Any Law and Order: SVU episode

[nrkist 71]

They are always hysterical. I wait for the perfect moment, when the episode is darkest, and I turn to my girlfriend and say, "You know what, and I don't say this lightly, but this guy...he's kinda a jerk, right?."

[PhillipMedoc 648]

I think Paul and June have covered this show pretty in depth already.

[wakefresh 689]

My favorite SVU eps are the ones where the writers want to make a social message about something other than sex crimes, so they hamstring a rape or molestation into what is really a diatribe about big pharmaceutical companies or newspaper publishers, or whatever.

 

Stabler: "This guy just raped over 100 women and animals."

 

Benson: "Why?"

 

Stabler: "He says he took Cialis for erectile dysfunction and it made him extra horny."

 

Benson: "Rape is not about sex." [insert rape stats from FBI crime report]

 

Stabler: "Then he's probably lying!" [rages and beat the man in custody]

 

Munch: [conspiracy theory about Cialis]

 

Finn: "I'm going to give you the black perspective..."

 

Hot Asst DA: "I'm going to give the rapist 30 days suspended sentence. The real criminals are the makers of Cialis. Why don't they have a warning on the box about this?"

[nrkist 71]

The key is to wait until your GF or friend is super invested in the show. Wait for that moment when Benson says something like: "This guy raped and murdered everyone's grandmother...on live television. Sorry, I can't stand by and let him simply get away with this!"

 

And then you drop: "You know what? This guy is coming off like a real jerk..."

[seanotron 2307]

My favorite SVU eps are the ones where the writers want to make a social message about something other than sex crimes, so they hamstring a rape or molestation into what is really a diatribe about big pharmaceutical companies or newspaper publishers, or whatever.

 

Stabler: "This guy just raped over 100 women and animals."

 

Benson: "Why?"

 

Stabler: "He says he took Cialis for erectile dysfunction and it made him extra horny."

 

Benson: "Rape is not about sex." [insert rape stats from FBI crime report]

 

Stabler: "Then he's probably lying!" [rages and beat the man in custody]

 

Munch: [conspiracy theory about Cialis]

 

Finn: "I'm going to give you the black perspective..."

 

Hot Asst DA: "I'm going to give the rapist 30 days suspended sentence. The real criminals are the makers of Cialis. Why don't they have a warning on the box about this?"

 

Shariq, this is actually the best summation of SVU I have ever read. Well done.

[wakefresh 689]

The key is to wait until your GF or friend is super invested in the show. Wait for that moment when Benson says something like: "This guy raped and murdered everyone's grandmother...on live television. Sorry, I can't stand by and let him simply get away with this!"

 

And then you drop: "You know what? This guy is coming off like a real jerk..."

 

We're never super invested in SVU because we've seen about every last one of them. What we do now is try to pick out actors who have been in other episodes as different characters.

 

"Hey, the woman that is playing the sadistic preschool teacher was the wife of the serial rapist who collected drivers licenses."

[wakefresh 689]

 

Shariq, this is actually the best summation of SVU I have ever read. Well done.

 

I give credit to my laziness and USA's NCIS/SVU all day marathons.

[nrkist 71]

 

We're never super invested in SVU because we've seen about every last one of them. What we do now is try to pick out actors who have been in other episodes as different characters.

 

"Hey, the woman that is playing the sadistic preschool teacher was the wife of the serial rapist who collected drivers licenses."

 

That IS the other fun aspect of the show: "Yeah, 7 year-old sex-slave imprisoned since birth, blah blah blah, WHATEVER, but that one chick is the chick from that other thing, right? No, not that chick. The show I really hated and we barely watched. <sigh> No...it had that one guy in it. You KNOW the guy... Monk? Heh, Tony Shalhoub IS hilarious, but that's really unrelated. Are you serious? That's Tony Shalhoub in Monk! How do you not know this?"

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I give credit to my laziness and USA's NCIS/SVU all day marathons.

This reminds me, I was getting caught up on episodes of something I'd DVR'd and I had my TV on SyFy. They were running some "Ghost Hunters" marathon or something, and every half hour or so when the show I was watching ended, it'd stop and I'd immediately get "Wait! What was that? I heard something! Hello? I...I felt something...". EVERY time for like 6 hours.

