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CarolineEAnd

Bad Summer Movies!

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Terminator Salvation

 

Think of all the cool things a new Terminator movie could have been about. The creators did this, and the best thing they could come up with was "A 20th century death row inmate kisses a cancer patient and wakes up as a terminator with a heart."

 

Sooo many terrible wtf script moments, the least of which is robot snakes jumping out of a river to attack a helicopter. You'll be delighted to know that this movie had the same writer as Catwoman!

 

I was so baffled by this movie I wrote a review summing up the whole train wreck:

 

http://www.caltrops....Post&pid=137646

(that forum title is a joke, by the way)

 

 

Feel free to crib any of the points.

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"The Avengers."

 

No, not the superhero movie. The one with Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes.

 

One of the only things I remember about it when my family ordered it on Pay-Per-View was a scene where some of the bad guys meet up in a boardroom, all dressed as teddy bears. What more do you need?

 

Oh, and it was one of the first "big" movies where the studio didn't screen it for critics. Allegedly, they tried to claim that they wanted critics and audiences to "discover" the movie simultaneously. Ha.

 

ETA: And it's streaming on Netflix!

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Super Mario Bros. opened at the end of May 1993 (the same day as Cliffhanger), so that certainly counts as "summer" as far as movie releases go. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if "summer" becomes March before too long....

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Danny Devito plays a detective who happens to be a cartoon cat named Whiskers. Sir Ian McKellan plays Death. This movie has to be done!

 

I registered just to post about Last Action Hero too! SO MUCH THIS! STALLONES HEAD ON THE T2 POSTER!

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Waterworld should go without saying. Can't forget about Speed Racer, Battleship is the worst in recent memory. Then there's always Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and any of the Twilight movies. Green Lantern, Alien 3, Red Sonja, Conan the Barbarian/Destroyer (2011 remake or 1980's original), the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Stealth, Van Helsing, The Tourist, The Happening, Lady in the Water, Ghostbusters 2, Alexander, Jennifer's Body, Sex and the City 2, Pirates 4 on Stranger Tides, The Day After Tomorrow, Anonymous, Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton), Dark Shadows, Piranha 3DD, Miami Vice, Hulk (2003), Robin Hood (2010 Remake), Planet of the Apes (2001 Tim Burton Remake), The Golden Compass, Fantastic Four or Rise of the Silver Surfer, Ocean's Twelve, any of the matrix sequels, Constantine, Sucker Punch, The Hangover Part 2, X3 The Last Stand, Indiana Jones 4. Manos the Hands of Fate.

 

Most highly recommended good/bad movie is the Spirit and X-Men Origins Wolverine if you're looking for comic book material.

 

Comedies should include: Norbit, Who's Your Caddy?, Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, and Daddy Day Camp

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Is it too late for my summerr movie suggestions?

 

Hudson Hawk

 

On paper this must have seemed like a sure thing. Bruce Willis, fresh off of Die Hard, was put back into a Moonlighting type role in a Europe-spanning adventure.

 

What a misfired disaster though. It's almost up there with Love Guru for endless parade of "wacky" moments that make you cringe at the notion that someone thought these were funny.

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Superman Returns... If only because it implies that Superman may have raped Lois Lane and fathered her child without her knowing. But other things to consider the insane genocidal real estate plot by a Kevin Spacey version of Lex Luther. It may also just be the most boring big budget blockbuster super hero movie ever, with Superman going the whole film without throwing a damn punch. A movie so bad it instantly derailed the reboot of the franchise, even with the prerelease hype of Chris Reeve's widow signing off on Brandon Routh as the next face of the franchise.

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How could I have forgotten quite possibly one of the greatest movies that was tailor made for this program?!?!

 

CONGO!!!!!

 

You need to do this movie. The list of everything in this film reads like a "Stefon" sketch: It's got Lava, Lasers, Sign language monkeys, sesame cake, Bruce Campbell, hippos, pygmies.

 

CONGO!!!!!

 

 

Having just discovered this podcast (and having listened to them all within a week), I am very very surprised that they haven't done this film yet. It would be number one on my list.

 

It is truly an insanely good "bad" movie and literally needs to be deconstructed by them.

 

Congo!!!!

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Congo!!!!

 

You know who'd be a great guest if this happens? Bruce Campbell. He admitted that his (very small) role was fun in the off-time, because he got to go on walks around Costa Rica on the studio's dime. Other than that--and this is why I recommend trying to get him for this--he hated doing the role, because they wouldn't let him deviate from the written dialogue. At all. Not even an "um." Apparently, the screenwriter had a clause in his contract that they couldn't change any of his work, so they were being extra-cautious. (On a related note: Why the heck did they get the guy who wrote "Moonstruck" to write a jungle movie?)

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I really wanna see 1999's "The Mummy" talked about. I just rewatched it and holy LORD it's ridiculous! For that matter, a TRILOGY discussion should be had. The second installment (which takes place in 1933) has an AIRSHIP with THRUSTERS! In the Third installment, Jonathan, the recurring comic relief, has his ENTIRE back on fire, and he enunciates quite loudly for Brendan Frasier's character, Rick, to put him out by "spanking his ass." Guys... These MOVIES!

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Please do an episode on 'Event Horizon' (1997)

 

Fantastically awful.

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Exorcist: the Beginning (2004). two different directors. two different cuts of the film. one by Renny Harlen. the other by Paul Scrader both absolutely bonkers

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Raw Deal (1986) Schwarzenegger as a disgraced FBI agent that infiltrates the Mafia while still sounding like the Terminator.

Red Heat (1988) four words: high. speed. bus. chase.

Last Action Hero (1993).... need anymore be said on that one?

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I'm in for Congo as well. I've never forgotten that damn monkey with her talking keyboard apparatus.

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Van Helsing. This awful movie really needs to be taken on (also a good Halloween choice).

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I really wanna see 1999's "The Mummy" talked about. I just rewatched it and holy LORD it's ridiculous! For that matter, a TRILOGY discussion should be had. The second installment (which takes place in 1933) has an AIRSHIP with THRUSTERS! In the Third installment, Jonathan, the recurring comic relief, has his ENTIRE back on fire, and he enunciates quite loudly for Brendan Frasier's character, Rick, to put him out by "spanking his ass." Guys... These MOVIES!

 

I second the hell out of this. honestly, they could spend about two episodes discussing Brendan Fraser's facial expressions alone...every freeze frame of him in the first movie is a hysterical face.

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The Mummy movies are kind of harmless. You could probably do an entire show on Brendan Fraser's career, though.

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