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Cam Bert

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Cam Bert last won the day on October 15

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About Cam Bert

  • Rank
    Foreign Correspondent
  • Birthday 04/09/1983

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    Osaka, Japan
  • Favorite Earwolf Podcast
    Movies

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  1. Cam Bert

    Episode 224.5 - Minisode 224.5

    I loved playing Clue/Cluedo as a kid growing up even if I don't think I was playing it properly. I remember when Reverend Green went to being just Mr. Green. In my head canon he became jaded with the church and left the ministry. On the subject of cologne and perfumes, I remember getting some cologne at a young age and being told that we taste we our noses as well as our tongues. So there are foods you don't like to eat so that stands to reason there are smells people don't like to smell. Just because something matches your likes and tastes doesn't mean it matches everybody's so try not to force your tastes on those around you. As a result I don't wear any cologne now and when it comes to shampoos, body washes, soaps, and deodorants I always go for the non-scented option if possible.
  2. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    I know this is kinda repeating something I said earlier but I do think the "we're not slaves" line from Stella Star is one of the funniest lines in the movie. Yes, Stella, you kinda are. See you committed multiple crimes and were found guilty by a court of Krangs. As a result you were sentenced to life in a hard labour penal colony. This is the good news bad news situation. Assuming Space prison has similar laws to the United States, once you are a prisoner you are now a ward of the state. This means they can not work you to death. They have to provide food and care for you. If the radiation does burn your skin off like you complain about they have to treat that. Unfortunately they are allowed to subject you to penal labour which as a form of unfree labour does make it "slave labour." You have the right to complain and register complaints but that doesn't mean they have to listen you. However this is your punishment for committing crimes and breaking the law and as a result they are allowed to force you to work for 12 hours. However, if Space law is more like say North Korean law then you probably aren't afforded those rights and as a prisoner in a penal labour camp. In that case, yes you are a slave and they can do what they like with you. I'm sorry if you thought "hard" labour meant just a little light lifting.
  3. Finally! All my useless snooker knowledge has a use!
  4. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    The space master of the house?
  5. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    Then look down and call me space Javert!
  6. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    I don't feel bad at all for those people and you know why? They were not innocent. She's working at a penal labour camp which means presumably all the other people their working were other criminals as well. Least we forget at the start of the movie Stella is a straight up criminal running away from the space police. That couple she talks to looks nice but who is to say they didn't space murder their children? I mean I doubt space is beyond white collar prisons so if they had done something as harmless as space embezzling they wouldn't be doing hard labour. To be sentenced to work like a slave I image your crime would have to be as big as evading arrest and smuggling and robbery like Stella. So while those prisoner's died in her escape and the death of any alien or human life is sad, these people's backstory is unknown and maybe they shouldn't have been saved.
  7. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    Now this movie doesn't broach this issue like Star Wars does, but we are in a Galaxy with multiple languages. What if "Elle" has a serial number but it is written in an alien alphabet and number system. When Chief Thor acquirers him, he sees the serial number but can't read it. However, if the lighting is right and you are squinting at the right angle it looks like "Elle". So he just calls him "Elle."
  8. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    Also, FYI Jason the movie you were thinking and/or hoping Starcrash would be actually does exist! I present to you... Flesh Gordon! (Don't worry I used the SFW version) Yep, it's a X rated softcore porno from the mid 70s that tries to pass itself off as a parody of Flash Gordon. Hunky football star Flesh is enlisted by Professor Flexi Jerkoff to ride aboard his penis shaped rocket to go stop the evil Emperor Wang the Perverted who is control of the powerful sex ray. When hit by the sex ray you... well, have sex with anyone around you. Somehow he's going to use this to take over the galaxy. It climaxes in Flesh fighting a giant stop motion monster voiced by real life giant stop motion monster Craig T Nelson! I love the The Incredibles but read about this guy's politics... The movie is exactly what you think it is. Outdated and offensive puns and gags peppered over horrible action scenes of barely clothed people and sex scenes. Sounds bad right? Well, it is but it is not nearly as bad as it's sequel which came out 15 years later... Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders! (Trailer too NSFW for here but feel free to go to Youtube if you're curious and hate yourself)
  9. Cam Bert

    Episode 224: Starcrash: LIVE!

