EPISODE 82 — Neil Casey, Our Close Friend

[Houston 4819]

"smell our dirty tits" and "an accidental gangbang situation"

 

The whole story was great, but the two above phrases made me laugh out loud in real life and not that disingenuous internet shorthand way. 5 stars.

[A Bear 1813]

My cat came back in the night. Woke up to her next to me in bed (not in the RanRan way). So happy

[DanielLuna 117]

 

Not sure what the joke is here. Something about a mouse needing three holes instead of one?

 

Anyways what's up mice :#HollywoodHandbook.

 

 

Also would love to see Jon Dore sit in with the HHbros sometime in 2015 pleeeease~

[dixon 5920]

http://www.reddit.co...ciation_thread/

 

This feels mean-spirited but my narcissism is getting the better of me. Turns out Reddit isn't shitty after all.

[JacobCrites 4977]

Hey so unrelated to everything else. But the forum still won't let me change my profile picture, it keeps on saying it failed to load whatever image I try. Has anyone else had this problem?

Have you tried believing in yourself?

[samschilling22 516]

God damn it velvet revolver I was literally just about to post this story. I met a girl on OKCupid who already liked Hollywood Handbook. She didn't answer my last message though. I bet it would be real impressive if I got the pro version. Mf3018 if you're out there... whattup whattup

 

Snooze ya lose ajjar

[Houston 4819]

My cat came back in the night. Woke up to her next to me in bed (not in the RanRan way). So happy

 

A Bear, when you woke up were you all like:

 

 

UPDATE: Question that just came to mind. You have catdoor, right? Because if not your story elevates to a new level of interesting. Either way, glad the cat is back.

[A Bear 1813]

Yeah, I have a catdoor. She is very energetic and loves to roam the neighborhood, I've tried to keep her indoors but she gets really unhappy. She's out during the day while I'm at work and stays in at night.

[JacobCrites 4977]

RIP Mimby

http://variety.com/2015/tv/news/the-mindy-project-cancelled-fox-hulu-1201489438/?_r=true

[Jakal 4475]

Yeah, I have a catdoor. She is very energetic and loves to roam the neighborhood, I've tried to keep her indoors but she gets really unhappy. She's out during the day while I'm at work and stays in at night.

 

She probably was just really hankering for a cheesesteak.

[A Bear 1813]

She just coughed up a tuft of the Goofy Mascot Guy's hair

[chanson 9697]

 

Thanks, Dixon. ilu

[Casaba 5942]

Yay! Bear, I'm so happy she came back! I whispered to my worry dolls last night about it and those little Guatemalan bits of fabric worked their magic and brought her home!

[SteveH 11126]

What the shit is this? A MANS CAT IS MISSING AND ALL YOU MONSTERS CAN THINK ABOUT IS RENT?!?!

 

 

P.s. for fucks sake steve buy a used car you maniac don't lease.

 

I didn't have much choice but to lease. It's a long story...

 

so I'll tell it now:

 

The heat was stifling. Late summer in New Jersey can be cruel. The air is so thick with humidity you can hold it in your hand.

 

I was driving my very pregnant wife to her OB check-up. Less than two weeks until that creature living in her belly is scheduled to emerge. At that time, I was in a stylish Japanese hatchback that I had purchased about 3 years prior and was still making payments on.

 

The check-up went fine. Everything's normal. Back in the stylish hatchback.

 

We decided we'd stop at a diner for a late breakfast on our way home. She's eating for two after all.

 

CRASH

 

I was stunned and disoriented. A cloud of chemical powder enveloped me. By the time I figured out what was going on, my wife had already ran out of the car and was sitting on the curb crying.

 

A woman emerges from a large German SUV. You know the type.

 

She had run a stop sign and T-boned us. The ol' T-bone.

 

I could hear her say "i'm so sorry! my kids were yelling in the back seat!" She then turned to her daughter, who couldn't have been more than 5, and said "See what happens when you don't behave in the car?" I can't imagine the psychological damage that will inflict on that poor girl. She thinks it's her fault that her mom plowed into a small car carrying a woman who's 9 months pregnant.

 

Everyone is fine. Just some minor scratches. I yelled at the lady. An ambulance took my wife to the ER just to be safe. I stayed behind until the cops came to deal with that. They wouldn't tow my car to the place I wanted them to, and I yelled at him too. I even threw my keys at him. I can't believe I didn't get arrested. It was a very emotional time.

 

Anyway, I was still making payments on the car so the insurance basically only covered what I still owed on it. So now I had no money and no car. I had nothing to make a big down payment, so financing wouldn't be possible unless I want to pay $500 a month (I didn't). Hence, a car was leased.

 

epilogue: When I got the police report from the accident, the address of the woman who hit us was on there. I recognized the street as an affluent area. It was pretty close, so I took a ride by just out of curiosity. Not only did she live on a street full of expensive houses, she lived in the biggest house on a street full of big houses. So a millionaire T-boned us, had very little damage to her car, and all I got out of it was $9K, which is what I owed on the car.

 

The end.

[Andrew 4646]

car crash blah blah

 

Woah! Was everyone OK?

 

Also, how big a bag of poop did you set on fire on her doorstep?

[Sillylillyquee 1015]

Jmonsterface, I have an idea I need your help with. That baby sloth pic said it all.

 

It's a super top secret project based on last week's forum inspiration.

 

You game?

[JMonsterface 1974]

Well this is perhaps the spookiest question I've ever been asked, but alright!

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

SteveH, I am sorry you had to go through that. You should've gone to the door of that old (money)bag and demanded $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

[Shrek & Donkey Kong 4336]

 

Proof for you haters

 

 

are you on both Tinder and OkCupid at all hours just asking girls if they listen to Hollywood Handbook?

[SteveH 11126]

 

Woah! Was everyone OK?

 

Also, how big a bag of poop did you set on fire on her doorstep?

 

I'm still collecting the poop.

[thejjar 5031]

 

 

are you on both Tinder and OkCupid at all hours just asking girls if they listen to Hollywood Handbook?

 

Are you not? Are you even really a fan?

[devscoots 2561]

Valerie, your story was fantastic. One of the best things I've read in ages. 7 out of 5.

 

The choices you made were so good. I hope you keep doing those stories or something like them and please post a link.

 

Please post again soon because so much forum activity has transpired but I want to friend you and I can't remember what page your story was on and and some point I have be like, "there needs to be limits on how much I do for these bunch of wonderful humans, nigh indistinguishable from a gaggle of goddamn weirdos"

[Jakal 4475]

Valerie, your story was fantastic. One of the best things I've read in ages. 7 out of 5.

 

The choices you made were so good. I hope you keep doing those stories or something like them and please post a link.

 

Please post again soon because so much forum activity has transpired but I want to friend you and I can't remember what page your story was on and and some point I have be like, "there needs to be limits on how much I do for these bunch of wonderful humans, nigh indistinguishable from a gaggle of goddamn weirdos"

 

Page 10

[Joe McGurl 8358]

 

Who is responsible for this?

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

TimeValueofKarma.... Time.... Tim.... Tim Treese