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Episode 62 — Joyful Noise


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Jason's observation about the fucking insanity, perversity and bizzareness that the Asian guy towards the end must have been saying "Mrs. Hughes?" to a closed bathroom stall nearly caused me to crash my bike into a pole I was laughing so hard.

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The black woman's name was Earla Hughes, and yes...

 

JDR08_zps5c0c947c.jpg

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I'm surprised no one mentioned the Pastor's "I hear that" reply when the Asian killer cried about men being scared of her Asian killer vag.

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And what about the fact that THE FREAKING PASTOR in a movie marketed towards Christians (I think?) is one of the antagonists?!?!

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I realized things were MENTAL with this movie in the first few minutes when Dolly Parton walks right from her husband's funeral into the pastor's office to campaign for her dead husband's job. STILL wearing the same mourning rags she was wearing by the casket. Her husband just had a heart attack and suddenly died and he's not even cold in the ground before she's trying to get herself into his old job. WTF? She didn't even seem upset, just like she'd been waiting for the moment in the script where she gets to start saying lines.

 

So many B plots in this movie. Can't even list them all. No wonder it's 2 hours long!! This movie should be 75 minutes MAX.

 

I agree with June that it gets super dark for no reason.

 

And the final belly laugh in this movie for me is that the "boss/ultimate villain" of this movie is a GROUP OF KIDS who Queen shits on to make the audience feel like it's ok for our protagonists to win against a group of amazing kids. At least Sister Act got it right. The kids are the protagonists, and the ultimate "villain" choir group is a bunch of preppy dicks.

 

I can't with this movie. I just can't.

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She didn't even seem upset, just like she'd been waiting for the moment in the script where she gets to start saying lines.

 

And to ineptly deliver the movie's first lousy, confusing joke. At the memorial service, the pastor mentions that Kristofferson loved life. Then Dolly chimes in, "The man had 5 kids; he loved something." Yeah, he loved fuckin'. Apparently more than he loved his children considering none of them bothered showing up. Never mind the poorly delivered sex joke, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE FIVE KIDS? Five kids?! We only meet the son of one of them, and even he didn't go to the funeral!

 

Come to think of it, do you think they made it a memorial service to imply that some percentage of their five children might have made it to the actual funeral previously? It definitely seems like Randy's mom didn't go to either. The deeper you go, there is just layer upon layer of sadness beneath this film.

 

 

EDIT (06/19/13): Well, don't I feel like a schmuck? After listening to this for the fourth time, I finally noticed they mentioned the four sons were there and just the daughter wasn't. Never mind.

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Can anyone explain why EVER someone would sing club music to gain an advantage in a GOSPEL SINGING competition, in a room full of people who are already gospel fans?? It makes sense in Sister Act because they introduced upbeat music to a dull mass people were just sitting through. But everyone at the competition ALREADY LIKES GOSPEL MUSIC. Why would you think they're sitting there like, "Boy oh boy, I came here of my own volition to hear gospel but now I just wish someone would awkwardly reword some Chris Brown up in here."

 

Fred Stoller was great, though, especially pointing out who was "good-looking and slim."

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I also wanted to say that I watched this movie and did not think it was depressing (Messed up, yes, but not depressing) but I was depressed at this movie's loose ends when June said "What the fuck happened between Dolly and her daughter? We'll never know." I genuinely want to know what happened, and am angered that I don't, and demand someone shoot the moonlight dancing scene with Dolly, Kristofferson, and Shania Twain.

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And what about the fact that THE FREAKING PASTOR in a movie marketed towards Christians (I think?) is one of the antagonists?!?!

 

And the final belly laugh in this movie for me is that the "boss/ultimate villain" of this movie is a GROUP OF KIDS who Queen shits on to make the audience feel like it's ok for our protagonists to win against a group of amazing kids. At least Sister Act got it right. The kids are the protagonists, and the ultimate "villain" choir group is a bunch of preppy dicks.

 

But you guys, the even bigger question is WHO WAS THE PROTAGONIST IN THIS MOVIE?!? Was it Dolly? Queen? Keke Palmer and Jeremy Jordan? Who were we rooting for?

 

But I will say that when Queen Latifah is about to give her speech, I just knew "They are going to have this fucking woman give a speech as to why they should defeat these children." I was mindblowned.

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This movie definitely did not have a protagonist, which is kind of daring now that I think about it.

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This movie was in whatever the opposite of my wheelhouse is. Several things...

 

1. Was this supposed to be a juke-box musical? It kind of felt like it wanted to be both that and a legit drama, and ended up failing spectacularly on both ends. I mean, either go "full Moulin Rouge!" or don't, guys. Full disclosure: I hate juke-box musicals, but the movie would've made more sense that way.

 

2. Same thing with the Christian overtones. Was this a Christian movie? As other people (and Paul, Jason, June, and Fred) pointed out, there was a lot of decidedly un-Christian shit going down. For a general, mainstream Christian audience, I suppose it's fine, but without the overall redemptive Christian themes playing any major role in the story, the only thing making it a "Christian movie" is the fact that it's about a gospel choir. And since it's not Christian enough for the fundamentalist, evangelical crowd (we call that going "full Kirk Cameron"), what's the point? That's the problem with making any movie with a religious theme; the religious theme either means something or absolutely nothing. Which brings me to...

