Episode 12 — Ben Schwartz, Our Close Friend

[burdrulz 1760]

Christmas break chillzones

 

here's a sneak peak of the hollywood flag. Hopefully it will be lovely and romantic.

 

[Hayzie Bone 843]

Merry Christmas everyone! For me, today's a fun day to look back on my fondest memories of the show. Like the time I convinced Paul F. Tompkins to record a personal voicemail message for Valerie Bryant on the air! I knew she was a fan of his and thought she'd think it was a fun surprise. Haven't listened to her songs yet but I'm sure they'll be a treat too. Anyway, hoping you're having as great a Christmas as I am, where everyone likes you and thinks you're good!

[burdrulz 1760]

Hello Everyone.

 

There's been so much love on the forum today that I can't help but feel totallly pumppppeedddd uppppp to unveil this new creation with you guys.

 

Christmas is the time for receiving gifts from your parents and not getting them that much because they still make more money than you, HOWEVER i've been told it 'feels good' to give as well during this holiday.

 

So, Hayes and Sean are constantly giving us a one way ticket non refundable to the funniest of funny zones. I feel like we're always looking to give each other laughs and chuckles here and there, and it's been fun to get to know some of you in the process.

 

This past episode with Ben Shorts was crazy funny and the idea of a Hollywood flag added to said funniness. When asking myself, what can I give for the holidays, it seemed pretty obvious that I try and put a visual representation to the brilliance of Sean, Hayes, and Bin.

 

So Here we go... (process commentary included)

 

We begin with Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams embracing is the softest, juiciest kiss. (please notice the chest hair and nips, this was a little personal touch)

 

 

If we take a step back we see the flag in it's entirety. I admit i went a little brush heavy, but I couldn't really help it.

 

 

Here we see an idea of what the flag could look like when flying. Maybe a little busy? maybe a little too many illustration styles clashing? But shit it had to have all these things on it to comply with The dude's original vision.

 

 

I just want to take a second to admire this detail shot.

 

 

Now unfortunately, When shooting night shoots, or 6 day alien encounter shoots, there can be some accidents. It's a necessary part of the process as far as an actor doing his actings, and sometimes he needs to pound your skull and 'feel the crunch'. If this leads to someone perishing... jeez it's a bummer, but at least we know that this unfortunate bi standard's family will be comforted with this flag draped over the casket of their loved one. (poor rendering but whatever)

 

 

and finally here is the Sean Clemdawgy approved version. He had noticed I did not include the proper representation of an 8 millimeter. Just a quick change but I'm cool with it.

 

 

Hope you guys are enjoying your time home wif yer fams. This show has been beyond fun to follow, as has it's forums buds. So thanks and look forward to seeing all the goodness next year.

[Erika 249]

That is amazing, holy shit dude

[xoValeriexo 4369]

I was going to sing “Fame”, but with Hayes, then say a bunch of stuff about how Hayes is better than Sean, but I didn’t want to contradict myself. I just hope you guys know I love you both with all of my heart. And I mean that. It’s difficult not to add “you dummies” to the end of that, but I’m not going to.

I’m becoming convinced that I killed myself in high school and I’m now in heaven. My life is just too good. And now a bunch of cool, hunky dudes are being nice to me? Ridiculous. When are Sean and Hayes going to get their HH cruise started? We need a forum meetup.

I was sick last night (I think my art took a piece of me with it when it left lol), but I still had to go to the Christmas gathering today which was bullshit. If I hadn’t gone though, then I wouldn’t have heard this:

Uncle Richard: I’m going to see Frank Caliendo on Monday.

My Mom: Oooh, that’s gonna be goooood.

 

Bruce Reid Robinson II: I was going to say a dirty joke, but decided it’d be best to keep these forums clean.

Bill Russell Crowe: How do I enable downloads? I am very stupid. PS I like you.

Chanson: I once had an internet bf and he was named Mario. Do you think you can compete with that?

Matt Cameron: Are you using real words? PS We’re friends.

