Episode 157 - Surf Ninjas: LIVE!

[FisterRoboto 7499]

"Hey dudes, isn't school the worst? Sure hard being a teen!"

 

I wonder if he's a big fan of MUSIC BAND

 

 

 

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

 

If it makes you feel any better, in the comics Lady Deathstrike (and friends!) end up literally crucifying Wolvie and leaving him in the Australian desert for days/weeks/who knows. Jubilee actually then makes her debut and nurses him back aaaand that's about when I stopped reading X-Men because I was 14 and started buying weed.

I was not at all sad when my girl X-23 killed her. But it did not make sense in the movie.

 

 

ETA: Goddamnit, Fister! Stop gif-ing faster than I can!

[Cameron H. 23786]

Here was a moment that had me scratching my head...

 

On Patu San, Uncle Eyepatch tells Johnny that he's gained his respect and has earned the right to wear the sacred headband of his office--a symbol of his right to rule. Of course, immediately after, as he does almost every time the camera cuts to him, Iggy starts to grouse about he should get one because he's actually "the real king." Uncle Eyepatch starts to get irritated about this until Johnny tells him to go ahead and just "give him one." ...Which he does! He just reaches into his messenger bag and pulls out another one of these "one of a kind" headbands and hands it on over to him! Exactly how many of these "special" headbands does he have anyway? If nothing else, it certainly cheapens the moment when Johnny receives his to know that Uncle Eyepatch is just lugging a sackful of these things around with him wherever he goes.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Here was a moment that had me scratching my head...

 

On Patu San, Uncle Eyepatch tells Johnny that he's gained his respect and has earned the right to wear the sacred headband of his office--a symbol of his right to rule. Of course, immediately after, as he does almost every time the camera cuts to him, Iggy starts to grouse about he should get one because he's actually "the real king." Uncle Eyepatch starts to get really irritated about this until Johnny just tells him to go ahead and just "give him one." ...Which he does! He just reaches into his messenger bag and pulls out another one of these "one of a kind" headbands and hands it on over to him! Exactly how many of these "special" headbands does he have anyway? If nothing else, it certainly cheapens the moment when Johnny receives his to know that Uncle Eyepatch is just lugging a sackful of these things around with him wherever he goes.

I thought it was a headband for Patusan warriors and both he and Adam got one because they had proven themselves as warriors EVEN THOUGH IGGY WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DID A FUCKING THING in the previous scene.

 

And speaking of the previous scene (when Iggy is throwing dynamite), the explosion from the dynamite is WELL in front of the vehicles. Then it cuts back to the surf dildos and then back to the trucks. The giant truck comes through and runs over a battered door from the wreckage of the two jeeps that weren't even at the blast.

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

What if all the HDTGM fictional vaguely Asian nations are really one nation? Like THE PHANTOM used to protect Bengala, but he didn't have a son so Raul Julia was able to take over and call it Shadaloo. Then JCVD showed up an liberated the place, but installed some kind of puppet dictator who was Johnny and Adam's dad. Except Leslie Nielsen wanted to bring things back to the Shadaloo days, which is why he has to have weird outfits.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

 

 

I was not at all sad when my girl X-23 killed her. But it did not make sense in the movie.

 

 

ETA: Goddamnit, Fister! Stop gif-ing faster than I can!

IT'S JUST "REPEAT WHAT FISTER SAYS" DAY IN HERE TODAY, ISN'T IT?

[Cameron H. 23786]

I thought it was a headband for Patusan warriors and both he and Adam got one because they had proven themselves as warriors EVEN THOUGH IGGY WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DID A FUCKING THING in the previous scene.

 

 

Oh, the things I do for you. I went back and rewatched the scene. As he receives it, the movie cuts to Kelly Hu and she says, "The headband of the Patu Sani Warrior Prince..." So, you're wrong. I expect your apology to be suitable contrite.

[Cameron H. 23786]

WHAT IS THIS? "REPEAT WHAT FISTER SAYS" DAY?

[FisterRoboto 7499]

 

Oh, the things I do for you. I went back and rewatched the scene. As he receives it, the movie cuts to Kelly Hu and she says, "The headband of the Patu Sani Warrior Prince..." So, you're wrong. I expect your apology to be suitable contrite.

You son of a bitch, you're going to make me rewatch this scene.

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

You son of a bitch, you're going to make me rewatch this scene.

 

Or you could just trust me...

 

ETA: I will say, Iggy doesn't actually say anything. He just coughs suggestively.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Or you could just trust me...

Nope.

 

Here's what I was looking for:

 

In the scene where they are about to surf over to the other island, EVERYONE is wearing one of these headbands. Even Tone fuckin' Loc gets one. And so does Kelly Hu!

 

They just give these things out like candy.

[Cameron H. 23786]

They just give these things out like candy.

 

That's what I'm saying!

 

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

 

 

and body parts is on netflix uk/ireland and chopping mall is on youtube .. yeah!!!!

 

tip: probably watch chopping mall soon in case it gets taken down

Edited March 4, 2017 by Dan Engler
Removed link to streaming movie

[Cakebug Tranch 6873]

So I guess we just resign ourselves to the fact that the bulk of all future shows will be live?

