Episode 22 - Damn Girl

[JulyDiaz 2797]

Sean and Hayes ask listeners to help them with an upcoming Celebrity Date Auction as a gift for Hayes’ birthday, talk about Chuck & Wynona from The Amazing Race with a caller, and explain the spectacle that is Splash. Eventually, JAKE FOGELNEST drops by to talk about some dummy on Survivor, give us a sample of what Louie Anderson’s theme song on Splash should be, and recommend some great documentaries. This episode is dedicated to Brent Musburger.

[Jerkface 58]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN HAYES!!

 

I loved all the scoops we got about the new Heroes series. You all did forget to ask if Sylar is going to be a hero or villain in this iteration though. That would have been nice to know, but I can sleep soundly knowing Dwayne got his 10 mil and a triple wide.

 

Once you guys can get your celebrity dates, you're gonna be the big men on campus. Lets see those sklar bros bully you then, they'll be too busy wiping the egg off their face to even think about bullying.

[OliverGatalo 16]

Hey don't sell Katherine Webb short! Did you know her twitter is worth $23482, and she has several celebrity followers such as LeBron James? Well wikipedia does. It should also be noted that the day after the game "AJ McCarron Girlfriend" was one of the highest trending topics on google. Of course, no one could have learned her name by that point.

Happy Birthday Hayes Davenport.

[xoValeriexo 4369]

I really thought I would remember how to use my mouth to make words when I called in, but it turns out I was horrifyingly nervous.

 

Here's how I thought it would go:

Me: 'Sup, dudes.

Sean and Hayes: Val-er-ie! Val-er-ie!

Me: OMG, curly mullet.

Sean and Hayes: I know!!!

Me: Sean, I have a lot of cats too.

Sean and I simultaneously to one another: What are your cat's names? Jinx! Hahaha!

Hayes: I'm jealous of the relationship you two have.

 

Something like that. But instead I was a rude weirdo who didn't wish Hayes a happy birthday. BUT I looked into what other celebrities you share a birthday with and I think you might forgive me my social blunder just for giving you this vital information now. Akira Kurosawa, Michael Haneke, Richard Grieco, Perez Hilton, Ric Ocasek, Catherine Keener, Keri Russell (more curly hair! What?!! Coincidence?!!), Chaka Khan, Damon Albarn, the oldest daughter on The Nanny, someone named Jermel -- and you're more important than all of those people (in my heart, not in real life).

 

I'm sorry, I just love you guys, and I feel like I'm normally so much more likeable.

 

And that last caller who was on your ass to watch Big Brother is my boyfriend! And, yeah, part of the reason we moved out of my parents' place was because of Big Brother, but it was mostly because my dad borrowed a gun from his friend because he was paranoid the neighbors were going to kill us. Hoppy Birdie, Hayes!

[NickArnold 74]

To be fair one of the main reasons I watched splash was for the people with strange bodies and Ms Webb

[Clem Dawg 896]

I really thought I would remember how to use my mouth to make words when I called in, but it turns out I was horrifyingly nervous.

 

Here's how I thought it would go:

Me: 'Sup, dudes.

Sean and Hayes: Val-er-ie! Val-er-ie!

Me: OMG, curly mullet.

Sean and Hayes: I know!!!

Me: Sean, I have a lot of cats too.

Sean and I simultaneously to one another: What are your cat's names? Jinx! Hahaha!

Hayes: I'm jealous of the relationship you two have.

 

 

Valerie, I really enjoyed having this exact conversation with you during the live feed, and I'm sorry Hayes made engineer Frank edit it out and then chop up your call to make it sound awkward on the podcast. I know that he threatened you and made you write a post centered around his birthday. He just gets so jealous sometimes, I'm actually a little scared. Hayes doesn't know I'm typing this, so play it cool and I'll send you the cats' names over a secure line when I know it's safe. You're being brave. Keep commenting and calling. Don't let the Hayes Davenports of this world stop you fr- OH GOD HERE HE COMES!!!

