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DaltonMaltz

Episode 215 - Kate Berlant and John Early, Our Close Friends

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'Yeah so I was having my own 'Search Party'. Bit of a disaster cos only Altavista and Lycos showed up!!'

 

First Draft potential joke for open mic night at Frankie Fun's Chuckle Bungalow (East}.

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Cover: Warren Zevon's 'Lawyers, Guns and Money. Original: 'Bathing In Ketchup (My Life, My Choice)' (Just squelching sounds really, but squelching with SUBSTANCE baby.

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my cover AND original song is a reimagining of Ween - Don't Laugh (I Love You) except it's pro laughing and it appends "(And I'm In Love With You)". that's a joke from the podcast shirt

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I hope Hayes knows that his humble pronunciation of the word "often" didn't go by unappreciated. Since hearing about Will Smith calling out all those phoney prudes over it, I've been rolling my eyes and doing like a sarcastic bow to anyone who forces a T sound into that word. Usually saying "Ooooh, 'off ten' I'm sooo impressed." Then as I raise back up from the bow I usually shake my head and say under my breath "unbelievable".

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Listen, we have a lot of fun around here, but for just a second let's consider something serious. Do you think they changed Santa's laugh to "ho ho ho" because it would seem somewhat terrible to show him saying "ha ha ha"? It would kind of feel evil villain like, right? "Ha ha ha, just you try to make it on my good list! Mwah ha ha!" I added a "mwah" to back up my claims, but it's hard to argue that "ha" was changed to "ho" for dishonest reasons to begin with so I think all is fair. Now imagine a stranger breaking into your house saying "ha ha ha". It doesn't matter if they're just there to leave presents, it's scary. The results of this study should prove that "ha ha ha" (the normal acceptable way to show jolly laughter) was replaced with "ho ho ho" in order to sell Coca Cola, polar bears, and Home Alone movie franchises. I rest my case.

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but what if santa's laugh were "heh heh heh?" would anyone be able to take him seriously?

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also, i accidentally vacuumed up some legos, but it makes a cool beat when they're whirling around in there so i'm just gonna keep them in there. we'll have to make sure whatever songs we played are to the same bpm as the legos (which will be hard because they aren't exactly on a steady beat but we'll make do).

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I may just be dreaming, but I hope someday we elect a Santa who laughs like Woody Woodpecker. As a matter of fact I just realized that Woody Woodpecker's laugh is probably the only laugh you can replicate on a musical instrument. I'm going to get a finger dipping bowl ready and hit the glass harmonica until I figure it out!

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My cover song is Volare by the Gypsy Kings, itself already a cover, for the obvious reasons, but my original song is a love letter to Carl Tart called "Not Sweet, Not Sour"

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Would anyone here be able to give me a quick bullet-points synopsis of this episode? I haven't had computer access for quite a while and I'm trying to catch up with my "podcasts," but would rather not waste time on meandering, pointless episodes like this one, as they tend to stray from screenplay writing tips, which is my main focus. I love "The Boys," but sometimes their industry jargon can be a little bit too alienating.

 

Thanks guys!

 

- A

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If anyone knows me, they know I'm already halfway into doing this.

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I've been stuck waiting in my car for the past couple of hours. I've been alone with a pizza, which ain't so bad, heheh. Here are my notes from this episode.

 

 

•Hayes drops into dunk tank and it gets hot in the sunlight. He churns the water solid with his struggling. Flies out too fast and lands in cake.

 

•Collecting "The Characters" like pokey mans. They must always really be laughing, but they're serious.

 

•Arlo Guthrie literally murders fascists with broken pieces of guitars.

 

•Let's shoot the film in the candy aisle of a CVS, Dogme 95 style. "Dogma" didn't come out in '95, but Dogstar was a band in '95.

 

•How do Kate and John know how to perform snappy and fast with each other? It's highly coreographed.

 

•Young writers are important because of their Duck Tales and Back to the Future references. Also Mario Kart, what would Yoshi do?