[sillstaw 414]

The key is to wait until your GF or friend is super invested in the show. Wait for that moment when Benson says something like: "This guy raped and murdered everyone's grandmother...on live television. Sorry, I can't stand by and let him simply get away with this!"

 

And then you drop: "You know what? This guy is coming off like a real jerk..."

 

I prefer to make jokes at the beginning of "Law & Order" episodes, when some random bystander happens upon a corpse. Like some people are going through a hotel food cart scavenging, and they come upon a body: "We just found the meat!"

[wakefresh 689]

 

That IS the other fun aspect of the show: "Yeah, 7 year-old sex-slave imprisoned since birth, blah blah blah, WHATEVER, but that one chick is the chick from that other thing, right? No, not that chick. The show I really hated and we barely watched. <sigh> No...it had that one guy in it. You KNOW the guy... Monk? Heh, Tony Shalhoub IS hilarious, but that's really unrelated. Are you serious? That's Tony Shalhoub in Monk! How do you not know this?"

 

The most egregious is the redhead with the pixie cut. She was a teenage runaway in an episode in SVU and later became the partner to Vincent D'Anfrio(sp?) in Criminal Intent. That's a real success story -- from both the a crossover character standpoint and from the real-life actor's standpoint.

[wakefresh 689]

 

I prefer to make jokes at the beginning of "Law & Order" episodes, when some random bystander happens upon a corpse. Like some people are going through a hotel food cart scavenging, and they come upon a body: "We just found the meat!"

 

I also tried to put words to the theme song in SVU. That's real fun as well.

 

"We're the police that get the....

We're the police that get the...

molesters, rapists, wife-beaters and sadists,

weirdos, perverts, and all of those in the betweeeeeeeeeen"

[wakefresh 689]

 

I prefer to make jokes at the beginning of "Law & Order" episodes, when some random bystander happens upon a corpse. Like some people are going through a hotel food cart scavenging, and they come upon a body: "We just found the meat!"

 

Those characters are the best to play...those and the random people who will just give up information to keep the story going along. That would be a good way to get your SAG card and some of those residuals.

 

Benson: "Hey, do you know this girl?"

 

Me: "Maybe. I think she stays on the fourth floor."

 

end of scene. sit back and collect the checks.

[wakefresh 689]

This reminds me, I was getting caught up on episodes of something I'd DVR'd and I had my TV on SyFy. They were running some "Ghost Hunters" marathon or something, and every half hour or so when the show I was watching ended, it'd stop and I'd immediately get "Wait! What was that? I heard something! Hello? I...I felt something...". EVERY time for like 6 hours.

 

Have you always noticed that there is never any ghost activity during the day? All of those "ghost" shows are just people telling each other really creepy stories about a building they are going to into later that night. There was a comedian who said how come they never run into modern ghosts. Like, people who OD'ed while watching episodes of Alf in the 80s. It's always a ghost from the 18th or 19th century.

[seanotron 2307]

 

I prefer to make jokes at the beginning of "Law & Order" episodes, when some random bystander happens upon a corpse. Like some people are going through a hotel food cart scavenging, and they come upon a body: "We just found the meat!"

 

This is why I was always an OG Law & Order fan. There's nothing better to brighten your day than an inappropriate one-liner from Lennie Briscoe.

 

Upon seeing the body of a woman who fell from her balcony: "I wonder if her friends knew she was dropping by?"

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Have you always noticed that there is never any ghost activity during the day? All of those "ghost" shows are just people telling each other really creepy stories about a building they are going to into later that night. There was a comedian who said how come they never run into modern ghosts. Like, people who OD'ed while watching episodes of Alf in the 80s. It's always a ghost from the 18th or 19th century.

Alie & Georgia (Slumber Party podcast) talk about this all the time. Like why are all ghosts Victorian or from the Civil War? Shouldn't there be some 1980s ghosts by now? Patrick Swayze comes close, but no cigar. I guess Bill Cosby counts. But yeah, how about hippie or disco ghosts? And why would my grandmother be haunting me? She was a good Christian lady.

 

^props to seanotron

 

Also, Shariq, you are like balls deep in SVU. Wow. I've never actually seen an episode, only vanilla Law & Order.