[Clem Dawg 896]

Valerie, I really enjoyed having this exact conversation with you during the live feed, and I'm sorry Hayes made engineer Frank edit it out and then chop up your call to make it sound awkward on the podcast. I know that he threatened you and made you write a post centered around his birthday. He just gets so jealous sometimes, I'm actually a little scared. Hayes doesn't know I'm typing this, so play it cool and I'll send you the cats' names over a secure line when I know it's safe. You're being brave. Keep commenting and calling. Don't let the Hayes Davenports of this world stop you fr- OH GOD HERE HE COMES!!!

 

haha. that was a good JK we had everybody, but now we know that I'm really Shawn and I must be because I'm posting from his account and I am saying it was all for a joke. hayes is so nice. I guess it was a bad joke since it was at the expense of m- i mean hayes and he is so cool and great and he is what makes the podcast good, but i make a lot of bad jokes like that because i'm really shawnn and i don't know what's funny. i need to be taught

 

also, i forgot to mention in some of my other posts before that hayes actually is very smart and strong too. and valerie, even though i was doing jokes in that last post, hayes may not be so happy with you cuz didn't he already warn you not to become better friends with me, shawn than with him. anyway, it's out of my hands now.

 

-not hayes

[melgotserved_19432 2]

Happy Birthday Hayes. I hope to do everything in my power to get you a date with AshLee so I can call in and call you "this man" or Sean "that man" and then "these men." But can someone else start the Kickstarter? I'm a little lazy.

[Asteck 1250]

You did great Valerie! I've wanted to call in, but I’m afraid I’ll suffer a similar fate to Ben Rogers’ where I end up mostly apologizing for having just woken up.

 

As for this episode, let me just preface by saying that when I sat down with my family to discuss becoming an active member of The Reality SHOW show’s forums a month ago, I did not know what I was signing up for. I thought I was just going to hear two chilled out bros talk’n about reality tv. Instead, today I thought I was getting a glimpse into the seedy underbelly of the Earwolf Network. Hazing, car keyings; I couldn't believe what I was hearing about some of my favorite podcasts. Then it hit me! None of it was true – these guys are just trying turn us into a couple of prestonsinfields to get in on some of those sweet, controversial I4H Gun Control ep level of comments by having us talk trash about the other shows! Well nice try guys, but you’re just going to have to get comments and fatten your paychecks (I’m guessing podcast hosts get paid by the amount of comments left in their forums) just like every other podcaster: by groveling for them at the end of each show.

 

Otherwise, great show!

 

Happy Birthday Hayes.

 

I realize for this post to remotely make sense you have to be pretty familiar with the goings-ons of the Earwolf forums and it may be insensitive to those who were genuinely upset by that episode and the debate that followed. But seriously it's just a comedy podcast.

[xoValeriexo 4369]

Hey Asteck, I like you, ya old son of a gun.

[OliverGatalo 16]

I don't watch reality TV, because it makes me horribly uncomfortable, but I love the podcast, because Sean and Hayes are a couple of solid dudes.

 

That being said, I recently got into Canadian Big Brother, because a friend of mine is a PA for it and I was hoping for some dirt. No dirt yet, but I was blown away about the shows format. Last week, the extraordinary sociopath Tom was eliminated 8 votes to 1, and he had to leave the house and sit for an interview. As he was leaving, it was edited as if the house members were at least a little upset about screwing the guy over, but the live studio audience was laughing as if it were a sitcom taping making the scene incredibly surreal. Tom then had an interview and watched every house members parting words. They weren't kind words, and Tom had to sit there in front of a studio audience, and in front of a camera, listening to this and forcing a positive reaction for the camera. It was like watching someone force a smile when his foot is being beaten with a hammer. Probably the most uncomfortable endeavour I have seen filmed, and it was amazing.

 

I have a couple of questions: is this the format of the American version of the show, and why isn't this the biggest thing on TV?

[greggy 15909]

hey hunter im 4 years late for this, and back when this was current i was doing a whole thing so couldnt say something like this with sincerity, but your call on this ep was very good. great job hunter.