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JulyDiaz

Episode 71 — The Glimmer Man

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Get your deer penis out right now because The League’s Jon Lajoie joins Paul, June, and Jason to discuss Steven Seagal’s The Glimmer Man. Is this a buddy cop film? How is it that Seagal’s character is a man of peace yet he violently murders a ton of Russian terrorists with a credit card? Is there a separate storyline that involved Keenen Ivory Wayans’ character getting in touch with his emotions? They’ll get into all of this and more! Make sure to go to www.getfxx.com for info on where to see the new season of The League, look out for Ass Backwards coming to a theater near you, and leave your house to watch Hell Baby now in theaters or stay home and watch it on Amazon!

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Another issue I had with the part when Seagal talks over the PA in the school through a cellphone: why did it have to be HIS voice? The kid doesn't know who he is. He doesn't know what he sounds like. It wouldn't matter if it was him speaking or not. It's not like he'd get to the window and then not see the guy he didn't know who was speaking. Couldn't Wayans have asked him to come to the window?

 

I also thought the stepson was being made to be a killer. I thought that was the connection to the therapist and that he and others were being programmed to be murderers like the Manchurian Candidate. That thought was only enforced by the scene where Stephen Tobolowsky puts the gun to his head in the same way as the stepson did at the film's beginning.

 

Also, my one major laugh-out-loud moment came at the very beginning of the movie when the first woman is shot to death. The killer pulls the trigger and then the camera flies towards the screaming woman's forehead as if we are viewing her murder from the point-of-view of the bullet. Gotta say, I was disappointed that technique never came back. Imagine how a credit card razor POV shot could have spiced up a fight scene.

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Ok, so what's up with June facing away from the camera for the group shot? And there being no pics of her in the episode? Did she and Casey Wilson reenact Street Fighter and give each other black eyes?

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Can someone please make a Memezoukas of "Oh no, I'm June."

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zoukas1.jpg

 

Also, my favorite line from this movie is,

 

Steve: "I think he's tryin to make it personal, you know?"

-in regards to the murder of his ex-wife/mother of his children.

 

Jesus this movie is dumb.

 

Im so happy that Jason brought up the scene where segal just pistol whips the two russian guys for a full minute of screen time. I cant even....

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Just to touch on something that Paul said in the podcast about Seagal and Wayans not knowing what their role was to be in the movie -- I feel that this was a time when the action stars of the 80s were trying to branch out into other genres like comedy, with the results being almost always disastrous (save for Kindergarten Cop). So, maybe Seagal was trying to hedge his bets by casting Wayans. But what he didn't know was that Wayans didn't want to be a comedy guy anymore and was straight up looking to be a legit action star. Wayans took the movie thinking it would be a good vehicle to show off his action hero chops.

 

So neither one of them got exactly what they wanted out of this movie -- Seagal's looking for someone to bounce zingers off of and Wayans is looking to do stunts with a legit action star, not a lumbering mushmouth.

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A couple of things to remember while watching this movie: Deer antler tea, is for boosting masculinity. Deer peen powder,is for allergies. Yes, breast implants have serial numbers, and have infact helped identify bodies http://www.cnn.com/2...ia.model.death/.

 

On another note, near the end of the movie when they're in the apartment building and Keenen runs into those kids with the guns, and he makes a Sesame Street reference, something about Big Bird. Then in the very next scene Seagal walking past a garbage can outside the door, that is very much akin to something Oscar the Grouch would live in, was hilarious. This was my favorite low key joke of the movie.

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We should get lumbering Seagal and Gymkata master Kurt Thomas into the octagon. I would pay good money to see that. Actually, I would pay upwards of $30 to have someone write out Thorg in Gymkata and replace him with Seagal.

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On another note, near the end of the movie when they're in the apartment building and Keenen runs into those kids with the guns, and he makes a Sesame Street reference, something about Big Bird. Then in the very next scene Seagal walking past a garbage can outside the door, that is very much akin to something Oscar the Grouch would live in, was hilarious. This was my favorite low key joke of the movie.

That is really funny now that I think about it, but I also truly believe no one on that set was smart enough to make that anything more than a coincidence.

 

Another thing about that apartment building: it would seem abandoned as the gang mentioned except for when those two kids are in the hallway. That said, there was a massive gun fight in one apartment, wouldn't there be other tenant maybe poking their head out of their doors to see what's up? It's as if this apartment complex is abandoned except for two children who are the sole occupants.