 

3. This movie is a perfect example of what happens when you try to appeal to the broadest swath of popular culture possible. "I know! Let's make a movie about a gospel choir! That tries to be hip by singing popular music! With a popular (former) hip-hop lady! And a (once) popular country singing lady! And they're both sassy! And there's a love story! And a bad boy! And a good girl! And a kid with a disability! And drama! And comedy! And sex! And death! Christians will see it! Women will see it! All coveted demographics will see it! AHHHH-HAHAHAHA!" It's like making a simple beef stew and then throwing LITERALLY every possible ingredient within five feet into the pot. "This beef stew has beef! And chicken! And cinnamon! And ketchup! And glazed donuts! And peanut butter! And popcorn! And Earl Grey tea! And a whole grapefruit! People like all those things, right?"

 

4. Dolly Parton was fucking atrocious. "9 to 5" was great, and Dolly was respectably good (though she was no Lily Tomlin or Dabney Coleman), but that was 1980. Surely there was another sassy Southern Belle past 50 that could've lip-synched to Dolly's voice. WHY NOT MARY STEENBURGEN?!

 

5. Queen Latifah deserves waaaay better than this.

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I also wanted to say that I watched this movie and did not think it was depressing (Messed up, yes, but not depressing) but I was depressed at this movie's loose ends when June said "What the fuck happened between Dolly and her daughter? We'll never know." I genuinely want to know what happened, and am angered that I don't, and demand someone shoot the moonlight dancing scene with Dolly, Kristofferson, and Shania Twain.

 

Don't bring Shania into this crazy shit. Pass that one on to Jessica Simpson...or since they were all lip syncing, Ashlee Simpson.

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Also, props to Mantzoukas for pointing out the white savior motif in this movie. They were trying to make it this interracial choir and church, but then they have it in this small town, and its incongruent with what people know about this country. If you're in a small town, you are not going to be see a variety of races and nationalities and definitely not in your church. If they wanted to go for that, they should have set it in a big Southern city and made the church one of those mega churches that are popular now. It would have made more sense.

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I didn't really enjoy this one, although that may have been do, in part, to that fact that I became involved in an automobile collision about halfway through.

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This movie was in whatever the opposite of my wheelhouse is. Several things...

 

1. Was this supposed to be a juke-box musical? It kind of felt like it wanted to be both that and a legit drama, and ended up failing spectacularly on both ends. I mean, either go "full Moulin Rouge!" or don't, guys. Full disclosure: I hate juke-box musicals, but the movie would've made more sense that way.

 

2. Same thing with the Christian overtones. Was this a Christian movie? As other people (and Paul, Jason, June, and Fred) pointed out, there was a lot of decidedly un-Christian shit going down. For a general, mainstream Christian audience, I suppose it's fine, but without the overall redemptive Christian themes playing any major role in the story, the only thing making it a "Christian movie" is the fact that it's about a gospel choir. And since it's not Christian enough for the fundamentalist, evangelical crowd (we call that going "full Kirk Cameron"), what's the point? That's the problem with making any movie with a religious theme; the religious theme either means something or absolutely nothing. Which brings me to...

 

3. This movie is a perfect example of what happens when you try to appeal to the broadest swath of popular culture possible. "I know! Let's make a movie about a gospel choir! That tries to be hip by singing popular music! With a popular (former) hip-hop lady! And a (once) popular country singing lady! And they're both sassy! And there's a love story! And a bad boy! And a good girl! And a kid with a disability! And drama! And comedy! And sex! And death! Christians will see it! Women will see it! All coveted demographics will see it! AHHHH-HAHAHAHA!" It's like making a simple beef stew and then throwing LITERALLY every possible ingredient within five feet into the pot. "This beef stew has beef! And chicken! And cinnamon! And ketchup! And glazed donuts! And peanut butter! And popcorn! And Earl Grey tea! And a whole grapefruit! People like all those things, right?"

 

4. Dolly Parton was fucking atrocious. "9 to 5" was great, and Dolly was respectably good (though she was no Lily Tomlin or Dabney Coleman), but that was 1980. Surely there was another sassy Southern Belle past 50 that could've lip-synched to Dolly's voice. WHY NOT MARY STEENBURGEN?!

 

5. Queen Latifah deserves waaaay better than this.

 

So, I'm almost done watching this movie and I agree with every point you made here. One more thing though. Did anybody else not give a fuck about this movie after a certain point? There was nothing that occurred in this movie that made me care about any of the characters. In fact, I kinda ended up disliking all of them. Also,Dolly Pardon's face is terrifying.

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I listened to this one for the billionth time today and I wanted to highlight what is my favorite HDTGM intro to date

 

Are you looking for a teen romance? How about a story of a child with a disability? Or a movie about two matriarchs. OR a movie about a small depressed town. Or a movie about a church gospel group. OR a movie about a gospel competition. GOOD. Cause this movie has all of those plots. We saw Joyful Noise so you know what that means...
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It's been over a month since I saw this movie, and I still know that Dolly and Queen's character names were G.G. Sparrow and Vi Rose Hill, respectively. This movie was amazing.

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