Assassins (1995)

[SlidePocket 707]

Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas and Julianne Moore star in Richard Donner's convoluted action thriller which happens to be co-written by the Wachowskis! How did this pairing not work that well?

[RyanSz 3140]

Hey, at least it was better than the original plan where Stallone was the upstart assassin while Banderas was the tired veteran, but the film makers realized Stallone looked decidedly older than Banderas and switched their parts.

[egregious 5]

[MrHorseWithNoName 0]

"Professional hit-man Robert Rath wants to fulfill a few more contracts before retiring but unscrupulous ambitious newcomer hit-man Miguel Bain keeps killing Rath's targets."

 

This movie is insane. Imagine Antonio Banderas at his peak Nic Cage like awesomeness and Sylvester Stallone doesn't realize that he's in a shitty movie and acts like a minor character in the Godfather. Julianne Moore is also in this film as a '90s hacker type' who kinda dresses like Claire Redfield from Resident Evil 2(the game, not the movie).

 

 

This one was also directed by HDTGM favorite Richard Donner and written by the Wachowski's. I know for sure that this one is available for streaming on Netflix [uS].

 

 

 

[pogues 18]

This movie needs to be done. The plot is ridiculous. Julianne Moore plays a pervy agorophobic who at one point says she hasn't talked to people for years, but then immediately wants to go to the day of the dead festival for some reason? Sly Stallone plays it smart by dressing like a high school substitute teacher with way to many sweater vest. Banderas tries to chew as much scenery as humanly possible. And a cat is almost a plot point.

 

It is a must for its terrible pacing and just questionable plot.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

If your name is Rath, you pretty much HAVE to grow up to be a killer, right? I'd like to see a movie about about a guy with a shitty "only happens to characters in action or horror movies" name that's just trying to live a normal life in the face of people trying to push him into comic book villainy.

[sillstaw 414]

If your name is Rath, you pretty much HAVE to grow up to be a killer, right?

 

Only if the pro wrestling thing doesn't work out.

[RyanSz 3140]

 

Only if the pro wrestling thing doesn't work out.

Or being a member of GWAR.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Bump for this delight bit of nonsense.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

They have to do this movie at some point. It's easily one of my favorite Banderas roles, and it also has some delightfully terrible attempts at portraying hacking. 

[nthurkettle 148]

I always loved the scene where they're shooting at each other with silencers and it sounds like they're trying to staple each other to death. 

 

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I'd completely forgotten about Stallone's cast gun. Those silenced shots are hilarious though, they sound like shots from an airsoft rifle. I also love that Banderas has what appears to be the tiniest sniper rifle ever made.