 

Edit: Oh, and there's an old lady in one apartment. One lady and two kids, the entire complex population.

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zoukas1.jpg

 

Also, my favorite line from this movie is,

 

Steve: "I think he's tryin to make it personal, you know?"

-in regards to the murder of his ex-wife/mother of his children.

 

I fully believe that the only reason that the new wife existed is because they needed a character that Cole could have that ONE conversation with.

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I fully believe that the only reason that the new wife existed is because they needed a character that Cole could have that ONE conversation with.

He gave ZERO fucks about his current wife. When she had her first scene, staring through the window, I wasn't even sure who she was. Like maybe his sister, someone else taking care of his kids (who he also cared very little about). He barely talks about his wife and it doesn't even make sense that someone would want to be married to this character.

 

So much of this movie feels like it was made up after the fact, in an attempt to cover up huge plot holes or character motivations.

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He gave ZERO fucks about his current wife. When she had her first scene, staring through the window, I wasn't even sure who she was. Like maybe his sister, someone else taking care of his kids (who he also cared very little about). He barely talks about his wife and it doesn't even make sense that someone would want to be married to this character.

 

So much of this movie feels like it was made up after the fact, in an attempt to cover up huge plot holes or character motivations.

 

Yeah, I mentioned it in the Mini-Sode thread. This movie feels like a sequel where we never saw the first installment.

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"Do you know more about fighting than you know about tornadoes?"

 

"His fight face seems like he's squeezing out a hurty poo."

 

Jason seemed to be in high spirits for this one.

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After listening to this podcast for upwards of a year and some change, I am really interested in what goes on during the filming of a movie. I always thought that it was a straight forward process -- the cast gets the script, memorize the lines, and the director films it. But after listening to this ep and others, there seems to be a lot of going on the set from having to convince Seagal -- the hero of the movie -- kill the bad guy in the movie to Nic Cage wanting to switch parts in the middle of 'Trespass' to Stallone improvising food quips in 'Cobra'. Does anyone know of any documentaries that is just the behind the scenes look at making a Hollywood movie?

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Does anyone know of any documentaries that is just the behind the scenes look at making a Hollywood movie?

There's boring ego stroking shit about Scorsese, Spielberg, etc; the only documentary I can think of at the moment which is actually interesting is Overnight, which is about the making of Boondock Saints (a movie I loathe). Basically this fucking bartender in Hollywood with no resume gets a one in a million shot at getting to direct his script with funding from a major studio. He then proceeds to act like a grade A bigshot who is ordering people around like he's Michael Bay or something, just acting like a complete egomaniac dickwad when instead he should be so grateful and thankful to everyone. It's pretty incredible to watch and also fuels my hate for Boondock Saints.

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There's boring ego stroking shit about Scorsese, Spielberg, etc; the only documentary I can think of at the moment which is actually interesting is Overnight, which is about the making of Boondock Saints (a movie I loathe). Basically this fucking bartender in Hollywood with no resume gets a one in a million shot at getting to direct his script with funding from a major studio. He then proceeds to act like a grade A bigshot who is ordering people around like he's Michael Bay or something, just acting like a complete egomaniac dickwad when instead he should be so grateful and thankful to everyone. It's pretty incredible to watch and also fuels my hate for Boondock Saints.

 

I'm watching this tonight!

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There's boring ego stroking shit about Scorsese, Spielberg, etc; the only documentary I can think of at the moment which is actually interesting is Overnight, which is about the making of Boondock Saints (a movie I loathe). Basically this fucking bartender in Hollywood with no resume gets a one in a million shot at getting to direct his script with funding from a major studio. He then proceeds to act like a grade A bigshot who is ordering people around like he's Michael Bay or something, just acting like a complete egomaniac dickwad when instead he should be so grateful and thankful to everyone. It's pretty incredible to watch and also fuels my hate for Boondock Saints.

 

I just read the wiki on this movie and I didn't know that Mark Wahlberg was going to be in this but ended up passing to star in Boogie Nights. Good move, Wahlberg, good move!

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There are A LOT of problems with this movie, but let me just start with the title: Glimmer Man. As Brian Cox tells us (while he awkwardly swims with his villain pal), he was the Glimmer Man because when he murdered people in Viet Nam, they would see nothing and then just a glimmer ... before they died. Um. How do we know this? If it's the last thing that someone saw before they die, how are they communicating this? Are they live-tweeting their assassination? Is Seagal doing some Buddhist mind reading? Does the horrible device from Wild Wild West exist in this world? What the f?

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