    With my apologies to the Tank Top Balcony Bros, while you have a very valid theory about Guardians of the Galaxy and Starcrash I think it goes a bit deeper than that in fact it goes the other way around. I mean the one character's name is Thor. If that is not a nod to their Marvel comics inspiration I don't know what is. However, something struck me as I was rewatching this movie. A lot of the characters in the movie look awfully similar to other things that I know. Now, we covered Zardoz and the obvious Star Wars rips, but there was something very comic booky about it all to me. Then the spirit of Stan Lee came down and smacked me in the head because it became crystal clear. This movie is the Kree/Skrull war people!! Don't believe me let's looks at some side by sides I quickly dashed together in paint (nothing but the finest for you folks). First the Krang Judge head is clearly just the leader of the Kree the Supreme Intelligence Next, our pal Thor was a bad guy, then a good guy, then a bad guy. Very shifty like a Skrull! Then Akton, the hero of the show. Well he kinda looks like the Kree hero himself Captain Marvel Though if you ask me he looks more like Adam Warlock with the hair and colour pattern but that doesn't fit in as well with everything. And the evil Count is either Black Tom Cassidy or Count Neferia. Neither again fit in with the whole cosmic theme but there is probably some Eternal or Inhuman or somebody I'm forgetting about. Which I guess makes Elle a Celestial. You figure it out people.
  10. As established Rockula is perfect. What would they have to talk about?
  11. Cam Bert

    EPISODE #223 - Disclosure (1994)

    I worry about the work ethic of somebody who is the head of a department that also just shows up just on time for a major cross department meeting as well. That is some classic tie-less boss behaviour.
  12. Cam Bert

    EPISODE #223 - Disclosure (1994)

    I mean that's probably why they had to tell the kids. Family is sitting around the breakfast table. The little ones are spooning large helpings of cereal in their mouth while Michael Douglas is telling them about the importance of hard work and loyalty. The first time he says the phrase "hard work" the daughter looks up and asks, "Like when your cock is hard?" Panic sets in across the kitchen. "Where did you hear that?" Michael Douglas shouts. "It was in your email. I printed it out. Does it mean hard work?" The can of beans was opened so why not spill it all.
  13. Cam Bert

    EPISODE #223 - Disclosure (1994)

    Thank you explaining it ChunkStyle. However, do presidents have such luxurious offices in each branch? Seems kinda like a waste of space.
  14. Cam Bert

    EPISODE #223 - Disclosure (1994)

    I'm glad Jason brought up the daughter's line about never believing what was said. To me that was the truly the most bonkers thing in the movie because if all this is going on why would you tell your kids and if you do tell them why not sugar coat it a little. They did not. How do we know? The email she sends him at the very end of the movie. The email, which is sent from his own email so I guess his family doesn't have a personal email, reads " Daddy we miss you A Family." Lack of proper punctuation aside does that not seem strange to anyone? Why would your young daughter sign something "A Family" and not "Your Family"? Well she was obviously making reference to the cryptic "A Friend" emails he was receiving. This means at some he told his kids about the emails or he told his wife and she told the kids. Why would you tell them that much information? They are like 5 and 7! They aren't going to understand any of this and yet you tell them about weird cryptic emails and your ex-lovers? What kind of bonkers family is this? Also, why does she miss him? He's been going home every night. Granted he had three late nights that week but I assume he was still having breakfast with them in the morning and taking them to school. They clearly had time to sit down and tell the kids the play by play of the sexual harassment claims. So when exactly was he away enough for his daughter to think, "You know what I miss daddy being around."? Unless of course she means she misses having her cool guy tieless Mikey Dougs daddy around because this week he's been gloomy serious tie wearing Michael Douglas. If that's the case, I guess she's mature enough to handle all the details of the case.
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