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Cameron H.

Episode 237 — Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

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9 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

The bukkake blasters puzzled me as well because I guess the idea was to be non-lethal but in reality they are a far more cruel weapon than a regular gun. Think about it. The only reason Valerian survived was because he had the breather and the spider bot. He saved Laureline because he was fast enough to cut her out. So what about the other people? Do they just slowly suffocate to death in this jizz? A regular space blaster, boom you dead. Bukkake blaster, coat you in jizz (which I can only imagine smells just wrong) and you slowly suffocate to death. That's just cruel. 

That’s the thing though. They discuss this with the one guy who is kind of on their side and they are all shocked that they were just “put to sleep” rather than harmed. This is what gets them thinking that the Mul might not be evil. Again, though, this implies they have no idea what those weapons were in the first place, so there’s no reason Val should have had a specific device designed to circumvent it. 

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I have a big question about the inter-dimension market. So I get that the whole market exists on in another dimension or plane or whatever. In order to see it and interact with it you have to have the googles and gloves and that. Fair enough. This all makes sense. So the market is actually over top this giant stretch of sand that is one big flat plain with a fence and guard towers. I'm with all of this. Not a problem. However, the market also has multiple levels. It's not just a flat surface, it has levels and layers. How does that work? As the customers are perusing the market looking for some knickknacks to take home they are physically walking around in on the flat desert. If they want to go down an alley in the market they just walk down it because there is nothing in their way in the desert. What if they want to go up and down the floors? How does that work? There are no pits or stairs or holes in the desert. Just flat nothingness. Does it turn into a mime act? When Valerian falls through all the floors he only does that because he's on a manhole which takes him into the sewers of the desert planet. In the market world he's crashing through floors. Then he's swinging on ropes and climbing his way out. Yet we see none of this on the desert planet. What's going on? Is he just flying around the desert sewers? Magically the sewer system matches their stairways and elevators. It just makes no sense.

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4 minutes ago, Cameron H. said:

That’s the thing though. They discuss this with the one guy who is kind of on their side and they are all shocked that they were just “put to sleep” rather than harmed. This is what gets them thinking that the Mul might not be evil. Again, though, this implies they have no idea what those weapons were in the first place, so there’s no reason Val should have had a specific device designed to circumvent it. 

Speaking of technology that was invented for a very specific purpose that couldn't have been know, what about John Goodman's gun that splits apart? Perfect if you have two people that are sitting the exact space apart that your gun opens up to. If someone were to move a chair or just lean to the side the whole gun is rendered useless. Also, how often are exactly two people coming in? Does he find it's normally just solo individuals or groups of two? What if three people came in? Does he have a special three way gun? Like you said all the tech in this movie is very specifically designed for these specific purposes that nobody would have seen coming.

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49 minutes ago, Cam Bert said:

Speaking of technology that was invented for a very specific purpose that couldn't have been know, what about John Goodman's gun that splits apart? Perfect if you have two people that are sitting the exact space apart that your gun opens up to. If someone were to move a chair or just lean to the side the whole gun is rendered useless. Also, how often are exactly two people coming in? Does he find it's normally just solo individuals or groups of two? What if three people came in? Does he have a special three way gun? Like you said all the tech in this movie is very specifically designed for these specific purposes that nobody would have seen coming.

For this and the other ideas, it's best if you think about this whole movie as being a story told by an eight year-old. 

"And then Valerian gets these googles that let him see the market. And he has to put his hand in the box so he can move around in it. And his gun is in the box so he can use it in the market, too. After walking around a bit he finds the fat alien trading for the creature who can poop out hundreds of marbles that are actually these energy batteries if he eats just one, and the alien guy uses this gun on the traders and it splits in two so it could blast both of them but Valerian is behind him but invisible because of the box tech thing ...."  

So basically it's a Reverse-Princess-Bride scenario, and what's really missing is cutting to the bedroom where the boy is telling his grandfather what's happening. 

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13 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

Do they just slowly suffocate to death in this jizz? A regular space blaster, boom you dead. Bukkake blaster, coat you in jizz (which I can only imagine smells just wrong) and you slowly suffocate to death

I think there's a line in there that establishes that the people encased in the goo are just knocked out, since they go back and free the rest of them some time later. Valerian's combination-breathing-apparatus-and-minature-spider-robot-deployment-device certainly does suggest that these would otherwise be extremely cruel weapons, rather than a form of non-lethal crowd-control more in keeping with the Müleans' ultra-pacific vibe, but that speaks to the bigger problem Cameron H. is talking about. All of the technology is wonderfully imaginative and specific, but that specificity doesn't actually add up to a coherent idea.

The biggest offender there was Big Market, which the gang alluded to. Everything being a hidden dimension is an extremely fun, interesting premise, and it's enhanced by the hand-held portal device — until all the rules immediately go out the window in terms of who can see and interact with what.

There were a couple of instances where those wacky set-ups did pay off to me. The ridiculous and more-than-a-little-racist? big-butt-alien fashion-show being revealed to be an elaborate serving dish for Laureline's brains, complete with human-head-sized skull cracker was great.

But the best was John-Goodman-the-Hutt's double-barrel pistol that is articulated so it can simultaneously point at two people who are sitting very close together.  EDIT: I see Cam Bert is way ahead of me on this one.

 

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I was confused by this whole movie description, and to be clear I never saw it. I just remember seeing the trailer and thinking, "I bet this cost a ton of money." and they will never get it back. All I know is this. I want and need more Jessica St. Clair in my life. 

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On 4/14/2020 at 4:47 PM, Autumn H. said:

I just remember seeing the trailer and thinking, "I bet this cost a ton of money." and they will never get it back.

To be fair, that's what anyone would think watching a Luc Besson trailer these days.

HI EVERYBODY. Sorry I haven't been here much lately. We made the super smart decision in late Feb. to move to a new bigger apartment for April, but as the pandemic came on I found myself having to do that move pretty much all on my own. It went OK, all things considered, and we are happy and safe in the new place, but man I was tired for a bit there.

I'm at the point of unpacking now where I'm just consolidating random boxes of hurriedly packed junk and I thought you all might enjoy this thing that I totally forgot I had. For not only did I see Valerian in theatre, I saw it with a free pass given me by my local comic shop, Strange Adventures, and at the screening we were given these little USB promotional fans, which when activated give you a little laser show:

So, yeah. That's where I am at these days. I hope you are all well too.

Speaking of comic shops, if I may, you may not be aware how Quite Fucked that industry is right now, even more than usual, especially in the US and Canada due to the fact that for some while now there has essentially been one distributor of comics to comic shops, and they have shut down until further notice. Fortunately many shops are getting creative, even without new stock they are selling a lot of books and toys and games and whatnot through the mail or with curbside pickup or whatever is safe. So, I encourage you to support your local comic shop if you can.

I actually might try to put together a benefit for my local shop that would be of particular interest to HDTGM fans. I will make some inquiries and if it seems like it would work, I'll post a new topic about it.

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