Episode 75.5 — Minisode 75.5

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

No one in this movie obeys traffic laws. They drive like vehicles are a foreign concept.

 

I love this police station set.

 

I think the direction was given to make the black SUVs skid IN EVERY SHOT.

 

Also, I think the police station was shot in an underground garage.

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

CINDY CRAWFORD FUCKING SPREAD ON THE HOOD OF A CAR WHILE WE HAVE A BILLY BALDWIN PUMPING ASS-SHOT.. !!!

 

What's better:

 

Billy Baldwin pumping into Cindy Crawford with her foot in such a position that it looks like it's coming out of his butt

 

OR

 

Tommy Wiseau repeatedly humping Lisa's bellybutton in The Room

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

I agree with everything you're saying -- I just want to point out that Charlie has been around for decades; it's basically like the Brut of women's fragrances. It smells like your grandmother kissing you.

 

Also, Little Richard totally stole his entire shtick from Esquerita. Well, maybe not totally, but history has unfortunately forgotten him.

 

Me getting the origins of this perfume wrong is well worth your immaculate description of it. Good work, fine sir.

 

Also, can SOMEONE please make a gif of William Baldwin flying through the air while shooting his pistol? Maybe of Cindy's body being tossed into into the water via her exploding house? Good fucking lord, this movie... every scene has something worth commenting on. The full podcast might be three hours long.

[Joven 373]

 

I think the direction was given to make the black SUVs skid IN EVERY SHOT.

 

Also, I think the police station was shot in an underground garage.

 

There was more drifting in this than in Tokyo Drift. The only time a car is not sliding around is when its an old ass cadillac convertible is going 80mph on a dirt road and the main character makes huge steering corrections and swerves aggressively...so, the one time it actually should have. Of course it was probably being stabilized by the reality distortion field around the train which kept his car simultaneously both incredibly far away from it and right next to it.

 

Also, speaking of underground garages...when they're in the garage at the airport, and the fake FBI attack (which came out of the clear damn blue sky, those ID's were indeed very good, *gasp* they must have...USED COMPUTERS!!!) and William Baldwin is wrestling with the guy in the front seat over a gun...what explodes? Why does whatever it is explode? Did a meteor land? Did someone walking by knock over a TV? Theres just a huge explosion in front of them for no reason, which doesnt even seem to effect anything in the struggle anyway.

[inactiveuser501 168]

20 minutes in, and the boat scene already proved why this movie is worth it. The dialouge (You wanna watch Headline News with me? No? It's not gonna kill ya), Billy Baldwin's sideways shooting, and the crown jewel, Cindy Crawford just flying out of that house boat.

[PhillipMedoc 648]

That fucking television explosion! How much C4 or whatever is in that tv? Like the top half of the house completely blows the fuck up and there's that awesome ragdoll stand-in for Cindy Crawford getting tossed out the window like at least three stories but guys, water is completely safe to fall in at any height.

 

THIS MOVIE IS SO STUPID. I'm pretty sure even in 1995 cops couldn't just smoke cigars in the station. And the costume designers were so lazy -- they totally went to JC Pennys and bought like three packs of generic blue shirts for the cops. Everyone is wearing a nice, crisp, out of the bag 3-for-$20 blue shirt.

 

And yet, after sitting through this insanely chauvinist wet dream, I still didn't understand why the Russians needed Cindy. Why? I obviously missed some line in the beginning, because they never really talked about their motives. Did they want to know what hair products she used? Because her hair looked fucking immaculate in every scene.

 

Despite everything, I did truly believe that Cindy Crawford was trying her best. I can appreciate that. It must have been incredible to be on that set and act around those line readings of hers without eyes rolling straight out of heads.

[Joven 373]

They wanted her dead because she was going to eventually force the person who owns the boat which they're on to give it over in a divorce settlement, which meant people might inspect it eventually or something and discovering what they were using it for...and obviously killing her would have stopped that. And its such a vital piece of equipment they were relying on, so much so that from the beginning of when they first tried to kill her to when they accomplished their goal is maybe a day and a half, and they were going to blow it up anyway.

[inactiveuser501 168]

Alright, several things.

 

1) The villian's demise was the greatest thing I ever witnessed

 

2) They decide to destroy Cindy's home with a TV bomb while the assasin HAS A GUN AND CINDY IS IN PLAIN SIGHT OUTSIDE OF HER BOAT.

 

3) Cindy's role was optioned to Brooke Shields, Julianne Moore, and Geena Davis (who chose Cutthroat Island over this), even though this REALLY felt like a Cindy Crawford vehicle

 

4) Crawford and Baldwin seem to be trying but...no. Just no.

 

5) Watch this movie while playing "Find the Parallels to Cobra" It is amazing.

 

All in all, a crapfest, but seeing as I loved Cobra, I shouldn't be surprised I loved this. It really is Cobra for the 90's

[broncotruck11 250]

Does anyone else remember the awkward podcast Jason Wollner was on? It was more painful than watching A dungeon siege

[justinmh05 1968]

Does anyone else remember the awkward podcast Jason Wollner was on? It was more painful than watching A dungeon siege

 

I don't know the exact mini-ep, but it would have been from last fall.

 

I'm sure you know, but that was all an elaborate comedy bit, which he carried off on Twitter and several podcasts.

[seanotron 2307]

Does anyone else remember the awkward podcast Jason Wollner was on? It was more painful than watching A dungeon siege

 

http://www.earwolf.com/episode/minisode-50-5/