 

•Sean's roll: he's naturally funny occasionally. Hayes' roll: it's just math to him. He went to every Second City school to study. Later traveled around starting new Second City schools.

 

•Prone: you're on the tummy zone.

 

•Supine: soup's on!

 

•Kate is like Sean, naturally funny and untrained because Tisch School for the Arts is a mean school. Hayes' suggests a Second City multi level marketing scheme.

 

•Sean went to Harvard, did mushrooms with Woody Harrelson, and gets everything handed to him now.

 

•Marc Summers is OCD and hosted a sloppy show with a booger nose slide.

 

•Making dancing plans. Kate: "2:30..." Hayes: "Time to go to the dentist." He reads books where he gets snappy answers. They demonstrate. Sean: "Are those your muscles?" Hayes: "uh... No... Uh... They're..." Sean: "like pet turtles or something?" Hayes: "No, somebody's building sand castles on my arm." Kevin ruined it by walking in while Hayes was talking.

 

•Back to dancing, dance party somewhere unexpected like a laundromat or a park or a funeral.

 

•What if Kate dies? What will John tweet?

 

•Sean and Hayes almost killed each other for a while from passing an infection back and forth. If Sean dies Hayes will be a little sad for years, if Hayes dies Sean will be very sad for about 45 minutes and almost even cry.

 

•John fights back tears. Sean and Hayes are excited to get some good emotional reaction. John gets over it, and doesn't cry after all, but he still "made it weird."

 

•What's god? A fuckin' apple or something? What's religion? Hayes: "Yeah, we just go!", but not into the mic as much as Pete.

 

•If Uncle John dies Kate's children will automatically get straight A's in college.

 

•Sean got into Harvard really easy because his dad is a professor in another college in Boston and they'll just let you in for that reason alone.

 

•John was raised religious while also understanding that he is gay. He was aware of his sexuality when he jerked off to gay porn.

 

•Hayes knew he was straight when he was a little horny baby. He was also jerking off to gay porn and thought "I don't know if this is for me."

 

•Kate knew she was half Jewish when she was in Hebrew school and wasn't as into the Torah as everyone else, and also thought "what about Christmas?"

 

•Sean knew he was straight when he watched the pilot of "Crashing", saw Pete Holmes having straight sex, and thought "I could do that... Wait a minute, if this guy can do it, I could pull this off. I think I got this thing." He says he's getting close to having sex with his wife Steffi.

 

•Some talk about being in post. Kate calls John "Edit Bae" because he loves it so much.

 

•Chef Kevin has just been chilling. He took a couple of pictures, he does it during every show.

 

•Kate has been thinking of having her own podcast, she should hire Kevin as a producer. Maybe some of The Characters can appear on her show.

 

•Lauren's character as Pete's ex-wife on Crashing didn't appear in her episode of The Characters and vice versa. That made Sean pissed!

 

•(at this moment I decided to drive around the block and fill the tank with gas, I did not take notes and drive. From recollection there was a discussion about what is and isn't ok to joke about at a dinner table. Kate can handle anything as long as it's not about her appearance or her family. Hayes suggests they just joke about food. Sean might order a stuffed flounder, and Kate would say "who invited their wife?" or something. Sean has to take it on the chin. Bill Burr can't order a Denver omelette anymore.)

 

•Louie sometimes moves his closer to the opener. Some people don't understand why that's a big deal, but it totally is. Sean has to explain why to people, and that also pisses him off.

 

•Wrapping up, the guests have red carpets to get ready for. They suggest that everyone watch their Gotham Award nominated Vimeo series "555"

 

•Hayes warns that the awards ceremony sounds like the perfect place for the Joker to show up and introduce chaos. Also, suggests that they don't breath in the green gas and even to leave the room because it's often Joker toxin/knock out gas. Or it makes you laugh so hard you don't know where you are and the Joker can change your clothes.

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