Bad Halloween Movies!

[9tothaNo 0]

I really really think you guys need to do Troll 2, it's like it was made for this podcast. (And halloween is a perfect time to pop on this classic!)

 

A close second would be Halloween 3: Season of the witch.

 

Can't wait to see which one you guys choose.

[DanielNash 11]

The Rage: Carrie 2. It opens with a woman being institutionalized for painting her house red, and the climax involves a football star being harpooned in the junk.

[DanielNash 11]

...also, it co-stars the oldest brother from Home Improvement. If that's not a mark of quality, I don't know what is.

[DanielNash 11]

I'm going to make just one more argument for Carrie 2 (because I rewatched it last night and heard the Batman comments in the Barb Wire podcast today). The sanitarium in the movie is called Arkham, which confirms what I've always suspected: The Dark Knight lives in the Stephen King universe.

[Jay M 9]

Glad to see people still remember Sleepaway Camp... to me it's no contest. Sleepaway Camp has more insanity in its left pinky toe than the entire Halloween franchise has in it's whole frickin' body.

 

But whoever thinks Jeepers Creepers 1 and 2 are not genre masterpieces... I am "literally" baffled.

[DanielSwinney 130]

DEADLY FRIEND

[ShiftyBea 4]

Oh, yeah, Deadly Friend is so bad. It starts of as a boy-meets-girl story then she dies and is brought back as a killer robot. That bit from Mama Fratelli is probably the best bit.

[DanielSwinney 130]

Oh, yeah, Deadly Friend is so bad. It starts of as a boy-meets-girl story then she dies and is brought back as a killer robot. That bit from Mama Fratelli is probably the best bit.

 

I love how the girl's response to her own act of murder is to look at the wacky spazzing corpse like "Jeez, what's with her?"

[Zach Herr 0]

Event Horizon (1997) a movie that tricks you into sci-fi only to deliver disemboweling and Sam Neill without any skin in a ship who's internal set design elements were patterned after sections of the cathedral at Notre' Dame.

[seanmovieman 3]

Vampire's Kiss! Its on netflix instant. Its got crazy Cage thinking he becoming a vampire and yelling the alaphbet at the top of his lungs. Classic

[Zsinjeh 1677]

I realize the Halloween episode is picked and I'm not sure if HDTGM do movies currently in theaters, like Fast Five with Adam Scott. But Jesus Christ, I just saw the horror movie "Smiley". And the only reason I ever stayed in my seat is from the hope that it will one day make it on the podcast.

Dear God, I don't think I've ever seen a movie this bad. It's not even funny in how bad it is, like Birdemic or The Room. It's just...bad. So bad.

 

A quick synopsis: In a modern-take on the Bloody Mary and Sandman game, a killer monster on the internet is unleashed when a person types "I did it for the lulz" three times in a webchat, and the monster Smiley shows up. The twist this time is that Smiley kills the other person on the chat.

The movie features heavy references to Anonymous, 4chan, "trolling" and is directed by a youtube celebrity and several other youtube celebrites star in bit-roles.

 

It turns out that people who make 2 minute youtube vlogs for a living aren't that good at directing a feature length movie, who knew? Now that I think about it, that's pretty much exactly why it's terrible. It goes from dumb horror cliché to dumb horror cliché so rapidly it feels like the movie was just cut together from 5 minute youtube shorts.

There is an actual, no-joke, bathroom mirror scare scene. And like straight out of the Paul F. Tompkins joke there is no reason for it other than the heroine wanting to splash some water on her face.

 

You can catch it on AMC theaters http://www.amctheatr...m/movies/smiley

Fuck this movie.

[Trujillo 31]

The trailer for Smiley: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgFFMmAwYfY

 

See how long you can last before killing yourself or your computer.

 

Maybe if you did this movie you could get Keith David on to explain himself.

[Euneirophrenial 2]

Holy shit. Smiley has my vote after that video. It's like it was made for this show. Wow.

[brettburton 17]

There are some good suggestions here, but seriously,

 

Troll 2

 

How has this not been done yet? It's bonkers. It's practically required that you do it.

 

 

Also:

 

Alone in the Dark - starring Christian Slater and directed by Uwe Boll, haven't seen it, but it looks effing abysmal.

 

Manos the Hands of Fate - Made by a Fertilizer Salesmen who had no formal training or experience in filmmaking.

[Famous Mortimer 5]

I'll throw my vote (although it doesn't count) behind "Jason X". It's brilliant.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

I demand a 2nd worst Halloween movie, just so you can do Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows!

 

It just got added to Netflix Instant so everyone can check it out. It's so amazingly bad you have to watch. One of those plots that's completely incoherant through sheer incompetence, ghosts summoned via computer keyboard commands, teleporting underwear, and just the general awe of how the studio completely missed the point of the original movie.