[RyanSz 3140]

I love the Law & Orders and CSIs for their comedic spots. Similar to how Commando was a movie based almost on one-liners, these shows are the same with some fast science thrown in. It's why I love NCIS so much as it points out those tropes while having some of its own. Every L&O and CSI episode starts with random joe finding a body, cut to start of investigation and "too soon" one-liner, then lead to half assed science/investigation and the ultimate reveal. As for actors appearing in the shows again, the biggest one was the redheaded DA who was originally on the show as a ringleader of angry women who would torture men.

 

SVU in particular likes to get on a moral high-horse about shit as well. I remember one episode where this Latino kid, seven

years old, ends up shooting a black girl at his school with a gun he found. They begin investigating because there is an underlying reason for how he got the gun. After seeing that he was trying to kill a guy who he watched killed someone with the gun prior, they let the kid off and the mom of the dead girl is fine with it. Then the Latino kid is killed by a random black kid out of revenge making the whole morality tale worthless.

 

Then there was the Michael Jackson episode where a famous toy maker, who looks like Jimmy Fallon, is charged with molesting a kid at one of his themed costumed parties. Then another kid comes out and says the same thing. It's then revealed the girl's mom, played by Shirley from Laverne & Shirley, was making it up in order to get a payoff from from the molester to pay for her daughters cancer treatment. The detectives basically give her a "fuck you and your cancer kid" speech because she ruined the investigation and then said "we are just gonna wait for him to molest again."

 

And I can't remember if it was from the first or second Evening with Kevin Smith where he talked about his love affair with the shows. He asked if he could have a part in an episode and when he was asked what kind of part he said he wanted to be the quick interview guy who talked to detectives while doing a mundane task, because that was his favorite part of the show. You can still find the clip online .

[wakefresh 689]

Alie & Georgia (Slumber Party podcast) talk about this all the time. Like why are all ghosts Victorian or from the Civil War? Shouldn't there be some 1980s ghosts by now? Patrick Swayze comes close, but no cigar. I guess Bill Cosby counts. But yeah, how about hippie or disco ghosts? And why would my grandmother be haunting me? She was a good Christian lady.

 

^props to seanotron

 

Also, Shariq, you are like balls deep in SVU. Wow. I've never actually seen an episode, only vanilla Law & Order.

 

Oh boy, I couldn't count how many hours I've spent scratching my belly looking at NCIS, SVU, Criminal Intent, and L&O eps. When I was working from home, they would have the shit on for three or four straight hours before the primetime lineups came on. TNT and USA program directors have the easiest job in television. Run 3 hours of Saved By the Bell or Seinfeld, followed by 4 hours of NCIS/SVU/CSI, followed by the nightly movie (TNT) or a couple of original programs, and then end the night with a block of King of Queen. I could do that in my spare time.

 

C'MON USA CHANNEL, GIVE ME A FREAKING JOB!!!

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Relevant to this discussion, Comedy Bing Bong's recent stop in Portland had an amazing Ice-T via PFT performance. If you listen closely, you can probably hear me having a heart attack about ten times. Shit was hilarious.

[wakefresh 689]

I love the Law & Orders and CSIs for their comedic spots. Similar to how Commando was a movie based almost on one-liners, these shows are the same with some fast science thrown in. It's why I love NCIS so much as it points out those tropes while having some of its own. Every L&O and CSI episode starts with random joe finding a body, cut to start of investigation and "too soon" one-liner, then lead to half assed science/investigation and the ultimate reveal. As for actors appearing in the shows again, the biggest one was the redheaded DA who was originally on the show as a ringleader of angry women who would torture men.

 

OH YEAH! That was Alex, I think. She's a blonde, isn't she. That was on the where the rich, successful women raped a male stripper and they were like, "he wanted it!!!" So heavy handed.

 

SVU in particular likes to get on a moral high-horse about shit as well. I remember one episode where this Latino kid, seven

years old, ends up shooting a black girl at his school with a gun he found. They begin investigating because there is an underlying reason for how he got the gun. After seeing that he was trying to kill a guy who he watched killed someone with the gun prior, they let the kid off and the mom of the dead girl is fine with it. Then the Latino kid is killed by a random black kid out of revenge making the whole morality tale worthless.

