Branded

[AndySexton 0]

Holy crap. I just saw this today, and it's one of the most inexplicable pieces of garbage I've ever seen.

 

Quick Highlights:

 

-The entire movie is narrated by cow constellation that sounds like Siri. Also, the constellation cow strikes the main character (7 years old at the time) with lightning, which gives him ~marketing superpowers~.

-Max von Sydow wants to make fat sexy again. He also exits the movie by wearing a hoodie and getting struck by lightning.

-The main character is able to see people's desires by slaughtering a red-highlighted cow. Oh yeah, people's desires look like bubble aliens that stick out of your neck.

-HDTGM veteran Leelee Sobieski keeps her streak alive - she totally gets knocked on her ass by the main character.

 

Guys. Seriously. This needs on the show before theater owners burn the reels.

 

Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HInOg12jMiY

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

If we didn't burn "OogieLoves", we're not going to burn this. Hell, product placement and branding? That's what we're all ABOUT.

[CLIPPED 1]

I second this. Just saw this movie and it is INSANE. OP doesn't mention Jeffrey Tambor's turn as the main character's boss/nemesis until he dies for no reason halfway through the movie (causing our hero to swear that he'll never use his marketing superpowers again), a completely pointless spy subplot in which our hero likely causes several innocent people's deaths, and Max Von Sydow's supervillain-style network with the power to control the world's media (again, for the SOLE purpose of making fat sexy).

 

This is easily the craziest movie I've ever seen, and no one can really do justice to how little sense it actually makes, but I'd love to see the show try.

[DavidCrowell 4]

This movie was just laughably awful. The only reason not to do this movie is that the bump in views might accidentally encourage the creators of this junk to make another movie.

 

I don't think this movie will ever make the cut for the podcast because not enough people have seen it. Although that bodes well for our national sanity level.

[jarrycanada 2483]

I wanted to like this movie and I was looking forward to it. as it seemed like a movie that was up my alley. but it quickly let me down as soon as I watched it. Found my self wanting to fast foward it. it sorta reminds me of "how to get ahead in advertising". what if we do a movie about glamorizing and marketing of face acne. but will do it with fat people. then later we could see the corporate greed growing all around us in the form of bugs that become seen by some people.. thats what the bugs are spooler. This movie was a good idea done badly, about consumerism and corporations. what ever message it had is lost on the viewer by the end of the film...

[Johnny Unusual 525]

Yeah, I haven't seen it, but it was kind of a bummer that it turned out to be so poorly received. I saw the preview and was intrigued and was hoping they were sort of going for a "They Live" meets "Videodrome" kind of deal and seemed really out there. Apparently, too far out there. Shame.

[NickTracy 1]

I agree with original poster. But to fully appreciate how awful this movie is, you HAVE to watch the preview of it first. That way you get an idea of what kind of movie you are about to see and what to expect.

 

And then about 45 minutes in you keep thinking...ok the movie is half over and nothing that has happenend in the preview is in the movie...what the hell is going on.

 

*Spoiler alert*

 

Then he kills a cow and bathes in its blood and begin to realize, ok, that makes no fucking sense. Then the terrible CGI starts and you at least realize this is where the previews come from...and you hate yourself for sitting there that long. And then of course, someone gets struck by lightning and vanishes for no real reason.

 

FUCKING AWFUL.

 

However, ironically, the whole movie is about how branding is misleading and terrible and it that is exactly how the preview is in relation to the movie. Very misleading and drives home the point of the movie.

 

Just remember, the key is to watch the preview first and then the movie. The only movie you HAVE to watch the preview first to fully appreciate its terribleness.

 

I think this should totally be a podcast episode. However, I do not recommend this to anyone as it is not enjoyable on any level.

 

It is the only movie that I have actively hated myself for wasting money on. I felt rage during it.

[jarrycanada 2483]

The trailer worked on me, I wanted to really see this movie. even looked up the QR codes that are hidden in the trailer it's self. but the story is so poorly excuted it's not intesting or missing the point of the message of the movie if there is one. i sure didn't get it.

[NickTracy 1]

That is what is so insane. The trailer worked on me too. But about 45 min in, you start to wonder if you saw the right trailer. They are soooo different.

[DJRayray 31]

Bumping this as it has to be THE film that begs the question HDTGM. It's up there with The Room in absurdity, probably moreso. How the hell did they get some of the cast members, including Jeffrey Tambor, Max Von Sydow and Leelee Sobieski? Why are there constantly strange editing tricks and gimmicks that are trying to be clever but are just completely out of place and irrelevant? Not to mention 'What the hell is going on?'.

 

It's like Jodorowsky meets Philip K. Dick meets a 16 year old marketing student.

 

Going deeper it seems like there's probably some attempt at social commentary regarding captalism (it was produced by both America and Russia). But whatever's there is lost in the insanity.