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skoora, January 14, 2016 in Bad Movie Recommendations
This needs to happen.
So I just watched this (in case anyone wondering, that link up there is the whole movie free on youtube)...and while I don't think it would make a good episode, its worth a watch, but I have questions.
Mainly ones like, "Huh!?", "But, wait, what!?" and "No seriously, what the flying fuck?"
Basically it brings to mind if like Meltdown and Jay Sherman's student film in The Critic had a crack baby that they then dropped on its head multiple times and vigorously rubbed a chunk of fool's gold into the wounds instead of taking it to the doctor.
Also, I guess we're supposed to cheer the fact that a guy who is a terrorist for no reason decided to be slightly less terroristy at the last moment for no reason? And to connect with him as he seemingly gives up the terroristing by destroying his computers (which by the way was established he needed to constantly keep with him in order to not set off many other terroristalogical attacks he himself set up as a dead-man's switch thing...)
Also, this movie had an editor! I don't fucking buy it. There were 2 even, if you count the lead/director/producer/caterer.
So, other than the main character, who is the villain in this movie? Chronologically, what the fuck? Also what happened, if anything, over the course of this movie? Who was "him", and why would someone who is angered over the loss of his own fiance who was killed to get to him be so easy to go along with a "kill this guy's loved ones to get to him" plan?
Who drinks a glass of champagne with a whole strawberry in it? What branch of the military's uniforms are denim vests? How did they know he would step in that gum? How do you hack into an 80s Ferrari with a cell phone? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!
Basically, this movie would have made more sense if it was about a sentient KFC Double Down.
I've watched Neil Breen's Fateful Findings... I don't know I feel like if they can do Birdemic, they can do this piece of doo-doo.
Birdemic made more sense, and was a much much better put together movie too. Like at any given time you could at least describe a scene. "Oh, this is a scene where they need water, so wander aimlessly into the woods and meet a kindly wig enthusiast. Hark, a mountain lion approaches and bark beetles are borning down the forest for insurance money, time to flee."
I dont think there were more than 2 or 3 coherent scenes in this entire movie, and thats stretching the definition of coherent quite a bit to get that many.
Yeah, when your movie is less competent and coherent than The Room or Birdemic, you've problems.
Neil Breen wouldn't work for this podcast, it's too inexplicable. Barely anything makes even the slightest sense, it almost defies critique or analysis because of its inscrutability. What should be an ordinary conversation between friends over dinner, in Fateful Findings becomes a Lynchian sitcom about dadaist sleepwalkers:
I mean, what is there to say about that?
Double Down is, in a way, the spiritual sequel to The Room, mainly because both deal with childhood escapism, but also because they are the work of hubris. While The Room is the classic childish thought of "they will be sorry when I'm dead," which most people can remember having after being yelled at by parents, most notably seen in the film A Christmas Story (although, there the trope has the 'you turned me blind' angle). A child sees itself often as a perfect being, that can do no wrong, and those around it to be villainous, if not pure evil. Thus, Tommy is the perfect guy in The Room--he keeps a steady job, makes the bank money, buys flowers, is a good customer, loves his girlfriend, doesn't drink, has the body of a muscular skeleton, etc. but all those around him are, in a way, out to get him, and yes, they are sorry when he's dead.
Neil Breen continues this, I dare say, voyeuristic journey into the childhood psyche by diving into the thoughts of a lonely child, one that does not get to play with the other children. A child shunned by society, but one that will show them all. When it grows up, it will be superspy; a martial art expert; it will be a hacker like the ones it has seen in films, but better; it will topple governments with a broken down laptop while working out of the trunk of a car in the middle of the desert. While The Room has "they will be sorry when I'm dead," Double Down has "I will show them" in aces, with a dash of "my dad can beat up your da," but as thought of by a child that has no father.
The Room is a better film, mainly because it has somewhat of a plot, while Double Down does not, but both are very interesting as they give a glimpse into the, we could say childish, minds of their makers.
Both films were also made so the unattractive auteurs could film sex scenes.
Such a good call...Neil Breen's going after Wiseau's crown. His face officially belongs on the Mount Rushmore of terrible filmmakers.
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