 

Then there was the Michael Jackson episode where a famous toy maker, who looks like Jimmy Fallon, is charged with molesting a kid at one of his themed costumed parties. Then another kid comes out and says the same thing. It's then revealed the girl's mom, played by Shirley from Laverne & Shirley, was making it up in order to get a payoff from from the molester to pay for her daughters cancer treatment. The detectives basically giver her a "fuck you and your cancer kid speech" because she ruined the investigation and then said "we are just gonna wait for him to molest again."

 

I will always remember one ep where they had Mischa Barton playing a hooker. So, she is important in this case about a guy who goes around killing hookers. To get info on Mischa they talk to a little black girl, about 12 years old, who is also a hooker. Stabler says something about being disgusted that there are children on the street, blah, blah. But as soon as they get the info from this little girl, THEY LEAVE HER RIGHT IN THE CONDITIONS THAT THEY SAID WHERE SO DISGUSTING. They never call back and say, "hey, we're going to get this little girl out of a life of prostitution." They just leave her there so they can focus on Mischa Barton and SAVING HER INSTEAD! My mind is exploding right now just thinking about it, as evidenced by the all caps.

 

And I guess that's why I really stopped watching it. The legal hoops they jump through for some people and the way they say, "there's nothing we can do. its the law" for others. Like there is no reason why that little boy didn't deserve to be charged. He killed someone. There was one where the teenager was doing camshows molesting his little brother. They didn't charge him because "he had been through enough already." WHAT THE FUCK!!!

 

Its so stupid and sanctimonious and clueless at the same time.

[RyanSz 3140]

 

OH YEAH! That was Alex, I think. She's a blonde, isn't she. That was on the where the rich, successful women raped a male stripper and they were like, "he wanted it!!!" So heavy handed.

 

No it was Casey Novak (Diane Neal) who was on both regular Law and Order and SVU. Another thing I loved about this show was how all of the main detectives minus Munch begin to reveal that they have been molested or attacked. Their stories change so many times it makes me wonder if the characters are making it up in order to get information from people, which is fucked up, or that it has happened so many times to them that they are basically dick magnets, which is just as fucked up.

 

Even more fucked up is when these marathons come on USA the ads joke about how these cops don't care about civil rights as long as it gets the job done, and the announcer says this in a way as if he's announcing a children's show. I mean, fuck laws and rights, right?

[inactiveuser501 168]

I don't watch any Law & Order (Although I really wish I did), but it might interest you all that there was a recent episode where Paula Deen kills Trayvon Martin. How do you even PITCH that?

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I don't watch any Law & Order (Although I really wish I did), but it might interest you all that there was a recent episode where Paula Deen kills Trayvon Martin. How do you even PITCH that?

That sounds like something the "Epic Movie" guys would come up with if they started writing episodic television.

 

"Who's big in the news this week? Great! Now we'll just have them all kick each other in the balls and call everything gay for the entire episode!" And the Emmy goes to...

[wakefresh 689]

I don't watch any Law & Order (Although I really wish I did), but it might interest you all that there was a recent episode where Paula Deen kills Trayvon Martin. How do you even PITCH that?

 

Yeah, I read they were working on that awhile ago. I think it just aired or something. Ice T sure has mellowed out in his old age because if I got that script at the table read, I would be punching everyone in the mouth.

[wakefresh 689]

 

No it was Casey Novak (Diane Neal) who was on both regular Law and Order and SVU. Another thing I loved about this show was how all of the main detectives minus Munch begin to reveal that they have been molested or attacked. Their stories change so many times it makes me wonder if the characters are making it up in order to get information from people, which is fucked up, or that it has happened so many times to them that they are basically dick magnets, which is just as fucked up.

 

Even more fucked up is when these marathons come on USA the ads joke about how these cops don't care about civil rights as long as it gets the job done, and the announcer says this in a way as if he's announcing a children's show. I mean, fuck laws and rights, right?

 

That's why I hate Stabler. He always goes in and beats people up, even if they are the wrong person, and nothing ever happens to him. If I got to write the series finale of SVU, he would die a slow, horrible death.

 

And yes, everyone on the show has been either molested or raped. The only person they don't go into the past details about is Ice T. He's never there but for three or four lines or when there is a racial element to the plot. Actually, the only eps that were about him were the ones with Ludacris playing the evil genius baby killer. But other that, you don't know shit about Finn. You don't even know where the hell he was born or what he did prior to joining the police.