Whoever just farted on zoom

I can't wait for covid to be over so I can pull down this mask and raw dog the fuck out of the air

You say tomato, I say kegel ball

Sometimes you just have to look back on your life and think "man, I really wish I hadn't put my dick in that watermelon"

I'm an alternative architect, I can prove it inside. I'll build the eiffel tower out of me, your mom, Jekyll, then Hyde

Excuse me, I've been shopping for a new pocket pussy but I was wondering if I could have your pizza pocket instead, it's making daddy feel all sorts of ways

I picked a pack of wild peckers playing in the park, but they said they'd only peg me if I came back after dark

Mirror mirror on the wall, why's my dick so God damn small?

Riddle me this, riddle me that, why did my peen go splat splat splat?

For a quarter, I'll court her. For a dime, I'll rhyme. But give me some nickels and I'll tickle some pickles.

Hampax hampax, on the wall. Who's shorts did I rip, if you recall?

(Insert mediocre midweek catchphrase here) ScottsPoopyDrawers

Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me thrice with pubic lice ScottsPoopyDrawers

Do me fast, do me hard, do me like Jean Luc Picard ScottsPoopyDrawers

Marscapone, Mark Maron, slap me with your lovers bone ScottsPoopyDrawers

As a horticulture student, this is straight gold. I'd like it more if it ended with 'consult a library near you' though