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Felraven

The Last Stand (2013)

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The Last Stand starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville, Forest Whitaker, and an indestructible Corvette ZR1. This movie is AMAZINGly terrible.

 

I don't want to spoil all fun but my favorite part of the movie is the deputy played by Jaimie Alexander who throws down her radio every time she uses it.

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The Last Stand starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville, Forest Whitaker, and an indestructible Corvette ZR1. This movie is AMAZINGly terrible.

 

I don't want to spoil all fun but my favorite part of the movie is the deputy played by Jaimie Alexander who throws down her radio every time she uses it.

That just reminded me of something I like to do when watching movies, particularly action flicks, and that's trying to figure out which people playing cops, soldiers, etc. have never handled any of that equipment before in their lives, whether it's radios, weapons, vehicles, etc. I've seen SWAT teams in Asylum films that look like 8-year-olds playing war in the backyard.

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I was pleased to hear Paul suggest this movie because I watched it over the weekend. I think it would work well. I kept trying to figure out which previous Schwarzenegger character he was supposed to be (Commando, Predator, Kindergarten Cop?) and ultimately came to the conclusion he was reprising his role from Jingle All The Way.

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I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. Even Johnny Knoxville is tolerable in it.

 

(I was also surprised to find that, given the director's

, it wasn't nearly as gory as I expected it to be.)

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I loved this movie as it showed Arnold playing an older guy who can't do super fight scenes anymore (the final fight scene did take me out of the movie a bit because it was so against the grain of what the movie had previously been). He at least gets his limitations now and plays into that, unlike Stallone who still thinks he can hang with the young guys and be tough *cough* Bullet to the Head *cough*.

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I loved this movie as it showed Arnold playing an older guy who can't do super fight scenes anymore (the final fight scene did take me out of the movie a bit because it was so against the grain of what the movie had previously been). He at least gets his limitations now and plays into that, unlike Stallone who still thinks he can hang with the young guys and be tough *cough* Bullet to the Head *cough*.

Which is why I am sooo excited for the possibility of Paul Verhoeven directing Ahnold in a new Conan movie. I think the first movie (written by Oliver Stone) is a pretty decent movie and the idea of a tired old barbarian king going on one last adventure is fun to think about. With the right story and script, it could be great. The nice thing about Conan is that he doesn't have to talk, so we wouldn't need any of that Indiana Jones "I'm getting too old for this" shit.

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that Indiana Jones "I'm getting too old for this" shit.

Although, now that I think about it, I guess that's kind of the point of these "old man" sequels -- Die Harderer, Rambold (which I actually liked), Indiana Olds, even stuff like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.

 

It can work, in the right hands. Or it can go south, like if you decide to cast Shia Laboof as the son.

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Although, now that I think about it, I guess that's kind of the point of these "old man" sequels -- Die Harderer, Rambold (which I actually liked), Indiana Olds, even stuff like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.

 

It can work, in the right hands. Or it can go south, like if you decide to cast Shia Laboof as the son.

 

Exactly. I loved Rambo and Rocky Balboa as it showed Stallone was willing to play the old man, same for Gran Torino. I remember there being an interview with Clint after Harrison Ford flopped with Firewall or whatever, and said something along the lines of how it is sad how Harrison is still trying to act the young guy when it's not the case. He can't be throwing guys through windows or shooting machine guns while driving because it isn't realistic with how he was playing it. Now it seems that Harrison is finally playing the old guy roles and it works for him. I'm looking forward to seeing how the new Conan is, especially for Arnold's portrayal as a weary barbarian.

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I was trying to come up with some really bad movie ideas once, and several of them involved Shia LeBeouf. ie Mutt Williams and the Spear of Destiny and a Dirty Harry reboot with Shia as the titular character.

 

Just a sidebar

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Is Shia this generation's Keanu/Hayden Christensen/Josh Hartnett?

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Is Shia this generation's Keanu/Hayden Christensen/Josh Hartnett?

 

I truly believe he is worse than Keanu(hard to type that). Hartnett and Shia would be a tough decision. Does Hayden Christensen even work anymore?

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I truly believe he is worse than Keanu(hard to type that). Hartnett and Shia would be a tough decision. Does Hayden Christensen even work anymore?

Keanu actually works well when he's cast to type, like say in Parenthood, Bill & Ted, Point Break (maybe?), and even subtly subverts his Keanu-ness in Thumbsucker (which is well worth a watch).

 

Shia is pretty terrible but he's only been in terrible movies, so it's hard to tell. No one comes out of the Transformers movies looking good.

 

Hayden Christensen did that teleporting movie, Jumper, and that's all I can recall. I've heard rumors that he's on board in some capacity for the new Star Wars brand entertainment consumable.

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I truly believe he is worse than Keanu(hard to type that). Hartnett and Shia would be a tough decision. Does Hayden Christensen even work anymore?

 

Last thing I saw him in was Takers. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Keanu because he is great in the right role (Speed, Point Break, Street Kings, Matrix) but can be terrible/wooden in more serious spots (Dracula, any RomCom he does). Hartnett is the same monotone performance every movie, the only time it ever worked for him was when the character was meant to be that (Lucky Number Slevin, Sin City). Christensen just flat out sucks.

 

I've heard rumors that he's on board in some capacity for the new Star Wars brand entertainment consumable.

 

Shit.

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It's not that I think Shia is a bad actor, it's that Hollywood seems to think he's a leading man, when he's clearly no more than a sidekick at best.

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"i'm old" you know what really pissed me off about this movie was the lack of use of good one liners. you don't have a Arnold movie unless you've got good list of liners.

 

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