Conan the Barbarian

[Spengler 0]

I just got back from seeing the new Conan movie. I'm making a prediction that this will be appearing on the show very soon.
Laugh out loud craziness from the very beginning.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

As a lover of the original film and Howard's stories (platonically and romantically), I would welcome any evisceration of this piece of nonsense.

[njs85 7]

Conan is born in the battlefield...when Ron Perlman delivers a C-Section on Conan's stabbed mother with his weapon. Do it.

[johnnytezca 2]

I am the only person I know who loved the new Conan the Barbarian. Loved it for what it was, and for its surprisingly faithful tone to the original Robert E. Howard stories. I am also the only person I know who HATED the Arnold version. Conan was my favorite comic book character, and then my favorite fantasy pulp character. The Arnold version made me realize for the first time that one could actually hate a movie
.
What about watching both versions, then comparing them to see which is one is really the giant worm-speckled dog turd? And if ANYONE mentions the "humor" in the first movie, take that turd and push it into their eyeballs. Humor and camp are the worst excuses for crappy filmmaking. And when has Arnold ever had a sense of humor? His comedies are like watching someone trying to swallow their own vomit while being toasted at a wedding reception.

And my God Patty O'Swalt was SO amazing. He ought to be in on every comic book movie.

[Isgrimner 1]

I'm only about 10 minutes in on the Jason Mamoa, or as I like to think of him, Kal Drogo, version and all I can think of so far is this is definitely HDTGM material. I had no idea Ron Pearlman was in this so bonus. Some how they got Morgan Freeman or a great MF sound alike to narrate,. And the opening set up scene has a naked chick get sacrificed, so Jason is going to be stoked right off the bat.

 

I'm going to continue watching now, but sure I'll be thinking of the comments you guys would make.

[Darian 19]

my take is, that the 2011 Conan had alot of potential, but had a terrible story

i loved the 1982 Conan, even though it takes alot of liberties with the mythology, it's a really solid movie

 

Conan the Destroyer was just utter balls though

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

my take is, that the 2011 Conan had alot of potential, but had a terrible story

i loved the 1982 Conan, even though it takes alot of liberties with the mythology, it's a really solid movie

 

Conan the Destroyer was just utter balls though

I don't know how big of a deal it was back then, because people lose their minds nowadays when R-rated franchises soften up and go PG-13, but "Destroyer" had to be a pretty early example of that happening. I remember it being pretty silly, but as far as specifics, I keep getting it mixed up with "Red Sonja", which was basically the same movie.

[seanotron 2307]

I don't know how big of a deal it was back then, because people lose their minds nowadays when R-rated franchises soften up and go PG-13, but "Destroyer" had to be a pretty early example of that happening. I remember it being pretty silly, but as far as specifics, I keep getting it mixed up with "Red Sonja", which was basically the same movie.

 

Red Sonja didn't have Grace Jones, though! I know it's a fundamentally silly movie, but I kind of like it better than the first one. Plus it has Ursa! And Andre the Giant.

[Darian 19]

in anycase, both destroyer and red sonja were both balls

 

this is funny though: http://entertainment.ca.msn.com/movies/galleries/actors-who-hate-their-own-films?page=18

 

"It's the worst film I have ever made. When my kids get out of line, they're sent to their rooms and forced to watch Red Sonja 10 times. I never had too much trouble with them."

[seanotron 2307]

I think Conan the Barbarian is a pretty terrible movie. At least the 2nd one seemed to realize it was a terrible movie and had a sense of humor about it. But I know I'm in the minority opinion on that one.

 

I will agree that Red Sonja is just awful, though.

[wakefresh 689]

I haven't seen the latest Conan, but the original Conan with Ahnuld is almost like a silent movie. He doesn't talk at all.

[jarrycanada 2483]

Hey seanotron, Red Sonja is the greatest action movie of all time!!! or so says arnold. Mind you, Conan the Barbarian is really fringing bad.

 

I don't like the original conan movie that much, I love it! as it's got the best sound track music of all time and three word for any of you haters out there, James Earl Jones. Need I say more.

 

This is one of those movie's you should blind buy on dvd the collectors edtion as it's got arnolds commentary track. that alone is worth the price of the movie. getting back to the Music that is what was missing with the remake for me. the music is so kick ass. it makes you excited for the movie. it's really too bad they only made two movies as it was planed to do three but they screwed up the second one and arnold did this movie called the terminator you may of heard of it and that screwd up the plans for any third.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZY2mRG5mzg

I love that music and I love that movie...

[PhillipMedoc 648]

I haven't seen the latest Conan, but the original Conan with Ahnuld is almost like a silent movie. He doesn't talk at all.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was intentional. And thank goodness, because all that "DAALLAHRRLLLRRLLRLRLR" is enough.

 

I still think the 1982 film is decent. Fairly solid screenplay by Oliver Stone, killer score by Basil Poledouris that is still being used in other films, and some nice locations. The effects certainly didn't age well, and most of the acting isn't very good, but fortunately it doesn't require a lot of dialogue.