Greggy: Are you saying you would front in death? Remember you’re under oath. PS I’m joshin.

hugLife: Aww, that’s so sweet/embarrassing. It’s pretty dumb how happy your comment makes me.

Burdrulz: Your flag! I would buy the hell out of one of those. Can we go into business together? You sell amazing Hollywood Handbook merch, I’ll sell 10 second clips of parody songs.

TheClassyHobo: No one wants you here.

[hugLife 492]

TheClassyHobo: No one wants you here.

 

This literally made me laugh out loud. Aww, look at us all falling in like with each other.

 

Sean would prob host the meetup if we all brought his a new cat to add to his collection.

[kobthatreal 5896]

Bill Russell Crowe: How do I enable downloads? I am very stupid. PS I like you.

 

Well aren't you sweet as a Hawaiian ham.

 

Go to the song and click the edit button. At the bottom of the edit page there is a button that says "downloads disabled" and you have to click it to enable them. PS: I am theredbarondavis and my rap music is kind of spooky so don't listen to it at night, also, don't judge me from the content.

[kobthatreal 5896]

Oh by the way guys. I work as Santa every Christmas day the past 5 years so shoutout to all the other Santas out there getting that sweet Santa money, someone has got to do it. Normally it's not a 24 year old like myself, but none the less it is hard. I do it in a resort in Boca Raton, Florida. It is a heavily jewish population and I just gotta say it, why are the jewish kids so mean to me! They were pullin my beard all day! "youre not santa! youre not santa! I celebrate hannukah, santa isn't real!" Like, WOAH, guys... calm down! Now some of the Jewish kids were sweet, but there was a group of about 8 that were harassing the shit out of me this year. In lighter news, one of the autistic kids drew a picture of me, santa, and wrote on the back "Santa I miss you every year please come back sooner." I almost cried. I hope everyone has a great holidays, and if you're jewish, tell your kids to let up on santa, hes tired!

[chanson 9697]

 

Chanson: I once had an internet bf and he was named Mario. Do you think you can compete with that?

 

 

 

Realistically? Probably not.

 

Maybe Burdrulz will be my internet girlfriend instead? He might not have an internet boyfriend named Mario. He also might not have a totally not fake totally not made up 100% real IRL boyfriend, too. Which would make him being my internet girlfriend less weird.

[burdrulz 1760]

 

 

Realistically? Probably not.

 

Maybe Burdrulz will be my internet girlfriend instead? He might not have an internet boyfriend named Mario. He also might not have a totally not fake totally not made up 100% real IRL boyfriend, too. Which would make him being my internet girlfriend less weird.

 

 

I don't have an internet girlf.

 

I've always wanted to go to Seattle.

 

How does one even have an internet girlf? Does that make real life girlfs angry? I have a real life dog,

[chanson 9697]

 

 

I don't have an internet girlf.

 

I've always wanted to go to Seattle.

 

How does one even have an internet girlf? Does that make real life girlfs angry? I have a real life dog,

 

I was kinda hoping you would know... I also have a dog. Is that a bad thing?

 

PS - Seattle's pretty great. I'm being modest. It's fucking fantastic. I may be biased though seeing as how I haven't ever lived anywhere else. That said, I don't see why I would need to. It has everything. Rain. Skiing. Rain. A giant phallic tower built in the '60s. Lesbians. Republicans who are both afraid of their own political party and the Democrats. Breweries. Dispassionate Sports Fans. Ferries. Trains. Artsy Shit. Entrepreneurship. Billionaires. And other good shit. And all the bad shit goes away because it's depressing here if you're unhappy. And you will either move away or kill yourself (and have people say that Courtney Love actually killed you). I would recommend the former to the latter. But that's just a recommendation and I'm not one to tell people how to live their lives.

 

Oh, also everyone who moves here dates Courtney Love. It's like a city ordinance or whatever.

