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DaltonMaltz

Episode 164 - Tom Scharpling, Our Christmas Show Architect

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This is a show that I listen to strongly.

 

 

 

that's a little joke. love ya FLT.

I hope it's just a joke and not a call back. I hate feeling so excluded in regards to yinz's inside jokes (sorry for the vernacular, I'm a ex-Pittsburgher).

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I'd like to propose a two hander with you and Mekhi Phifer.

Cool idea! But I don't need it anymore. This episode was so good that it revived my career.

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I'm a ex-Pittsburgher.

Well then I hope you enjoy this lil' chestnut.

 

I tried to share this with the I4H section, but those plebs had no appreciation.

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I hope it's just a joke and not a call back Shaq attack. I hate feeling so excluded in regards to Hooter's jokes (sorry for the vernacular, I'm a ex-Phoenixer).

weirdest reference to Colt Barton meeting Shaq in a Phoenix Hooters ever.

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So blessed and humbled to be first AGAIN this week! Thank you, everyone!

 

I also want to let you all know that the United States Constitution guarantees freedom of the press AS WELL AS freedom to drink zero-Calorie soda and that's a right that none of us should take for granted. Everyone go thank a soldier for protecting our zero-Calorie soda today.

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Okay, this is weird. Watch this clip from MST3K (it's the whole friggin' episode, just skip to an hour and 36 minutes in) and tell me if YOU think Dr Forrester and TV's Frank just said my name:

http://youtu.be/g3SKwDHX1i4?t=5767

 

I'm telling y'all, I've been in the zeitgeist for a long time. I'm a real mover and a shaker.

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*singing, to the tune of "All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" by Donald Yetter Gardner*

 

"All I Want for Christmas Is .... a Scot-ty Don't"

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Hands down one of the kooshest and most crackalackin shows I ever heard!

Loved it when Tom came through with a killer line that got a good chuckle from the boys

 

HHFFFL%20Conf%20Championships.png

 

Last Week's Divisional Round Results:

HAYES FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

Made with real Koenig Sugar OVER Ira Glass & DVD of K-Pax, 31-21

Mutant League Football, Bela Lugosi as Dracula, the Howie Scream & Easter Island Moai statues OVER The Hollywood Name-Droppers, 42-38

SEAN FOOTBALL CLEMFERENCE

Knights of Columbus & The Power of David Bowie OVER The New Hampshire Diarrhea Idiots, 27-24

The Flint Mi Marc-Maron-i And Cheeses OVER the War of Northern Aggression, 20-17 OT

 

This week's HHFFFL Pro-Version goes to Henry, thejjar and Shitbird. Not sure if they've got it before but my suspicion is that they haven't. Their prize is hidden in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box located behind the toilet in the handicap stall of the restroom just south of shoeshine station six in Denver International Airport

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Did this episode seem extra long to any of you?

 

 

Edit:

 

Here's a nice photo of my dog Ross.

 

jw6uCzE.jpg

 

Here's a similar photo of the same guy.

 

amIJChu.jpg

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honestly, not being in the final four is bum, but at least i got in the playoffs. good season boys, time to release my dvd of k-pax (rip it on to youtube in 5 parts)

