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What was supposed to be "Rocky Horror" for kids turned out to be the worst weekend box office opening of all time. Featuring Christopher Lloyd, Cary Elwes, Toni Braxton, and Chaz Palminteri and from "The Marketing Visionary who brought you Teletubies, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Eloise' and the Oscar-nominated director Mark Diamond, this children's film seems like an endurance test to say the least but it's such a catastrophic misfire it can't be ignored. See for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1kVrIkDW6Q

"The Informers" came and went pretty quickly in 2009, but it's toward the top of my list of favorite guilty pleasure movies. First of all, it's dealing with a very serious topic (the AIDS epidemic in the 1980's), it's based on a Brett Easton Ellis book, and it's got an all star cast (Billy Bob Thorton, Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke, Winnona Ryder, etc.) doing that "Crash" thing where various seemingly unrelated plotlines converge at the end. But it does not gel at all and what you get is essentially the "Showgirls" of the aughts that's not only set in the 1980's but really goes well out of its way to remind you, at every turn, that it's set in the 80's with the some of the most hilarious on-the-nose music cues ever. It's beautifully shot with beautiful people (not all of whom are great actors) just being generally horrible to each other. It was basically disowned by Ellis, who was mad because they took out his vampire subplot (the vampire by the way was supposed to be played by Brandon Routh). If you have a Netflix account, you can see for yourself right now since it's available on Watch Instantly. With a 13% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I humbly submit "The Informers."

This movie features a millenium old Jinn, who needs to collect 1001 souls to jump start the apocalypse. He lets himself get locked up in a penitentiary, where he figures sous will be easy to harvest, since they have nothing to do but "Weesh." He gains a sould by tricking people into "Weeshing" for something. They all make some random comment like "I wish my lawyer would go fuck himself." Wishmaster asks the convict, "Is that your weeesh?" He, like everyone else, says something like "You're a fucking lunatic, and go fuck yourself, but yes, that's my wish." Convict goes to meet with lawyer, who immediately gives him the great news: "I have an unfinalized deal in place and you're gonna go free." Before the con can get too excited, the lawyer is bent in half by some invisible wish magic, then proceeds to fuck his own ass to death...doggystyle, and bent over the table. The convict's response is as follows: "Hey, holmes, what the fuck are you doing!? What are you doing that!?" And as the lawyer begins to die from auto erotic assfucksiation, the con screams not once but twice in successively louder volumes, "What about my deeeealll?" Haha. You made a wish. It went bad. Now you're stuck in jail and you have no soul. That is not even the most ridiculous part of the movie. Watch i\t. It's on NETFLIX. All 5 Wishmasters are. Remember the name MUSTAFA. Sounds Russian, right? I know. BTW, the Jinn speaks in a completely forced and painfully slowed sown faux baritone throughout. Like if Patrick Warburton had a double stroke. Review the movie. Dont review it. At least watch it. It is fucking hilarious and not on purpose.

Jonah Hex would be the absolute perfect movie for you guys to review next. It's an expository, befuddling, mess. There is a something on fire in every goddamn scene. My friends and I watched it when we were wasted and it was one of the best movie going experiences of my life. It would make a beautiful How Did This Get Made? Just fucking do it. PS: Saw Paul at the League Live at Tulane last night. Thanks for coming man it was super funny! Sorry Tulane kids are suckholes!! Fuck Tulane!....... JONAH FUCKING HEX.

On the Batman & Robin podcast you guys talked about what is the worst super hero movie. Well I must say it's 1997's Steel. Staring Shaq as DC comics Super Hero and Superman's colleague Steel. It's so bad! Terrible plot about stoping a drug dealer. Shaq and his crippled army buddy team up so he can become the metal wearing hero named Steal. Bad acting, bad writing, corny 90's action, everything about this film is bad. Here is a link to the home video trailer (I couldn't find the theatrical one)

Once Bitten seems a shoo-in here. From the amazing soundtrack to the INSANELY creepy butler (Cleavon Little) to the super racist accent of the librarian...well, everything! This comedic vampire flick is so bad...and for HDTGM, that's bloody good. The basic plot involves an old vampire broad who, with the help of her raper-looking butler, needs to feed on a virgin thrice each year before halloween. There are a few scenes in this one that actually stood out to me as genuinely funny. Jim Carrey and his girlfriend are at a drive-in at one point (the high school fuck spot), and she refuses to give it up. He resigns and steps outside the ice-cream truck (yes, ice cream truck) in frustration. Then, we get a nice arial view of the cars surrounding them and the various sex-capades going on. Legs hanging out of windows, all the cars are bouncing, and a couple of pretty funny butt-shots. Even the title track of this one is so terrible that it's catchy. Once bitten, you won't feel no pain. Once bitten, we'll be singing in the rain... Some of my favorite lines are: "We're homos! We're rump-rangers!" "I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boy's Choir hit town." "Oh, Mark...I can't believe you're going to throw away our relationship for a one-night stand with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons!" "How'd you like to have your crotch set on fire!" Have a look at this one, and I'm sure you'll be disappointed.