[greggy 15909]

would i front in death? an interesting question....i think i will just mostly rot then but if a gravesman does me up with paint and bow ties then i spose i would then be fronting

sad to think about, i ope to have my brain uploaded to my phone by then, texting lol 2 my boys at the speed of thought

[kneisage 2108]

Ahhh holy shit this forum is filling me up with wonderful holiday cheer and happiness. You all are awesome, (especially Valerie and Bird Rulez for the amazing things you two made) and if any of you are ever in the LAish area (where the stars come out at night if you know what I mean ;] ) I would be more than happy to buy you a coffee or beer or something.

 

If I weren't at my parents' house right now I would record a rockin track with synths and drums and stuff for you all, but I might do a little something anyway ok take care and have a very nice night

[MattCameron 595]

Matt Cameron: Are you using real words? PS We’re friends.

 

Am I using real words? Of cleef I arn.

 

But, for real, I value our friendship and all of my fellow Handbook Heads in the forum. I have split my time this holiday season between Nashville, Tampa, FL (which, despite the nice weather, is just a real piece of garbage), and my current home of Charlotte, NC. I enjoy the fact that this show has been able to bring all of us together nationwide, from the Pac Northwest (Chanson- my mom grew up in Seattle and my parents lived there for awhile, luckily before the requisite Courtney Love dating ordinance, and I agree it's fantastic) to the dirty South and all points in between, to laugh and laugh and buss all of our shit up.

 

The creativity that I witness in here week in and week out seriously blows me away (budrulz, you're a god damn champion). I am a musician myself and so you may be hearing from me in the vein of Valerie and Andy's contributions, as Common Sence might say, as soon as I get around to it.

 

But a big, big, huge, big thanks to Hayes and Sean for making this show for us. It has made every Tuesday morning for the past 12 weeks feel like Christmas morning (minus all of the familial guilt trips). I'm looking forward to much more bussin up in 2014.

[chanson 9697]

Greggy, what's it like to be the rillist thing runnin?

 

---------------------

 

Also, GQ says that Downtown LA is the the next cool capital of America.

 

My thoughts: Suck my dick GQ.

[hugLife 492]

My thoughts: Suck my dick GQ.

 

You'd prob get a lot of paper cuts. Something to consider.

[NotTheNarnold 413]

VB love the song, The Classy Hobo that's amazing, and Burd that is amazing. You guys are all so talented.

I always preferred Sean too but then he beat me last week and now I hate him.

[hugLife 492]

Here is my Kwanzaa contribution to the forum-

 

Since I can't draw and I don't have halfway decent audio equipment, I wanted to be cliché and write a poem/rap (a prap):

 

Adjust your bifocals, sit down and take a good look

at these notes listed for you in the Hollywood Handbook.

Clean your ears with a q-tip to hear tips on Tuesdays

Sean and Hayes are too hip like the new wingtip shoe craze.

Learning facts from close friends about how stardom begins

It's a guide to the inside of the big time and we just peek in.

In case you didn't know Earwolf, we're the best forum, let me inform 'em

I'm the presiding judge about to give a few shoutouts and I need decorum:

Valley B sings songs and hangs with hobos named "Loogie",

Chanson lives in Fogland and loves Washington apples truly.

AndyTelekinesis is cool because he lives in Compton,

and I'm glad to finally see another post by Erika Thompson.

MattCameron representing the south of the Mason Dixon,

The Narnold is now "Skrimps" and that new name is sick son.

Greggy's post make me feel like I'm reading Flowers for Algernon,

and Ged, a 600 word post is too damn long.

If you didn't realize Bruce Reid is literally Jason Mantzoukas

Burdrulz is a sentient pigeon who is always creating some cool sh*t.

The Octerdoctor stays scoop troopin' keeping the forum in the know,

If you ever go to Florida, say hi to Bill Russell Crowe.

And quick RIP to Toby Wreath who kind of disappeared,

Haggplant Parmeslalex just picked his name cuz it sounded weird.

Avoiding the England traffic just takes a little bit of Common Sence,

and when Lucas Holmes gets mad he starts ripping out hearts like the ancient Astecks.