 

Trivia! The director was a surfer and one of the other leads in Conan, Gerry Lopez, was a world champion surfer and still considered one of the best ever. Also, this hilarious bit of info:

 

Schwarzenegger had studied for weeks in 1980 under Robert Easton, a voice coach for several Hollywood stars, to improve his speech. His first line in the film was a paraphrasing of Mongol emperor Genghis Khan's speech about the good things in life and the actor delivered it with a heavy Austrian accent; critics later described what they heard as "to crush your enemies—see dem [them] driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of dair vimen [their women]". Subsequently, Schwarzenegger underwent intensive speech training with Milius. Each of his later longer speeches was rehearsed at least forty times.

[PhillipMedoc 648]

This is one of those movie's you should blind buy on dvd the collectors edtion as it's got arnolds commentary track. that alone is worth the price of the movie.

I totally agree with you about the soundtrack, it's fantastic.

 

And yes! If anyone wants a good time, rent the dvd and listen to Ahnuld's commentary, it is fucking ridiculous. He doesn't say anything about making the movie or anything behind the scenes, he just sort of describes what's happening onscreen; most of the time it's "Oh yah, I did that." or "Dat was good".

[wakefresh 689]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was intentional. And thank goodness, because all that "DAALLAHRRLLLRRLLRLRLR" is enough.

 

I still think the 1982 film is decent. Fairly solid screenplay by Oliver Stone, killer score by Basil Poledouris that is still being used in other films, and some nice locations. The effects certainly didn't age well, and most of the acting isn't very good, but fortunately it doesn't require a lot of dialogue.

 

Trivia! The director was a surfer and one of the other leads in Conan, Gerry Lopez, was a world champion surfer and still considered one of the best ever. Also, this hilarious bit of info:

 

 

That's the best! Ahnuld is a lesson in fortitude. He's been in the United States for damn near three decades and he still has a strong accent. On the Indoor Kids podcast Kumail figured that Ahnuld listened to tapes of himself when he first came to the U.S. for a hour each day, so that he could keep the accent.

[jarrycanada 2483]

I totally agree with you about the soundtrack, it's fantastic.

 

And yes! If anyone wants a good time, rent the dvd and listen to Ahnuld's commentary, it is fucking ridiculous. He doesn't say anything about making the movie or anything behind the scenes, he just sort of describes what's happening onscreen; most of the time it's "Oh yah, I did that." or "Dat was good".

 

No he's got some useful stuff in the commentary, the part about Grace Jones is price less. to me it was like hanging around with Arnold watching the movie together. I like commentary's like that. I don't need to know the technical aspects of the movie making process. Robert Rodriguez's commentary tracks are like that shares useful tidbits but for the most part he's just hanging around with you.he loves extras on dvd/blurays so his discs are worth picking up too.

 

 

That's the best! Ahnuld is a lesson in fortitude. He's been in the United States for damn near three decades and he still has a strong accent. On the Indoor Kids podcast Kumail figured that Ahnuld listened to tapes of himself when he first came to the U.S. for a hour each day, so that he could keep the accent.

 

That accent worked for him in the terminator. He really did sorta sound siri like machine. it worked for me. but if you are Austrian i am guessing you would be on the floor laughing at him. much like we do when he hear a English person trying to play a killer robot. Mind you I think Summer Glau did a not so bad job doing a terminator but then again i like Summer Glau so.

[seanotron 2307]

Arnold's commentary for his movies is absolutely hilarious. He simply spells out exactly what is happening, with absolutely no insight of any kind. 'Dis is da paart where I swung da sword and dat guy died. Hahaha!' He also talks about how hawt the ladies were.

 

http://www.youtube....h?v=ncR2_pnzngM

[seanotron 2307]

There's also this one

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSqnFxVaIx4

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Arnold's commentary for his movies is absolutely hilarious. He simply spells out exactly what is happening, with absolutely no insight of any kind. 'Dis is da paart where I swung da sword and dat guy died. Hahaha!' He also talks about how hawt the ladies were.

 

Oh shit, there's a comment on that one that is GOLD:

 

"Arnold, today you are going to do a Total Recall commentary"....

 

**arnie does the commentary then says....

 

"That was easy. Are there any other movies you need me to totally recall?"

[robinsbruce 4985]

Arnold's commentary tracks are mind blowing. We need to find out if there was one for Jingle All the Way.

[wakefresh 689]

We need to get him and Werner Herzog together for a movie, just so they can do the commentary track on the DVD release. If I were a millionaire, these are the types of projects I would fund.

[jarrycanada 2483]

I'd rather give my money to a homeless person to buy drugs then give it to Werner Herzog ...

[Blueman29X 72]

I'd rather give my money to a homeless person to buy drugs then give it to Werner Herzog ...

Are you thinking of Uwe Boll again?

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

We need to get him and Werner Herzog together for a movie, just so they can do the commentary track on the DVD release. If I were a millionaire, these are the types of projects I would fund.

If I had that kind of money, I'd have them do commentary tracks on OTHER people's movies. Arnold and Werner talking about "The Room" or something like that would be ALL the awesome.

[Blueman29X 72]

Does anybody know if Werner Herzog did the commentary track for Jack Reacher? If so, I might have to get it.