[NathanGordon 1096]

YES!

 

CHOPPING MALL IS THE SHIT!

 

What if all the HDTGM fictional vaguely Asian nations are really one nation? Like THE PHANTOM used to protect Bengala, but he didn't have a son so Raul Julia was able to take over and call it Shadaloo. Then JCVD showed up an liberated the place, but installed some kind of puppet dictator who was Johnny and Adam's dad. Except Leslie Nielsen wanted to bring things back to the Shadaloo days, which is why he has to have weird outfits.

Don't forget "Parmestan", from Gymkata!

[FisterRoboto 7499]

So I guess we just resign ourselves to the fact that the bulk of all future shows will be live?

It's been that way for a while, and I imagine it's probably going to stay that way. I miss them just being a few friends hanging out in a room and shitting on a movie.

 

(I'm also kind of disappointed with these two picks, both of which look boring AF. I hope the Austin picks are much, much better than this)

[Cakebug Tranch 6873]

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

So I guess we just resign ourselves to the fact that the bulk of all future shows will be live?

i think you can see the logic ... the live shows get a months worth of HDTGM sorted in one night .. paul, june and jason are getting more and more tv/movie projects ... the family is getting bigger which means busy.... plus they started on stages making people laugh so its probably nice to get an opportunity to do that together whenever they can ... i really like the live shows so all's cool with me

[Cameron H. 23786]

i think you can see the logic ... the live shows get a months worth of HDTGM sorted in one night .. paul, june and jason are getting more and more tv/movie projects ... the family is getting bigger which means busy.... plus they started on stages making people laugh so its probably nice to get an opportunity to do that together whenever they can ... i really like the live shows so all's cool with me

 

Agreed. I'm good either way. They both have their pros and cons. Live or in studio, I still get to come here and goof around with you dorks so it's all good to me.

 

 

 

[FisterRoboto 7499]

i think you can see the logic ... the live shows get a months worth of HDTGM sorted in one night .. paul, june and jason are getting more and more tv/movie projects ... the family is getting bigger which means busy.... plus they started on stages making people laugh so its probably nice to get an opportunity to do that together whenever they can ... i really like the live shows so all's cool with me

It'd be nice to get a mix, though, so that people that prefer the live ones are happy and the ones that prefer studio eps are happy.

 

 

I still get to come here and goof around with you dorks so it's all good to me.

 

 

 

 

 

[joel_rosenbaum 1269]

Ugh! Guys! This was seriously a tough one to get through. There's just so much about this movie that I just don't get. I mean, let's just start with Eyepatch's flashback. When relaying the history of their island to the

, he tells them that there has been peace on the island for "4,000 years." I mean, wow. That sounds really great. But then, when he goes into the specifics, he says that Johnny is destined to assume the inherited position of "Warrior King." Correct me if I'm wrong, but does a nation that has known nothing but peace for four millennia really need a warrior for a king?

I was going to make the same point. But related to this, how do they even know that the kings are warriors in the first place?

 

I also wondered why they placed Patusan off the coast of Vietnam, when they were doing location filming in Thailand? Couldn't they just put the island off the coast of Thailand? That would make even more sense given the scene where they show the chedi (Thai version of a buddhist stupa) in the background.

[Cakebug Tranch 6873]

 

Agreed. I'm good either way. They both have their pros and cons. Live or in studio, I still get to come here and goof around with you dorks so it's all good to me.

 

 

[taylor anne photo 11311]

 

 

 

 

 

[ChunkStyle 1160]

Leslie Nielsen's costume had a microphone (and I assume corresponding earpiece) built into the half-mask. Looking at those screenshots from the Surf Ninjas game it looks like the costume designers were matching the character design from the game. That is all fine. Except for the fact that the second longest running gag in the movie was Leslie Nielsen and the cordless phone. If he needs to phone to give the "kill them all" orders all day what is he using his built in hardware for?

 

This is what happens with too many cooks. You've got Sega executives who will fire any director who tries to remove the microphone from their character (rightly so). You've got a director who will walk off set if you try to make him drop his phone gags (rightly so). You end up with a villain with vestigial costume appendages that leaves the audience with a shattered willing suspension of disbelief.

[Cameron H. 23786]

Midway through the movie, Loc and Baby Bro get captured by the bad guys and are being cargo'd away with a number of other Patu Sanian prisoners. Things are looking pretty bleak for our heroes. Then, suddenly, against all odds, Johnny drops in from the truck's roof and handily dispatches the guard! He then relieves the guard of his keys and hands them to one of the other prisoners who immediately begins freeing everyone else. Ebullient with bloodlust, Johnny takes just a moment to catch his breath and trade a couple of witty bon mots with his little bro when they are rudely interrupted by old sourpuss Tone-Loc who holds up his shackles and gripes, "Hey, Mr. Hero, now that you're here, how the heck are you gonna get us up out of here?" Gee, Detective, I don't know. Maybe with the keys you literally just saw me remove from this guy's belt not three feet in front of you...I know this movie sucks, but shit, it's for kids--surely you can keep up.

 

And, for the record, he ends up using his sword to cut the chains--which is not only terrible for the blade, but seems like an extremely dangerous and unnecessary risk to take when standing in the back of a moving truck.