 

 

I regretted stating trying to incorporate everyone's name right after I started. That took 8x longer than I thought that it would, but I just wanted you to know that you are loved. Sorry if I left anyone out or you thought that it sucked.

 

Enjoy the rest of your Kwanzaa, and keep promoting Umoja and Kuumba always!

[MattCameron 595]

Here is my Kwanzaa contribution to the forum-

 

Since I can't draw and I don't have halfway decent audio equipment, I wanted to be cliché and write a poem/rap (a prap):

 

Adjust your bifocals, sit down and take a good look

at these notes listed for you in the Hollywood Handbook.

Clean your ears with a q-tip to hear tips on Tuesdays

Sean and Hayes are too hip like the new wingtip shoe craze.

Learning facts from close friends about how stardom begins

It's a guide to the inside of the big time and we just peek in.

In case you didn't know Earwolf, we're the best forum, let me inform 'em

I'm the presiding judge about to give a few shoutouts and I need decorum:

Valley B sings songs and hangs with hobos named "Loogie",

Chanson lives in Fogland and loves Washington apples truly.

AndyTelekinesis is cool because he lives in Compton,

and I'm glad to finally see another post by Erika Thompson.

MattCameron representing the south of the Mason Dixon,

The Narnold is now "Skrimps" and that new name is sick son.

Greggy's post make me feel like I'm reading Flowers for Algernon,

and Ged, a 600 word post is too damn long.

If you didn't realize Bruce Reid is literally Jason Mantzoukas

Burdrulz is a sentient pigeon who is always creating some cool sh*t.

The Octerdoctor stays scoop troopin' keeping the forum in the know,

If you ever go to Florida, say hi to Bill Russell Crowe.

And quick RIP to Toby Wreath who kind of disappeared,

Haggplant Parmeslalex just picked his name cuz it sounded weird.

Avoiding the England traffic just takes a little bit of Common Sence,

and when Lucas Holmes gets mad he starts ripping out hearts like the ancient Astecks.

 

 

I regretted stating trying to incorporate everyone's name right after I started. That took 8x longer than I thought that it would, but I just wanted you to know that you are loved. Sorry if I left anyone out or you thought that it sucked.

 

Enjoy the rest of your Kwanzaa, and keep promoting Umoja and Kuumba always!

 

I believe 50 Cents (Curt) owes Sean and Hayes a favor for introducing him to Dr. Andre (Dre, of Beatz), so maybe they can get this to the right people for recording? Well done, huglife.

[NotTheNarnold 413]

Haha Hug Life that was great!

[xoValeriexo 4369]

Amazing prap, hugLife! Very clever and funny. Taking all that time to create a line for each forum member was worth it, because everything you came up with makes me sooo happy.

 

Bill Russell Crowe, I just listened to a few of your tracks on SoundCloud. I'm very impressed with your talent, while also being very disappointed in how comfortable your mind is there in the gutter. It seems like only yesterday you were mama's lil boy, helping me mash up potatoes and asking, "More buddur?" with your signature lisp. And now here you are rapping about hippie pussy. Again, though, you're extremely talented.

[chanson 9697]

 

You'd prob get a lot of paper cuts. Something to consider.

 

Good lookin' out.

[burdrulz 1760]

White men can't jump was on HBO somethign ntogiht.. i loveedi it,

[Lukas Holmes 2287]

It used to be funny when the guys would say guests credits wrong, but it's not anymore. The show is called HOUSE OF PIES. Please be more professional in the future.

[kneisage 2108]

HugLife: that rap rules.

 

Valerie: your Soundcloud also rules and if you ever need me to record a backing track for anything you're working on let me know! I'd be happy to create a shitty approximation of any genre you want.

 

BR Crowe: what's your name on Soundcloud? I'm gonna follow the shit outta you.

 

Burd Rulez: your Soundcloud rules too. Or should I say it rulez hahah yeah I probably should because it's funny