[Corycrabb007 0]

The Secret Horrors Of Town Calypto Falls. This is such a scary, creepy, frightening book. I read it over the weekend, and was so scared. The story is scary, but the ending just had me in total shock. The ending was a total shocker. This is one of the best horror books written for young adults. I am so glad I gave this book a try over the weekend. Here’s the link where you can get the book. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009UQID5E. Here is a small synopsis of what the book is about. “When Mark and his older sister Hannah move into a new town several years ago, they thought the town was all seemingly normal and ordinary. But as days go by, Mark quickly learns that something very awry and twisted is going on in Bantineau Swamp. Halloween is approaching, and something strange is happening. All the adults of Town Calypto Falls are acting very strange…or disappearing. There are a lot of hidden secrets and mysteries left behind, and amidst all the confusion, Mark and the gang are running out of time. Find out what shocking horrors lay in Bantineau Swamp. One of the most frightening stories shared on Halloween Night. Don’t miss this fearsome mystery/ horror story this Halloween”. The Secret Horrors Of Town Calypto Falls http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009UQID5E

[Johnny Unusual 525]

So what movie do we want to see done this year. We did a slasher last year, so as a change of pace, I'd love Halloween III (which was probably what John Carpenter said).

 

Other good choices would be:

 

House - The Japanese one. It would also be their first foreign language film.

 

Demons - I actually REALLY like this one, but it is ludicrous in the Roadhouse way. There's a scene near the end where the hero gets on a motorcycle, and rides up and down the aisles of the theatre, cutting up demons as heavy metal music plays. It's like the director said "you're welcome 13 year old boys!"

[Joven 373]

Frogs (1972) - Pre-moustache and only grizzled on the inside Sam Elliot stars as Picket Smith, who must help a group of annoying rich people against a horde of killer frogs (except the frogs never kill anyone.)

 

My Bloody Valentine - kinda Frid-eh The 13th (cause its canadian...) they have their "Ned", guy in a mask, etc.

 

After Last Season - ... theres "Troll 2/Birdemic/Room" level bad, and then theres....this....I suppose its supposed to be a horror since theres like a psychic ghost murderer.

[Johnny Unusual 525]

So is the murder a ghost, a psychic ghost or is he someone who murders psychic ghosts, or is he a murderer of ghosts who are psychics?

[Joven 373]

I've seen the movie about 3 or 4 times, and I honestly couldnt tell you.

 

The murderer may be all or nothing, at one point its a ghost, but that turns out to be a side effect of the thought transference micro chip the 2 people are using to tap into one womans psychic vision of another murder which may or may not have actually happened, because that might have "all been a dream" but then again it wasnt because it happens again but not quite the same way and then the murderer is there but he's a real person and the ghost is now a good guy who saves the 2 stupid people. But then again the thought transfer chips may not even be real so they wouldnt have been able to see the first murder, but the first murder actually took place like they showed, unless it didn't even though they said it did, or something... All I can definitively say about this film is that the FBI agent, who shows up twice and does nothing, has parkinson's.

 

Oh, i suppose the other i can definitively say about it, is that its bad. Very very bad, and not in a fun way either. It drags on forever, you can hardly hear/understand most dialog (and theres extended periods of time youre basically watching a screensaver) and the whole thing makes zero sense.

[Johnny Unusual 525]

Awesome!

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Oh, i suppose the other i can definitively say about it, is that its bad. Very very bad, and not in a fun way either. It drags on forever, you can hardly hear/understand most dialog (and theres extended periods of time youre basically watching a screensaver) and the whole thing makes zero sense.

Yeah, it's super duper crazy bad. Like, junior high kids with a video camera level bad. It's impossible to describe how terrible it is; it is easily a contender for worst movie of all time. I know that's a big label to throw around, but you really need to see it to understand.

 

Some internet dude named Spoony (I think maybe he's from Something Awful, I dunno) did a good/funny commentary track that makes the movie bearable. Otherwise it's just a slog and then some.

[jarrycanada 2483]

 

You forgot to mention the best part (and by "best" I mean "most depressing"): The director is a convicted kiddie pornographer and a registered sex offender!

 

I would recommend, Jeepers Creepers 2 as it's got Ray Wise in it.

 

but personally I recommend Nightbreed,

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MntiEGXQFk

[VinsanityV22 500]

Killer Clowns from Outer Space. Saw Poltergeist recently because SOMEONE made me recall the creepy clown doll in that film (thanks a lot, Sklarbros County discussion about the Northampton Clown). Clowns are scary monsters, but not in nearly enough movies. This one is also dumb, cheap and probably bad. Should be fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcFP8HDFPGQ

Google also tells me that there's a sequel - The Return of the Killer Klowns from Outer Space... in 3D. I'm sure it's even worse

 

BattleDogs. I just figured I'd hop on over to the Asylum's website and see what Horror "Mockbusters" their geniuses have whipped up. I mean, after Transmorphers, Atlantic Rim, Age of Hobbits and Sharknado, I'm sure they were going to have some doozies. This is apparently a combination of District 9 and Underworld, in that they decide to quarantine New York City because Werewolves. I'm sure with their massive budgets and talent pools, the Quarantining of New York - our most populated city - will totally look authentic.

 

Child's Play 3, Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky - they all suck. We, as a society, know this. Chucky's only good when he's scary. But he's a goofy puppet comedian in these films and it's the stuff of nightmares... or, rather, nightmarishly horrible films. This is a very "HDTGM" movie, in that it's seriously baffling that someone thought it wise to flip a horror franchise into a dumb comedy starring those stiff, clunky puppets/dwarves in suits - truly, one of the most baffling decisions Hollywood has ever made.

 

Btw, JarryCanada, Nightbreed looks amazing. Looks like a horror riff on Big Trouble in Little China to me, or something