Holy Matrimony

[lwesleysnipes 3]

A 25 year old Patricia Arquette gets married to a 12 year old Joseph Gordon Levitt. And the tagline is "A hilariously sexy comedy."

 

I could leave it at that, but maybe there's more!

 

I've actually never seen this film and just became aware of it myself, but my immediate impulse was to ask about it here. Directed by Leonard Nimoy and a possibly just a bad comedy, but it has such a bizarre premise that it might work. Also there's a crazy violent death in the middle of this apparently zany family comedy. Plus, bizarre racism against Hutterites, a group of people I've barely even heard of, but who are apparently real and similar to Amish. So, crazy accents!

 

Anyone seen it, know more?

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Yea this was a weird movie. One that wouldnt have been released if the two lead roles were gender swapped.

[seanotron 2307]

Yea this was a weird movie. One that wouldnt have been released if the two lead roles were gender swapped.

 

Swap the gender roles and you have any number of Woody Allen movies, except not as gross since Arquette has no interest in sleeping with her child spouse.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I dont know if woody was ever that on the money in terms of his love interests in his movies. I think if he made a movie where he married a 13 year old girl people would have lost their minds.

 

Also this movie is bullshit. Theres no goddamn teenage boy in the world whose going to mind being around an in her prime patricia arquette

[Lando 2019]

Yea this was a weird movie. One that wouldnt have been released if the two lead roles were gender swapped.

 

I want to make a Doug Hutchison joke, but that would make their age gap seem too small...

[sillstaw 414]

I dont know if woody was ever that on the money in terms of his love interests in his movies. I think if he made a movie where he married a 13 year old girl people would have lost their minds.

 

"Manhattan" does have him romancing a 17-year old. (Well, at the beginning, anyway.) Granted, the movie was released in 1979, when he was in his 40s, so it wasn't quite as creepy-old-man as it would be nowadays, but it does give you pause.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I dont know, people still think Seinfelds creepy (he is) for dating Shoshanna. How the fuck did I forget Manhattan? God even seeing photos of Woody holding Mariel Hemingways hands is creepy.

[seanotron 2307]

 

"Manhattan" does have him romancing a 17-year old. (Well, at the beginning, anyway.) Granted, the movie was released in 1979, when he was in his 40s, so it wasn't quite as creepy-old-man as it would be nowadays, but it does give you pause.

 

Made especially unsettling after Hemingway revealed that not only was Woody Allen her first kiss (not first on screen kiss, but actual first kiss), but he then arranged for her to go to Paris with him THE DAY she turned 18. Barf.

[lwesleysnipes 3]

you say barf, i say give that man a good citizen's award for resisting his temptations until legally allowed! in paris.

[Cameron H. 23786]

you say barf, i say give that man a good citizen's award for resisting his temptations until legally allowed! in paris.

 

Nope, still gross.

[wyldride 285]

Also there's a little something called Great Balls of Fire, except that really happened.

[Maximilian 99]

you say barf, i say give that man a good citizen's award for resisting his temptations until legally allowed! in paris.

 

There is no way of knowing 100% for sure if he had no sexual contact with her before taking her to Paris for her birthday.

 

 

Nope, still gross.

I don't know much about sexual abuse but courting a girl and prepping her for an adult relationship seems abusive to me. Girls that age are impressionable.

 

__________________

 

on a lighter note because both Seinfeld and Allen were brought up because they are creepers

 

[seanotron 2307]

Just to clarify, Allen did not take Hemmingway to Paris. He *wanted* to, and her terrible parents actively encouraged her to go, but in this case the teenager was the only one with common sense and said no.

[lwesleysnipes 3]

and every single day for the rest of her life, her parents phoned her and said "YOU COULD'VE BEEN THE STAR OF THE PURPLE ROSE OF CAIRO IF YOU JUST SUCKED HIS DICK"

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Speaking of bad parenting by the Hemingways, how about letting both their daughters star in a movie where theyre both raped.

Lipstick is also a next level insane movie.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Well this makes more sense, all their decisions seem insane until you realize "Oh her parents are fucking monsters."

 

 

"In 2013 her younger sister Mariel revealed in the documentary Running from Crazy that both Margaux and their older sister Muffet had been sexually abused by their father."

[SlidePocket 707]

They covered it in San Francisco last Sunday!