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In a rage Hayes struggled against his bindings. It smelled dark and he heard tension in the room. Becoming still to work his sensory perceptions, he did cross the threshold into the twelfth level of awareness, felt a presence coming near but staying silent. "Sean I swear if you give me another wet willy I will curb stomp your left clavicle!" Hayes had foolishly agreed to recreate the back-to-back chair scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where everything ends up catching on fire. Sean had politely tied up and blindfolded Hayes, but then wouldn't let Engineer Sam tie him down next and was now running about insisting he'd been possessed by a wicked old banshee hag named Martina. It frustrated Hayes that nobody else was taking the Winter solstice séance ceremony seriously. Sam had fled the studio in terror so there was no one to record it if they made contact with the other side. "Fine Sean, then I'll just summon the spirits on my own. But don't expect me to ask them anything about your future!" Again a blur of movement flew right behind the captive, a hand quickly mussing up his finely curated mane of golden honey locks. "Wet willy!" screamed the gleeful hag, and with a moist digit did defile young Davenport's ear hole with reckless abandon. Dancing around victorious, Martina proclaimed: "Seems to me this Winter solstice séance ceremony is coming off quite smashing!" Then came an evil cackle and the defeated prisoner could hear Martina rubbing her hands together in anticipation. "Hayes, you do know what happens next don't you?" Then Big Poppa Hayes recalled the Last Crusade scene that they'd set out to execute and had an awful unpleasantness that started to spread throughout his entire being. "Fire?" With a savagely uproarious loff the banshee Martina doused the room in gasoline, took out her wand and with a violent slashing motion hollered out "Incendio!" as their universes burned glorious and bright

 

another%2048%20HH%20Christmas.png

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Good fan fic friend, maybe a bit too scary for me to read so late in the morning!

 

All in all Tom has become a real sweetie after being reduced to a broken man. Seems to have put him in his place. Nobody's gonna try make Sean eat dangerous hot eggs for quite a while, methinks. Maybe Tom can finally move on and get back to making that breast show that he liked so much.

 

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I just slumped back in my chair and at the same moment heard actual winds howling outside my window like ghosts as if to punctuate the final sentence in a story of complete and total desolation in which there are no heroes left in the world. Now I hear rain beginning to pour outside. Like Truman Show "just this spout right here...no a little to the left...perfect!" type of rain.

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Part II of my tale

DECLASSIFIED

My gaze turned away from the helicopter's window and back to my "rescuers." The Navy guys were all looking at me, trying to read my expression. Some knew more than others, and no one wanted to speak first.

"The tundra looks a lot different from up here than it did on foot. You say it's been two days?... I pursued as best I could, but this is his domain."

An eager seamen, "So it was really him?"

"Sir! Are you injured?" The medic had spotted the blood.

"It's not mine."

This got the attention of the mission leader; a man promoted too far too soon, who cared about his résumé more than getting the job done.

"You got him with those and he didn’t go down? BALDERDASH!"

"A day ago I caught up to him in the blizzard. He thought I couldn’t spot the tracks from his skates in the snow, like a big dumb fucking idiot. Unfortunately, I could only be so quiet approaching him in my converse. He anticipated my punch and ducked so my bask-knuckles only partially connected. I tried to punch again as he reeled, but he managed to clutch my jersey and pull it up over my head, and punch me a few times really hard."

"Did he say anything?"

"Yes. He said, 'Hockey rules, basketball drools.'"

"What happened next?"

"My shirt was stuck over my head for quite a while. Hours, probably. But I managed to pursue him on foot by sound. My belly was very cold. Also I kept tripping fall down. I didn’t lose him until the sound of his blades was drowned out by the bpbpbpbpbpb thwap thwap sound of a helicopter. It was only when Dr. Thipson pulled my shirt down that I realized he had led me back to the friggin shipwreck from earlier, knowing you would be here looking for us. And that you would refuse to let me continue my pursuit."

Their silence spoke volumes.

"Even if that was him-

"It was him!"

"Even so... There's no way he'll survive out there. Doc says it was a miracle you made it as long as you did. I'm satisfied we completed the mission, and I plan to report that Bobby Orr is dead."

"I don't think so. I think he's still out there somewhere. Watching. Waiting."

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Did this episode seem extra long to any of you?

 

 

Edit:

 

Here's a nice photo of my dog Ross.

 

jw6uCzE.jpg

 

Here's a similar photo of the same guy.

 

amIJChu.jpg

 

one question:

 

 

may i pet him sir

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Relieved I'm managing to get this important and sincere comment in under the wire: Sean's BB-8 impression was a tour de force.

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Relieved I'm managing to get this important and sincere comment in under the wire: Sean's BB-8 impression was a tour de force.

Star Tours: de force awakens.

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