finishing last season in second to last place, congratulations to our own very own Gamechanger, SaltPeanuts for winning this season's Survivor Fantasy League!! Saltpeanuts took full control of the leaderboard in Week 4 and never relented, steamrolling the way to victory!



Thanks to everyone who participated this season! This season was sometimes not super interesting to watch but doing the fantasy league really makes it much more exciting so I'm happy to do it and glad people keep taking part! I'll see you all in September for Survivor: Healers vs Heroes vs Hustlers. The worst fucking name ever.





Mildly interesting fantasy stats:


No one had picked Sarah to win but, Funny Before & After Name, was the only person to have her in the final 3


Culpepper was only picked by Fabio and myself to reach the final 3.


Troyzan, like in real life, was not picked by anybody to reach the finals.


Hali and Aubry were the most picked to appear in the finals appearing on 4 teams apiece.


Michaela was the most drafted Survivor appearing on 10 out of 11 teams.


Sierra Dawn Thomas was the least drafted Survivor, only being picked by Asteck.

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1) SaltPeanuts - 723 points

2) MarcusIrving - 653 points

3) JJPI - 624 points

4) RonnieHog - 593 points

5) Charlie - 580 points

6) Joe - 568 points

7) Asteck - 542 points

8) Fabio - 516 points

9) BeforeAfter - 495 points

10) Greggy - 476 points

11) Marshallmellow - 397 points




Wow .... that did not work out well for me at all.

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